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School “mum” friends

41 replies

AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 18:20

Am I the only one who has never made mum friends at their kids school? I see people say it like it’s almost an assumption you will make loads of mum friends once your kids start school but that’s never happened with me. No one seems particularly friendly, everyone stands around they don’t really make eye contact. It would be hard to even start a conversation. I’m not the type to approach people so it just never happened. I don’t see anyone anymore now as different pick up time but like I said people say it likes it’s a given. Has anyone else not made friends at the school gate?

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caprimoon · 03/04/2022 18:22

When did your child start school? Drop off / pick up has been so different for the past couple of years. I made friends when my older DD started 4 years ago but not so much with my second.

lancslass17 · 03/04/2022 18:24

My Ds is at nursery, and nope no friends I am Facebook friends with a few. Last Christmas I put my number in a few cards and said if you ever want a play date let me know, not heard back from anyone. See what school brings in September.

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AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 18:25

I have a child in year 6 down to reception, year 6 child started at the school half way through year 1 so maybe that’s why? Even my youngest in reception has never been invited to a party which I thought might open up to meet the other parents but nothing/no invites 🤷‍♀️

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Bushkin · 03/04/2022 18:26

Have you hosted birthday parties or offered play dates? Generally up to about 6 parents join play dates or stay at parties so you get to know them then

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/04/2022 18:30

I work and don't do the school gate and I have my own friends

Just because women have children the same age doesn't mean you will have anything else in common.

If you need/want friends take up a hobby, volunteer., get a job - you are far more likely to find new friends with common interests that way.

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AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 18:33

Just to clarify I’m not saying they should be my friends? I don’t think that, I’m saying other people seem surprised by it, that’s all...

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Thatsajokeright · 03/04/2022 18:33

It's REALLY cliquey at my kids school. All the "cool" mums exclude all the others. And all the others are friendly but not that interested in pursuing friendships. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It upset me for awhile because I worry that it will impact my child's friendships but it is what it is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 18:34

@Bushkin

Have you hosted birthday parties or offered play dates? Generally up to about 6 parents join play dates or stay at parties so you get to know them then
No I have not my youngest birthday isn’t till may but I’ve heard it’s unusual for a reception age child to have not been invited to a birthday party.
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AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 18:35

@Thatsajokeright

It's REALLY cliquey at my kids school. All the "cool" mums exclude all the others. And all the others are friendly but not that interested in pursuing friendships. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It upset me for awhile because I worry that it will impact my child's friendships but it is what it is. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes I reckon that’s the case at my kids school.
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HelloDulling · 03/04/2022 18:36

No I have not my youngest birthday isn’t till may but I’ve heard it’s unusual for a reception age child to have not been invited to a birthday party.

What about your eldest? By Year 6 you have hosted, or at least attended parties?

RedskyThisNight · 03/04/2022 18:37

Never made friends with school mums (and my DC are now teens). I was always rushing to or from work so had minimal chance for conversation, and I don't believe that purely chatting in the playground is where friendships are formed anyway. The mums that were friends tended to go for coffee after drop off or knew each other through other routes.

I did get to know a few parents well enough that we could share lifts/childcare if needed. Maybe that's what people expect?

Neverreturntoathread · 03/04/2022 18:45

It depends a bit on the school location and traditions I think. Our school has a big park nearby where most kids go after school. They start playing together and so its easy to drift over and say ‘hi it seesm our chikdren are in the same class?’ to their parents. About 40% are friendly back (some are so unfriendly 😂🤷‍♀️) and I have over the years made some lovely close friends, but it was a lot of effort in the early years - throwing whole class parties, texting strangers to offer playdates, messaging the class rep to suggest coffee mornings, actually being the class rep 🙈, being ‘the fun mum playing with the kids’ in the playground somparents come over and say hi… etc etc.

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AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 18:46

@HelloDulling

No I have not my youngest birthday isn’t till may but I’ve heard it’s unusual for a reception age child to have not been invited to a birthday party.

What about your eldest? By Year 6 you have hosted, or at least attended parties?

No no invites to parties but that’s not really what I’m talking about as I’m sure people still make friends without
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AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 18:47

@Neverreturntoathread

It depends a bit on the school location and traditions I think. Our school has a big park nearby where most kids go after school. They start playing together and so its easy to drift over and say ‘hi it seesm our chikdren are in the same class?’ to their parents. About 40% are friendly back (some are so unfriendly 😂🤷‍♀️) and I have over the years made some lovely close friends, but it was a lot of effort in the early years - throwing whole class parties, texting strangers to offer playdates, messaging the class rep to suggest coffee mornings, actually being the class rep 🙈, being ‘the fun mum playing with the kids’ in the playground somparents come over and say hi… etc etc.
That makes sense, when my daughter started reception it was half days so I use to take her to the local park but never saw a single other parent there from the school!
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HelloDulling · 03/04/2022 18:59

No no invites to parties but that’s not really what I’m talking about as I’m sure people still make friends without

I’m sure they do, but the friends I still have from 13 years ago, when my DD started at school, I met at a party when she’d been there a few weeks. The playground is quite rushed and busy, but at a party the children are occupied, you can talk to the parents over a cup of tea, and perhaps arrange a play date for the next week. That’s how it worked for us, anyway. We are all still friends, our girls less so, as they have grown up.

HelloDulling · 03/04/2022 19:01

I have over the years made some lovely close friends, but it was a lot of effort in the early years - throwing whole class parties, texting strangers to offer playdates, messaging the class rep to suggest coffee mornings, actually being the class rep 🙈

Sounds familiar!

latriciamcneal · 03/04/2022 19:06

No this isn't a place I would expect to make friends since you can't really talk much. It's really hit and miss making friends. You can be around a big group and not click with anyone. You can meet someone for 5 minutes and be lifelong friends. Just talk about what you're interested in. But I would expect to make friends in a place where you could all have things in common, and just being a parent isn't really a thing in common. Most people are parents.

pinkhousesarebest · 03/04/2022 19:07

Honestly, don’t waste your time worrying about it. These friendships melt away like snow of a ditch and the dc go to secondary school.
I do have one mum friend who I count as a real friend but that is completely coincidental.

Gilly12345 · 03/04/2022 19:14

School Mum friendships are clicky and unhealthy, it’s all about the children, birthday parties, after school teas and it’s hard work.

When the children move to secondary school the friendships generally end as the children make their own plans and make new friends.

It’s more important to have your own friends as they are the real friends that matter.

Chely · 03/04/2022 19:16

Urgh no thank you

ReacherMargrave · 03/04/2022 19:16

My eldest is year 6 and I wouldn't say I have made close friends but I know them well enough for a 5 minute chat and the odd night out over the year. My youngest is year 1 and I chat to a handful of parents, the pandemic made things a lot harder. I'm more than happy to keep them as just ppl I speak to in the school playground.

2beautifulbabs · 03/04/2022 19:31

My idea of hell I don't want to get friendly with any of the other mums at my childrens school as pp have mentioned they all tend to be clicky Or two faced.
I'm happy to say hello if someone says hello but that's about it.

LadyFancyPants · 03/04/2022 19:34

I revently moved into a small village. Half of the parents in my child’s class went to school together when they were young and have no interest in making new friends. I was hoping this would be the best way for me to get to know people locally but no luck at all :(

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AHungryCaterpillar · 03/04/2022 19:36

Well I’m glad it’s not just me then!

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Squidlette · 03/04/2022 19:36

I made friends in dd1's class through going to parties and being bored shitless. I then used to bump into a couple at swimming and chat. Then we made friends on fb. Then we organised a Xmas mums' night out. Then another night out that fewer came to. Eventually, about 6 of us were the only one who would turn up. We became friends beyond our kids. In fact, dd doesn't socialise with the other kids from that group at all now.

Dd2 is massively sociable and always has invites to everything. But the parents aren't particularly friendly. Or maybe it's because I feel I've reached my limit now.