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Original poster

Finding out sex VS a surprise…

46 replies

kellies98x · 31/03/2022 18:08

12 weeks pregnant with baby 2!

Me and DH have the most amazing DS. Right now I say I want 3 kids but we said our 2nd will decide whether we’ll have a 3rd!

I’d love a girl as it’d be nice to have one of each if we do say 2 is enough for us. But I’d also love a brother for DS, both options are amazing and I’d be happy :)

With DS we found out his sex early and then got it confirmed at 20w scan, we were very impatient. We wanted a boy first and I think if we had a girl I may have been disappointed for some my pregnancy, no hate for this please gender disappointment is real and I’d still love my baby no matter what they are.

I’ve heard a benefit of a surprise is you don’t care whatever you’re just happy to meet the baby! However I do like the thought of knowing wether DS would get a little sister or brother and getting him excited for them and he can call the baby by their name (we have a girl and a boys name picked out)

Anyone who’s had a surprise regarding babies sex what was the experience like?
Have you also had a child you found out the sex of - how does it compare?

I’m an impatient person but with this potentially being my last pregnancy it would be nice to experience a surprise in case we don’t get to do this again

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AnotherNC22 · 31/03/2022 18:12

We only have one baby but we had a surprise. Once we decided not to find out the sex, i actually didnt feel impatient (just more annoyed at how many baby clothes are not in neutrals 🤣). On delivery, the midwives held up our baby for my husband to tell me that she was a girl as she was passed over to me. It was a lovely moment 😊

HorribleHerstory · 31/03/2022 18:21

Congratulations OP.

For my first baby I waited until they were born, and it was nice, not earth shattering really, no big moment as there is a lot of other stuff going on immediately after the baby emerges, I was busy trying to fend off an unasked-for, zero consent or warning given needle in my thigh at the time, so it wasn’t entirely magical.

For my second baby I found out the sex with the post mortem results.

For all of my subsequent babies I found out as early as I could and I think I liked that better, getting good news whilst I can, gives you something to hold on to.

Roselilly36 · 31/03/2022 18:22

I found out both times, was absolutely delighted to find out I was having a boy, I didn’t tell anyone, but I really did want a baby boy.

With DS2 they seemed reluctant to tell me, I wonder if they thought I may have been upset. I just laughed and said another boy is lovely.

I did think, even though DH & I agreed on two, perhaps a third would be nice, but DS2 put pay too that, he was a very difficult baby, no way would we have ever considered a third. And if we had I am sure we would have had another boy.

Wishing you every happiness OP.

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DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 31/03/2022 18:27

Both were a surprise but in my second child's pregnancy I was convinced it was another girl, and I was happy as I'm one of two girls and I assumed that girls would get on best, when DS came out I was genuinely shocked! Had a little armchair theory about their pgs being the same, similar cravings etc

Anyway 2.5 yrs later it's largely irrelevant, I am pleased to have one of each but it's not hugely impactive as DD is a tomboy and mainly wears boys clothing. Great for hand me downs!

Best wishes OP, you'll be happy with whatever comes out!

ShadowPuppets · 31/03/2022 18:32

We didn’t find out with #1, can’t say there was much surprise as it was a relatively dramatic final hour so I was just delighted she was ok to be honest!

We did find out this time as we wanted to be able to tell DD about whether she was having a brother or a sister. It’s been interesting, I think I have bonded a bit better with him compared to DD as I know his name now etc etc. But then that could also just be that I can envisage the squirmy thing in my tummy turning into an actual baby now which I couldn’t quite get my head around last time! It’s also been useful practically as we know this is our last baby so I’ve got rid of eg DD’s summer dresses that don’t fit anymore.

I don’t think either way is particularly better or worse, but I know DH preferred finding out as it made things a bit more real for him (as far as I’m concerned between the sciatica, heartburn, lack of sleep and 9 months of sobriety it’s real enough!)

pumpkinpie01 · 31/03/2022 18:33

I have 4dc and didn't find out with any of them , with the 3rd I really wanted a girl after 2 boys but didn't want to get my hopes up . I was absolutely over the moon when I was told I had a dd, such a lovely surprise. With my 4th I was sure I was having a boy to the point I would tell people I was if they asked , I was right .

Thewindwhispers · 31/03/2022 18:34

I don’t think the ‘surprise’ idea works, everyone pictures their baby and starts thinking about the future and you will begin picturing either a boy or a girl, you just will. I think find out asap to avoid a ‘but that’s not my baby I pictured’ feeling later.

RampantIvy · 31/03/2022 18:35

Only have one, and didn't want to find out the sex until they were born as all I wanted was a successful pregnancy with a happy outcome.

VariationsonaTheme · 31/03/2022 18:41

Didn’t find out with either dc. There aren’t many genuine surprises left in the world so we made the most of it. But we genuinely didn’t mind what we had, didn’t do the imagining what it would be like etc.

DarleneSnell · 31/03/2022 18:45

Didn't find out with either, I had no preference so just had fun guessing throughout the pregnancies. Once the scan opportunity had passed there was zero temptation anyway.

Was wonderful finding out at the very end, and gave my husband a great moment to be the one to reveal it.

I was convinced I knew the sex the first time and was totally wrong. No disappointment whatsoever, on the big day you are thrilled with the baby that comes out, regardless of its sex!

savedbyanalien · 31/03/2022 18:53

Found out both times. I like to be organised.

ThirdElephant · 31/03/2022 19:24

I did both. Found out first time at 20 weeks, waited for a surprise the second time. Finding out was better for me- it meant I got to savour finding out and telling people. With the surprise, I didn't ever really get to react to it, because the baby was there and their sex was irrelevant compared to that. I know people talk about it being magical and stuff to find out at the birth, but I didn't feel it added anything to the experience.

ArtfulScreamer · 31/03/2022 20:25

I had a surprise both times. DD came first and I was convinced mothers intuition and all that that I was having a boy so she really was a surprise. With DS we thought we'd seen a penis on a scan but weren't entirely sure so didn't know either way. I always thought I'd want to find out with a second but when it came to it I liked the surprise.

HotDogKetchup · 31/03/2022 20:26

I had two surprises and was glad I did. I had neutral newborn and 0-3 and just bought clothes when baby was born - tbh my Mum and MIL knew this was my plan so between them bought nearly every baby grow in M&S when they were born. With my first I got neutrals aswell as knew I’d have a second and didn’t want it to be redundant if the next wasn’t the same sex.

I don’t really understand “wanting to be organised” you don’t know what size clothes etc they’ll take until they’re born.

jamsandwich1 · 31/03/2022 20:31

I found out with my first and had DS. Second time round I decided I wanted a surprise as I didn’t care either way. I was convinced was a boy though as the sonographer at 12 weeks said it was obvious and they could tell already. At 20 week scan they told me to look away from the screen at the crucial moment as ‘it was so obvious’.
I had the most wonderful surprise when DD arrived and DH told me the news. I don’t really remember but apparently I was still on all fours and just turned around saying ‘WHAT?’ when he told me!

TheChurchOfEli · 31/03/2022 20:33

I didn’t find out. Was convinced I was having a boy but turned out she was a girl: I didn’t have any preference either way and certainly didn’t have any “that’s not my baby” moments! I never wanted to find out throughout the pregnancy, neither did DH. No regrets and certainly didn’t affect my ability to bond with baby either and it was a nice surprise.

ShowOfHands · 31/03/2022 20:35

I found out because dh wanted to and I wasn't fussed either way. As it happens, I was unconscious when my first was born and I'm glad I found out earlier in a non-traumatic moment.

There's no right or wrong way, just what works for you.

Sleepyquest · 31/03/2022 20:42

Two babies, Two surprises and genuinely surprised and elated both times well worth the wait in my opinion

PrisonerofZeroCovid · 31/03/2022 20:43

I found out with DC1 and then had a surprise with DC2. Tbh I preferred the surprise. I genuinely didn't mind what I had - if I'd had a strong preference I'd have found out so I could adjust to it.

everyone pictures their baby and starts thinking about the future and you will begin picturing either a boy or a girl, Maybe with the first one- with the second one (for me) it was just a really abstract concept till it was born.

KylieCharlene · 31/03/2022 20:45

I found out both times as I was so impatient and I'm also quite controlling and like to be organised.
In hindsight I wish I'd waited and experienced the surprise. It adds a magical element to such a momentous event I imagine.

20viona · 31/03/2022 20:47

It's a surprise no matter when you find out. I will be finding out at 20 weeks the same as I did with my daughter.

amylou8 · 31/03/2022 20:48

We weren't told when I was pregnant (20+ years ago), but after 2 boys I had a private scan and found out that my 3rd was a girl. I definitely preferred knowing.

CarryonCovid · 31/03/2022 20:57

2 surprises here.I loved keeping them in white babygrows till 6 weeks regardless.

mamabr · 31/03/2022 21:03

I admire mothers that can be patient enough to wait until the birth!

I found out asap with both babies, I'm 20 weeks and I was certain I was having another girl and I was right. Plus I like to buy clothes in stages as to when I see them so I just could not wait.

I was elated to find out the sex whilst pregnant though 🙂

SnowdropFox · 31/03/2022 22:47

We didn't find out with dd and not finding out with current bump either.
Enjoy the not knowing, having a neutral nursery (animal theme) and having a mix of clothing that you suit a boy or girl. Like having a shortlist of names for either and having our guesses for if dd is getting a wee sis or bro.
I enjoy the anticipation I suppose and just couldn't imagine finding out early.

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