Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Would you buy ANOTHER present?

50 replies

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 13:22

Just wanted people's opinions really. My dd (3) has been invited to a second party of one of her nursery friends. This girl has already had a birthday party that my dd went to in Jan/Dec. So it can't be another birthday! It was at a softplay centre and we gave the birthday child a present that cost about £10 and a card. Im assuming they are having 'another' party for said child because the birthday child came over ill at the other party, had to go home and it finished a little early. But the parent didn't say any of this on the second invitation. I don't know the mum or even know her name (she didn't introduce herself even though I put my name on text messages).
So they are having another party this weekend, which I suppose is fair enough if their dd didn't get to enjoy her first one due to being ill, but they didn't say on the invitation, no need to buy presents again. So are they expecting a second lot of presents? I don't mind buying a gift if my dcs have been invited to a party, but money is tight at the moment. What would you do? Just get something small as we've given a birthday gift already? Turn up empty handed? But another gift of the same value, so we don't look ungrateful to be invited? Not go?
If I was in that position, I would've put a little note on the invitations just explaining to other parents what's going on and personally, I would've said, don't worry about presents. Because she's already had them.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

EmpressCixi · 02/04/2022 13:24

Text and ask?

RaRathebravelion · 02/04/2022 13:28

I would not give another present as you gave one. Do you know anyone else going who you could ask?

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 13:29

What do I say? I suppose I should've texted before but it's this weekend . 'Hi is X having another party because she was ill last time? Do I need to buy a present?' . I haven't bought one yet as didn't know what to do.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting General shopping

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 02/04/2022 13:29

I would get a small gift for her. The parents have paid for a second party so I would feel rude if I didn't.

aramox1 · 02/04/2022 13:31

No way. It's too obvious to need saying!

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 13:31

@RaRathebravelion I don't really know any of the other parents, due to covid restrictions at the nursery, not really got to know anyone. I have the number or one other mum who was there last time, but I certainly don't know her well. I don't want to come across as stingy. But if o was in the party parents' position, I would've made it clear as I wouldn't want to look 'grabby'.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 02/04/2022 13:34

I'd buy another present. It's only the same as if it was a completely different child's birthday.

RaRathebravelion · 02/04/2022 13:38

Yes I would have said that too. I wouldn't expect a second gift in those circumstances and would explain to my child that they were given a gift.

They are choosing to pay for a second party and it's reasonable to go if you are available but I don't think it obligates giving a gift.

You could always say when you get there "We didn't buy another gift. Hopefully Charlotte liked the gift we gave her in December".

Also fair enough to have a other party if she was unwell but who really has another party three months later and I think the child would be pretty spoiled to get a second party abs second gift.

Especially if money is tight I'd definitely give no gift but you could always text abs say something like

"Thank you fit the invitation. DD would love to come. We weren't planning to buy s other gift as we bought Charlotte something for get birthday in December but wanted to check that's ok. Also sorry but what was your name again?"

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 13:45

@RaRathebravelion I like your reply. Tbh I do think the child is a bit spoilt (none of my business I know) but she only became unwell half way through her last party, the others all had a good time and wouldn't had noticed it finished a bit early. If that was my child I would explain how it was. It wasn't as if the party was completely cancelled from the get-go. Last time she had a professionally made cake (like a wedding cake) that they didn't even share out in the party bags 😂. Each to their own I suppose.
I think I may get something small (eg a few pounds) and then text and be upfront about asking the mum's name, I suppose some people aren't very good with manners and etiquette socially. I was always brought up to be polite, introduce yourself, say thank you for things and not to appear greedy or make people feel awkward. But I think sometimes, im 'too polite' just to ask things.

OP posts:

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 13:50

There was never even a 'thank you' for the previous gift. Now, I know it can be a bit hectic after a party and thank you cards can get a bit much, but I usually text everyone who came to say 'thanks for coming and thanks for the gifts, dd really enjoyed it'. Something like that. I honestly don't think this parent is very good at communication, most other parents aren't like that, I've never come across anyone like this and I've got 3 dc, all different ages.

OP posts:

CoastalWave · 02/04/2022 13:52

No. She's had a present. Just rock up, don't even mention it. She's the one that wants to hold a party.

Duracellbunnywannabe · 02/04/2022 13:54

I think I would get a bag of sweets or a cheap colouring books and spend £1.

Jjjayfee · 02/04/2022 13:59

Just go and enjoy the party

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 14:03

@CoastalWave might just do that. I don't even care that said child is invited to my dd's birthday (the dd's are quite good friends). As I have already bought the party girl a gift previously and if she doesn't get my dd a gift, I really couldn't give a crap.. dd won't notice, she just wants her friends there.

OP posts:

Margaretmatcher · 02/04/2022 14:10

But what do you do about a card? Would the child expect a card and a present. TBF I think it would be less stressful for you if dc were to give the whole thing a miss

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 14:15

@Margaretmatcher I wasn't going to bother about a card (not the party person's actual bd and confusing?) seems a bit weird writing a birthday card 3 months later, when we've already given one?? Yeah, I had thought that, but dd might be disappointed if she finds out at nursery the party was this weekend.

OP posts:

chesirecat99 · 02/04/2022 14:30

I would buy a small gift. After all, they are hosting your DD and paying for the party/food. You wouldn't turn up empty handed without a bottle of wine or a gift for the host if you were invited to a dinner party or an adult house party, regardless of whether it was to celebrate a birthday, would you?

MrsMoastyToasty · 02/04/2022 14:38

I would buy a £10 present that would also be suitable for your own child. Wrap it up out of sight of your child and then hide it in a large handbag. Suss out the lie of the land when you get there. If nobody else is giving presents then don't bother.

Then next time your DD has been a good girl you can use the present as a reward.

Doje · 02/04/2022 14:38

If you can afford it, spend another fiver on a present. If you can't, don't go. (Or rather that's what I would do! Feel free to go present-less, but I'd feel awkward.)

Idontevenknow · 02/04/2022 14:40

I would buy a small gift for a fiver.

FurBabyMum02 · 02/04/2022 14:41

If unsure I'd maybe go with a little box of sweets or chocolates and maybe a generic blank card where u can write thank you for the party or something

Bimblybomeyelash · 02/04/2022 14:41

I’d think of the gift as a thank you to the host. It doesn’t have to be birthday present sized, but I think it’s a bit rude to turn up to a party empty handed. If you don’t want to buy another gift, then don’t go to another party.

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 14:47

@MrsMoastyToasty tbh I can't really afford another £10 present, I may just get some sweets or a colouring book as a PP suggested. No, I was never brought up to turn up to a party empty handed, hence why I'm asking the question, but also.. if I was hosting a SECOND birthday party and presents had already been given, I'd just expect people's company and not a repeat gift and I'd make that clear. I've hosted parties and some people have brought gifts and some haven't, I didn't even stipulate gifts for my wedding because to me, it's not about that.
Many of my friends have hosted parties and said 'please don't bring anything'. So people don't feel obliged. Those that want to, or can afford it, will anyway.

OP posts:

saltedcaramelanything · 02/04/2022 14:48

A similar thing happened with my DS' nursery friend, but he missed the party completely. They've arranged another party, but very clearly said on the invite "no presents!". I think they actually hid all the presents from the first party to bring out and give the boy at the second party.

That the invite didn't say anything is a bit cheeky. But if you can afford it I'd probably bring something small (less than £5)

RightOnTheEdge · 02/04/2022 14:48

Could you just get a blank card and write Thank you for inviting me to your party and just put a fiver in?
I think if your dd is invited to the party then you should probably give a small token gift.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread