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Original poster

Would you buy ANOTHER present?

50 replies

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 13:22

Just wanted people's opinions really. My dd (3) has been invited to a second party of one of her nursery friends. This girl has already had a birthday party that my dd went to in Jan/Dec. So it can't be another birthday! It was at a softplay centre and we gave the birthday child a present that cost about £10 and a card. Im assuming they are having 'another' party for said child because the birthday child came over ill at the other party, had to go home and it finished a little early. But the parent didn't say any of this on the second invitation. I don't know the mum or even know her name (she didn't introduce herself even though I put my name on text messages).
So they are having another party this weekend, which I suppose is fair enough if their dd didn't get to enjoy her first one due to being ill, but they didn't say on the invitation, no need to buy presents again. So are they expecting a second lot of presents? I don't mind buying a gift if my dcs have been invited to a party, but money is tight at the moment. What would you do? Just get something small as we've given a birthday gift already? Turn up empty handed? But another gift of the same value, so we don't look ungrateful to be invited? Not go?
If I was in that position, I would've put a little note on the invitations just explaining to other parents what's going on and personally, I would've said, don't worry about presents. Because she's already had them.

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HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 02/04/2022 14:50

It's not her birthday so you do t actually need to buy a gift. Just go and do t even mention it

Bdhntbis · 02/04/2022 14:52

Go to the works and buy something for £5; it’s a fair exchange for your DD being entertained for a couple of hours in my opinion

BluebellsGreenbells · 02/04/2022 14:54

My son had ‘2’ birthdays one year, one was a tea party at home with 6 friends, but he really wanted an outdoor climbing party which was too cold (I didn’t fancy two hours midwinter standing about in the rain) in winter so I told the parents for the second gathering not to buy a gift as he had already had them.

Think that makes sense!

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Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 15:10

@BluebellsGreenbells I would've said the same if we were in that position. I can understand having another party as they couldn't enjoy it on their actual birthday, but I wouldn't expect gifts again and would make it clear.

OP posts:

Beetlebum1981 · 02/04/2022 15:14

What about an Easter egg? You get get one for £1-2. It's a gesture & you can make the point of saying I hope you liked the present we got you for your birthday!

VeganGod · 02/04/2022 15:17

I think you should buy another gift if you send your child to the party, it makes no difference that the child has had a previous party, this is a separate thing. If your child is invited to a party, you give a gift, unless the parents specifically say no gifts. Absolutely fine to spend less than last time, some people only ever spend a couple of pounds.

It’s not for you to decide the child is spoiled, or that their cake was too big or that they should have shared the cake with everyone. If you’re that annoyed you didn’t get a thank you and have also decided the mum isn’t good enough at communicating, then don’t send your child. I do think it’s polite to send a thank you text but I wouldn’t really care when it’s someone I don’t really know at nursery.

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 15:17

I'd happily not take my dd (my idea of hell to be sat in a softplay centre for 2hrs). Dd will be entertained but at that age, parents are expected to be there. Sometimes I take my older dd to help out (I've had some surgery and still recovering). But I don't think dd1 will be about. So it's a massive effort for me aswell, but I'll do it because I know dd will be pleased to see her friend. Although I'm not going to say too much to dd today. If I really don't feel up to it tomorrow, I'll text and say we are ill.

OP posts:

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 15:19

@Beetlebum1981 yes I may do that!

OP posts:

chesirecat99 · 02/04/2022 15:24

No, I was never brought up to turn up to a party empty handed, hence why I'm asking the question, but also.. if I was hosting a SECOND birthday party and presents had already been given, I'd just expect people's company and not a repeat gift and I'd make that clear.

It isn't a "second" birthday party, it's a party. Etiquette is that you bring a small thank you gift for your host. They have gone to time and expense to host the party. A small gift of a colouring book or sweets is fine but you should take a token gift.

Why is it so "grabby" to host a party and not specify no gifts? You don't know that they are expecting them. I'm sure they aren't hosting the party to get gifts, it will cost them far more per child to host the party than £10. Although, it's not a birthday party, so no need to spend that much. I think it's ruder not to bring a token thank you gift to a party than it is to host a non-birthday party and not tell guests not to bring gifts.

I wouldn't judge them about the cake either. I know there is a new thing to have "stunt cakes" at kids' birthday parties that don't get served (now that is rude) but I don't think I would have been serving my DC's birthday cake after they blew out the candles if they got sick mid party

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 15:35

@chesirecat99 it is a second birthday party, because the invitation says 'invited to celebrate X's 4th birthday'. But they had a party to celebrate their 4th birthday 3 months ago! . I know it's not up to me to judge if they're spoilt or not, people can do what they want with their own dcs. But myself and many other parents would've said why they are having another birthday party and said what to to
Do about presents etc? Even if it was, bring a present or not, up to you?? I just wouldn't want guests to feel confused/obliged.

OP posts:

VeganGod · 02/04/2022 15:47

I don’t think most parents will feel confused. Your child is invited to a party, you take a present. A lot of parents might not even remember that the child already had a party before if they go to lots of parties and they don’t know the parents/kids very well. They tend to all blend into one unless the party is something very different.

Alwayspaintyournails · 02/04/2022 15:47

[quote AlphaJura]@chesirecat99 it is a second birthday party, because the invitation says 'invited to celebrate X's 4th birthday'. But they had a party to celebrate their 4th birthday 3 months ago! . I know it's not up to me to judge if they're spoilt or not, people can do what they want with their own dcs. But myself and many other parents would've said why they are having another birthday party and said what to to
Do about presents etc? Even if it was, bring a present or not, up to you?? I just wouldn't want guests to feel confused/obliged.[/quote]
Silly question but are you entirely sure it’s the same child and not two Sarah’s for instance?

If it is the same child I would take some sweets as a thank you gift but not a 2nd birthday present.

I too wouldn’t judge about the cake, it could be a multitude of reasons;
Sick child blew out candles.
Suck child hadn’t blew out candles and already missing half of party so took it home to salvage something.
Forgot in all the upheaval.

NWQM · 02/04/2022 15:55

Another vote for an Easter Egg

fabulousathome · 02/04/2022 16:15

An Easter egg perhaps? A small gift might be appropriate.

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 16:19

@Alwayspaintyournails I did think that, tbh because it threw me a bit to get another invitation for same child, but dd said there's only one 'X' plus the telephone number was the same for the parent for the previous party. That's why I would've said something, so people didn't think it was a completely different child.

OP posts:

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 16:27

Thanks for all your replies. I'm just going to get a token gift for being invited, so as not to turn up empty handed. I'm not getting another 'birthday gift' and card because they've already had that, if that was my dd, I'd explain that. I can understand hosting another celebration, or doing that at a different time from your birthday, plenty of people do that, and if the party had been cancelled and we hadn't already given a birthday gift, I'd also give a 'belated' one. I just think it's weird to expect two lots of birthday cards and presents and expect parents to spend another 2 hrs of their time. I know some people said, maybe they don't expect that, but who sends out 2 birthday invitations during the same year without so much as an explanation as to why? Maybe their dd is like the Queen and has 2 birthdays a year!

OP posts:

LesLavandes · 02/04/2022 16:34

A small glittery Easter Egg is an inexpensive and nice gift

stripeyflowers · 02/04/2022 16:41

I wouldn't feel right going with nothing but I would not another present.
As someone said, sweets and maybe a colouring book or something?

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2022 16:42

I would buy another present as I would consider that my 'cost' to go to soft play and eat party food.

newusernamelouise · 02/04/2022 16:42

I think of children's parties as a bit like an exchange. They provide the fun venue, cake, or a party bag and you provide a present! It doesn't really matter how many parties there have been that way if you see what I mean as it's still an "exchange".

chesirecat99 · 02/04/2022 16:43

So they are having a second birthday party because the first one was ruined for the child. Fair enough.

That shouldn't really effect whether you give a gift or not, only the value of the gift if it isn't a birthday gift. It's a party, you should bring a gift for the host, birthday party or not.

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 17:02

@newusernamelouise I do see them more of an 'exhange' when they are a bit older and you can leave them there! But before 5, you're expected to stay and I actually feel bad asking parents to break up their weekends for my dc, but it's what you do as a parent! I see the exchange more as il say to my dd, 'why don't you invite so and so because they invited you'. But the difference is, I won't be having another party and expecting people to come and buy again for my dd. If she was ill on the day, I may rearrange for another day. In their situation, personally, I wouldn't because she had over half the party and presents.

OP posts:

Original poster

AlphaJura · 02/04/2022 17:05

I still find it weird that they didn't write 'seeing as X's birthday party in Jan was ruined due to her being unwell, we are having another celebration on...' we would love it if you could make it. Isn't that what most people would've done??

OP posts:

VeganGod · 02/04/2022 17:11

No, I wouldn’t feel the need to explain to people at nursery. They either accept the invite or not. I think you need to let it go OP, i don’t understand why you’re so bothered that she’s gone about it differently to you.

Gowithme · 02/04/2022 17:24

What a bizarre situation OP! Who has another birthday party 3 months later because the first one didn't go quite as planned?? I like the easter egg idea, I think it's a good way of handling things.

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