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Parenting

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Original poster

Introverted parents with outgoing kids

28 replies

Ridingforthekids · 03/04/2022 21:45

Hello,

I've got an almost 5 yo DD. She is extremely outgoing and sociable. Whenever we go to a playground she always finds children to play with and sometimes, after a chat with the parents, we exchange numbers and then there is a request for play dates. Plus she has a few friends from school.

I can't cope with her social life because I'm an introvert. I need time to myself and I find the small talk exhausting. No disrespect to the parents, they are all really lovely. It's just me.

Anyone can relate? Any tips or suggestions?

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KELLOGSspeck · 03/04/2022 21:49

My DS is like this. I don't struggle with the social aspect as such it's mainly that I can't have a cuppa in peace on a weekend it will be non stop talking and it can be overwhelming.

I do try to embrace though as we are opposites and neither are a negative just different.

If your exhausted don't do the play dates that particular day.

Original poster

Ridingforthekids · 03/04/2022 23:29

I do try to embrace though as we are opposites and neither are a negative just different

I guess that's the right attitude.

OP posts:

Chely · 03/04/2022 23:47

Our kids are very social, I am not.
I do not exchange numbers with other kids parents or do play dates.

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Original poster

Ridingforthekids · 04/04/2022 00:05

@Chely don't your kids have any play dates at all? Don't they have any close friends?

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AHungryCaterpillar · 04/04/2022 00:10

@Chely

Our kids are very social, I am not. I do not exchange numbers with other kids parents or do play dates.

Same as this I have never exchanged numbers with anyone at the park, didn’t know this happened until I saw it on MN!

SignOnTheWindow · 04/04/2022 00:18

My daughter is the lone extrovert in our family. I do feel for her!

I found the key was to arrange lots of playdates, but have something I needed to go on to (real or made up) so that drop offs/pick ups didn't drag on with lots of small talk.

It gets easier as they get older and more independent. She's at secondary school these days and arranges her own social life.

converseandjeans · 04/04/2022 00:20

Surely DD will get invited back which means you get a break.

Original poster

Ridingforthekids · 04/04/2022 00:21

It gets easier as they get older and more independent. She's at secondary school these days and arranges her own social life

I was thinking the same, once she gets older I won't have to be so involved.

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Original poster

Ridingforthekids · 04/04/2022 00:23

@converseandjeans we haven't done play dates with drop off. I usually stay with her and vice-versa.

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Chely · 04/04/2022 10:16

I have 6 of them so they are not short of someone to play with. The teen made friends at school and I don't need to be friendly with her friends parents, be abit awkward when they fall out (which is often). My parents were never friends with my friends parents either so I find it a bit weird that people are like that.

Maternitynamechange · 04/04/2022 10:18

I’m introverted but also polite, which compared to most of the school parents still squares up as being more sociable than them so I don’t sweat it.

FieldOverFence · 04/04/2022 10:27

[quote Ridingforthekids]@converseandjeans we haven't done play dates with drop off. I usually stay with her and vice-versa.[/quote]
This phase isn't too long really - by 6 I was sending mine off on playdates to classmates that i knew, without me - or having the kids to ours (without parents)

HelloDulling · 04/04/2022 10:32

Would she enjoy an after school drama/dance/sport club? That way she can have fun with friends, but you can just drop and collect.

Rainallnight · 04/04/2022 10:35

The whole deal of parenting, though, is to do this we find uncomfortable because our kids like them/need them. If it’s chats in the park or at play dates you must still get time to yourself at other times?

HelloDulling · 04/04/2022 10:37

@Maternitynamechange

I’m introverted but also polite, which compared to most of the school parents still squares up as being more sociable than them so I don’t sweat it.

Does your teen invite her friends home? Or go to theirs?

Rainallnight · 04/04/2022 10:44

*do THINGS

BlingLoving · 04/04/2022 10:49

She's 5 - is the reception or year 1? Because the good news is that really, she's at the age you can start drop and go. This is obviously more true with friends from school who she knows well and who you know better! I would absolutely be cultivating at least one such friendship!

Agree also with a PP, most clubs are drop and go and are great for DC who like social interaction a lot. Drama club might be a good one for her but if she's a social and confident child I'd recommend finding clubs that are at least 1 hour long - better for you and her. More sensitive, introvert children might do better with shorter-length activities.

Original poster

Ridingforthekids · 04/04/2022 11:12

@HelloDulling yes, she does 3 afternoon classes a week

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Original poster

Ridingforthekids · 04/04/2022 11:14

@BlingLoving she is at reception. She does Stagecoach which is 1.5 hrs which she loves.

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Mamette · 04/04/2022 11:16

Just restrict play dates to one a week e.g. Fridays only. Then you can prepare yourself.

BlingLoving · 04/04/2022 11:19

[quote Ridingforthekids]@BlingLoving she is at reception. She does Stagecoach which is 1.5 hrs which she loves.[/quote]
Fantastic. IN which case, I'd definitely cut back on playdates where you have to hang around! Start introducing the idea of drop and go. I find that there's a point at which everyone is thinking about it but not entirely comfortable suggesting so you have to go with gentle suggestions like, "Thank you for the invite, DD would love that. I actually have a few bits to do and I think DD would be happy alone - are you okay if I drop her and pick her up later?" or "Would Penelope like to come to ours for a playdate next week? DD has a few new dolls she's keen to show her. If she's happy to stay without you, we'd be very happy to have her and perhaps you can get some time for a quiet childfree coffee ."

Original poster

Ridingforthekids · 04/04/2022 12:56

@BlingLoving I've already made a point to DH that we are cutting down on play dates from next term and no more phone number exchanges at the playground. Thinking of introducing drop off play dates, I've suggested this once before but the mum wasn't keen on that, so I thought perhaps they are still young.

OP posts:

BlingLoving · 04/04/2022 13:11

[quote Ridingforthekids]@BlingLoving I've already made a point to DH that we are cutting down on play dates from next term and no more phone number exchanges at the playground. Thinking of introducing drop off play dates, I've suggested this once before but the mum wasn't keen on that, so I thought perhaps they are still young.[/quote]
Yes, I think it depends on the parent and the child. And I think most families wouldn't do it with someone they just met at the park.

But look around, you will be pleasantly surprised by the number of parents who will bite your hand off to do playdate swaps, and this will only increase as the DC get older and more confident. You're getting to the age for it! Just hang in a bit longer!

DD7 now has two friends for whom this has actually extended to informal childcare swaps over the holidays - so we have their DC over here one day and they have ours one day. And it means on the day we're childfree we can work but sometimes that's just "downtime" for the parent who is childfree!

Frenziedandfurious · 04/04/2022 13:25

I can't do the small talk either and still find being around multiple other parents very anxiety provoking. It's exhausting.

My DC are now secondary age and sort their own social lives out, it's loads better! However when they were your DC's age they did a club after school most days and something one weekend morning. It was exhausting in itself but better than the endless small talk. Due to work we didn't really do after school playdates and at weekends I was lucky that DH would do the social bit. Neither DC had that many formal playdates when little but both seem fine socially now. DS more introvert than DD he's a home bird like me.

Rainallnight · 04/04/2022 13:50

I think it’s a bit sad you’re cutting back on play dates, OP. It is part of our job as parents to help facilitate our kids’ social lives, at least when they’re little and can’t do it for themselves.

Play dates can be really important in facilitating school friendships.

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