Finding out sex VS a surprise…

[kellies98x]

12 weeks pregnant with baby 2!

Me and DH have the most amazing DS. Right now I say I want 3 kids but we said our 2nd will decide whether we’ll have a 3rd!

I’d love a girl as it’d be nice to have one of each if we do say 2 is enough for us. But I’d also love a brother for DS, both options are amazing and I’d be happy :)

With DS we found out his sex early and then got it confirmed at 20w scan, we were very impatient. We wanted a boy first and I think if we had a girl I may have been disappointed for some my pregnancy, no hate for this please gender disappointment is real and I’d still love my baby no matter what they are.

I’ve heard a benefit of a surprise is you don’t care whatever you’re just happy to meet the baby! However I do like the thought of knowing wether DS would get a little sister or brother and getting him excited for them and he can call the baby by their name (we have a girl and a boys name picked out)

Anyone who’s had a surprise regarding babies sex what was the experience like?
Have you also had a child you found out the sex of - how does it compare?

I’m an impatient person but with this potentially being my last pregnancy it would be nice to experience a surprise in case we don’t get to do this again

I had my first baby in November, we didn't find out - we did get it written in an envelope just in case we changed our mind...but I think knowing I had the option I was ok not knowing. Had we not had that I think I'd have been thinking I've missed out and wanted to know more.

My only annoyance was everything g was gender neutral, which is fine...but the 'wardrobe' was just so dull. I much prefer the coloured clothes, rather than just whites.

I'd only bought gender neutral in 0-3, baby is a girl was much smaller, got gifted a load of pretty baby grows and loved the colours. Was a bit disappointed when she grew into the neutral clothes haha.

I found out with all three of mine.

It was a nice moment while having a scan and I think it gives you a little bit of the joy to come. Also by my third and last it was good to know which clothes I could start getting rid of!

There's no right way and in the end it doesn't really matter when you find out but I think there's so much emotion after giving birth that the gender to me would have not really added to that whereas I had a nice moment during the 20 week scan sort of a sneak peak of the baby they'd be).

Loved the surprise with our now 1 year old daughter

One great thing was I didn’t get heaps of blue or pink clothes - got more neutral stuff or useful stuff other than clothes

It was amazing being told what we had after she was born

I definitely wouldn’t find out again if I was having another

We knew our first was a girl quite early on.
However our second was an awkward child even before birth and the sex wasn't clear at the 20 week scan. So we found out at birth.

Honestly? There was no difference really... except a bit of practical buying of some more neutral 0-1 month clothing as we were given quite a bit of pink first time round.

I know people with children whove found out to help prepare the older child which always seems logical. My gap was only 20 months so DD didn't really understand or care. (Although was fascinated with her after birth)

Found out sex at birth for both as I wanted to meet them all at once rather than start to build a picture as to who they would be. Quite enjoyed pondering what I was in for though sometimes felt impatient (but that's pregnancy for you 😆) and we had names for either sex, when dd was born, dh said 'its 'girls name' which was quite a nice moment.
But I think it's just personal, some people like to know ASAP some like to wait, it doesn't matter really
Be wary of telling oldest, an acquaintance of my sisters was trying to sue her maternity department because she'd gone to town on the sex based choices of nursery decor and then the scan was wrong.she didn't get very far, fortunately as that was a dick move, but you take the point

No1-thought I was having a girl-proved right
No2-boy-I had a boy
No3-didn’t have a clue I was pregnant so the sex was the last thing on my mind!
No4-thought I was having a girl but had a boy
No5-didn’t find out but was convinced I was having a girl-had a boy
No6-I just knew I was having a girl and the hospital said a boy
Bit of a shock when she didn’t have a Willy!

Looking back I wish I’d waited to find out with all 6 but all that mattered was they where fine

I found out with DD at about 14w via a harmony test and loved knowing. I didn't go out and buy shit loads of pink stuff, DD spent a lot of time in gender neutral handmedowns from her cousins. But it was nice seeing the odd item I really liked and being able to buy it when I was pregnant. I felt like I was preparing for the arrival of My Daughter, rather than just A Baby iyswim. We picked her name a few months before she was born, so I used to chat away to her, calling her by her name. Those are some of my happiest memories of my pregnancy, sitting on the loo in work asking her how she was getting on. Also I was so exhausted by the time she was born, I pretty much dozed off once I heard her cry until she was placed in my arms, so I'm glad I wasn't holding out for an amazing reveal moment. I will 100% find out again if I am lucky enough to carry another long enough.

I asked the consultant who did the scan and blood draw about what sort of find out/surprise split there was, and he said that for first time parents it was about 50:50, for second timers it was more like 80% who found out.

I found out with all 4 of mine.

The first 3 I asked and was told at the anomaly scan.

My 4th I was going to have a surprise as I knew it was my last, but I hated not knowing and asked the sex at a 36 week growth scan. I’m glad I did as she had swallowed meconium as I was delivering her and they whisked her off straight after, so I wouldn’t have had that lovely ‘it’s a girl’ moment anyway.

I have 2 kids and did both - first we waited, second we were told at the scan.

I have to say it made absolutely no difference to my enjoyment of the pregnancy and birth. I 'knew' in both cases anyway before the scan as I'd had recurring dreams!

Knowing the second time had some minor practical benefits like only having to choose 1 name and knowing what to keep/buy.

@Thewindwhispers

I don’t think the ‘surprise’ idea works, everyone pictures their baby and starts thinking about the future and you will begin picturing either a boy or a girl, you just will. I think find out asap to avoid a ‘but that’s not my baby I pictured’ feeling later.

This wasn't true for me. I didn't find out with any of mine and didn't have a set picture of either sex. None of them were/are anything like the babies or children I imagined anyway!

Didn’t find out with either of mine, I actually didn’t look until about 5 minutes after they were born. It was just nice to be able to be with my baby.

I had a surprise. Towards the end of my pregnancy became absolutely convinced I was having a girl - turned out I was! When the baby was born I remember her being held up and me briefly seeing the umbilical cord and in my slightly high state on gas and air thinking it was a boy! I felt elated. Asked my husband whether we had a boy or a girl - he said girl and I felt elated. I feel glad to know that whatever the sex I would have been overjoyed. Calling my parents and letting them know they had a healthy baby granddaughter (the first grandchild in the family) was wonderful

I've never thought it's much of a surprise. It's not like there's a hundred options, there's only two and you've clearly thought through the implications of both.

It's a surprise wether you find out at 20 weeks or at the birth.

I’ve done both. Can’t say I really preferred one over the other tbh, both were equally special. If I was having a third I probably wouldn’t find out though.

• This wasn't true for me. I didn't find out with any of mine and didn't have a set picture of either sex. None of them were/are anything like the babies or children I imagined anyway!*

I agree! I didn’t find out with DD and when she was born it was more of a ‘oh it’s you - of course!’ moment. So lovely, but I don’t imagine it’s going to be any different with DS when he arrives next month even though I know his sex. It’s sort of like when you know you’re straight, you might daydream about the man you’ll marry one day, but that doesn’t mean you would reject your future DH when he’s not like the guy you imagined before you met him!

I think a surprise is great if you have a textbook delivery and you get the amazing holding up the baby and declaring the sex moment.

In my birth it would have been awful - finding out the sex while I haemorrhaged and was vomiting and crying... I'm so glad we had the special moment of opening an envelope together and finding out when we could really enjoy it. I would have been gutted to wait 40 weeks and find out at a time when I honestly couldn't have cared less what was between the baby's legs.

I've had two surprises.
Chose a surprise for first, as had no preference. Also, I work in obstetrics, and we love finding out when you do too! Opted for a surprise with second, as again, I had no preference, and DC1 was too young to care if they were getting a baby brother or sister. I did have gut feelings for both (which were both right!). Loved finding out at birth with both. The strongest and most pleasant memories of both births. Not that either birth was bad. If I were to have a third, I wouldn't find out again.

I've done both. If I had any more babies, I definitely wouldn't find out. It was so much better finding out once baby was born. 🥰

With my first I waited until he was born. I had bought into the rhetoric of having this amazing surprise at the end, but I was actually so out of it after a long labour and EMCS that I didn't care. They said 'it's a boy!' and I sort of mumbled 'oh right' and conked out!

Second time around I found out at 16 weeks and it was lovely. We went to a nice café nearby afterwards and texted our family and friends while having tea and cake. It was so nice and I loved being able to relive the excitement each time I got chatting to someone. Good job, as I was totally out of it when the second baby was born, too! All I remember was a baby coming out covered in blood and the Dr shouting 'I can't stop the bleeding, we have to go to theatre!' as I started feeling woozy. I just have photos of me meeting my second baby as proof that it happened, as I have no memories of it!

Third time around, we found out at 16 weeks. Again, I loved telling our kids and just loved telling people! It was really special to have that sweet moment over and over. Again, I felt really unwell right after the birth and the baby was whisked away to NICU, so that would have been yet another damp squib of a sex announcement.

I do get a bit when people say things like 'I didn't find out as I all I wanted was a healthy baby'. The two aren't mutually exclusive and you can just want a healthy baby AND happen to be interested I the baby's sex before he or she is born. It implies some kind of shallowness on the part of the mother, as if her love comes with conditions based on the baby's sex. I always say that I was just so curious about my babies that I would have loved to have known anything about them while they were in there cooking! Sex, eye colour, hair colour personality, personality...IF they could have told me I would have been interested to know. I scoured the 3D scan pictures to see what she looked like and just loved any kind of information about my little baby. None of it mattered though, I was just curious. For me it has just been curiosity and wanting to enjoy that moment with my full senses and faculties fully operational!

We didn't find out because I had read so much about people subconsciously biasing they way they treat boys and girls (to the detriment of both) even if they want to be fair and treat them equally that I thought that at least if we did all our baby shopping not knowing then that part would be safe from bias at least....
The discovery was a non-event - I had an emergency c-section and the baby was shown to me on the way past to be handed to my DH as I got stitched back up, the nurse said "here he is!" and I was all "oh! Is it a boy then?" and she was super flustered as she had assumed that we'd have already known that.