How on earth to do a routine?!

[Scottishnewmum]

This is particularly aimed at those of you who are more disorganised than most. I'm a ftm with an 8 week old and I am struggling to get out of the house each day let alone start and stick to a routine. I've had a bit of sleep regression this week and now she cries and fights every nap and will only sleep in my arms at night (she also has reflux). It's currently 11 am and I've let her sleep until now because I am so tired and she needs sleep, having missed out on it yesterday by screaming through what should have been nap time while we were out in the pram. I have no idea how to establish a routine. Even if I coule do it (and frankly, I am exhausted, so if she wants to stay in bed I feel like letting her), she just won't sleep now during the day or night without a fight so how on earth can I schedule it? I can get nothing done either because of this. The house is a mess. Leaving the house is a massive task and now awful because she screams in the pram (but I need to get food!). If I don't feed her when she is hungry, she bawls the place down, so how can I make a schedule out of that? I'm so tired and I live abroad so well awax from family and friends. Help!

Hi. Always have food on standby. Just do the basic for housework. Try sleep when she does. Which country you in?

Don’t bother with a routine! I have 4 children and never did. If i had to collect the older ones from school and the baby was having a nap - the baby just had to go - and might drift off again in the car or buggy later.

If you want to go out - plan it the night before - get everything ready that you meed to take - and both of your clothes ready.

Would she be happier in a sling when you go out?

Try not to get upset about the house being messy. Things are hard now when the baby is so young but this is only a temporary thing.

I often felt overwhelmed with my first - and hardly left the house for the first few weeks as i could not get organised!

Also, mine only ever slept in the bed with me - and i never bothered with putting then for naps - if they happened to fall asleep in the car seat or buggy etc then i left them sleep as long as they liked.

I never bothered with a bed time when they were small. The baby would sit up with us and when they drift off i would put them in their cot - or else bring them up into the bed with me with a bottle when i was going to bed.

This would not suit everyone but it worked well for us. My youngest is 3 now - and they all go off to bed at bedtime with no major issues.

Get a sling, and don't bother with a routine, there's no need especially that young.

I’m sorry, but if you have an unsettled newborn like this (I did too) I just don’t think you do. I killed myself trying to get DS into a routine thinking that would be the answer to all our problems. He too screamed solidly in the pram, would only sleep at night if held and fought naps during the day. His sleep and mood was wildly unpredictable and the first 3 months or so nearly broke me if I’m honest. I think you just have to meet their needs as much as you can, but equally accept there will be a lot of crying because, as you say, you need to do basics like get shopping. Look up the concept of a ‘high needs baby’. I think some semblance of a routine happened for us at about 5 months - but even then there was very little predictability as to how the day would pan out. Also agree with a PP - get a sling. DS screamed his head off in that too, but he would eventually fall asleep, he could keep the screaming up in the buggy for hours. Don’t plan when you will go shopping - wait for a good nap and a feed to happen then go.

It’ll get better. Literally everything after this will feel like a breeze.

8 week old here two plus toddler. Sling is a life saver for getting on with things whilst baby needs holding. Then when she's been in it a while I can usually successfully transfer her to the pram for a nap.
When you get up in the morning (and need to leave the house) get both of you dressed and ready before going downstairs. If baby has to cry for a few mins whilst you do it that's fine. It won't damage her. We have no routine for the baby here yet (she just fits around the toddlers!)
Lower your expectations on housework etc. Hard to do I know as j struggle with the mess a toddler makes and can't keep up with the tidying but just have to let it go.

Ah she's 8 weeks.

At the moment just embrace the chaos and respond as best you can. All bets are off! It really is - is everyone safe, clean, warm, fed and not distressed? If so you have "won" -Clearing and all that stuff - just the basics to muddle along.

In six months or so things will be settling down and your baby will be more into a pattern.

At the moment it's really all about feeding tbh.

But in six months shell be awake more and wanting to do more when she's awake - sitting up, trying to roll and crawl, babbling, eating finger food in her high chair, trying to pull up to stand. Then she'll be tired and need a nap. She'll have brek lunch and dinner and milk after each and before bed. She'll have a bedtime and although she will still prob wake in the night it might be one or two wakes, quick feed and back to sleep.

At that point you'll know when she will be napping and then you can see how the land lies and what sort of routine would work and what you might be able to get done when she's asleep.

I found the EASY routine the easiest of a hard lot to follow- it's the baby whisperer. It's less about timings and more about what to look for and cues to take from your baby - eat activity sleep you time.
A lot about not over stimulating if I remember right. The other I well known and controversial one is Gina Ford- I wasn't a huge fan however i did find her sleep timings useful to get a rough idea of how much day and night sleeps should last .
If you want to do it without a book or manual just keep a note of feed times and nap times over a few days to see if there is any pattern I found with my younger kids as they had to fit in with older siblings days- playgroup, school etc we would be out with the pram at specific times and so a routine developed from there that I stucj with at weekends and holidays (eg i would still take the baby out in the pram at 845 at the weekend as this was the time we left for playgroup and they were in a parttern of falling asleep on the walk to playgroup and it meant I could wheel the pram inside and get on with stuff while the baby napped) and same with the afternoon naps . Personally I found having a routine really helped give me and the baby a bit of structure and made everything feel a bit more manageable but I know not everyone is a fan.

My eldest was a complete Velcro baby till around 10 weeks. She would be in the sling and I would use the pram for all the shopping 🤣. A very expensive highly engineered shopping trolley.

She slept on me every night and I could only put her down from the sling if she was totally put for the count. I so remember trying to unhook the sling so carefully and lower her down. Once she reached a 45 degree angle she often woke up🤣

One day at about 10 weeks she had a nap in her Moses basket and started to ride in the her car seat attached to the pram.

Thanks everyone! She is sitting in the sling right now, screaming her head off. She was such a ln easy baby until about 6 weeks and now everything is hard. She seems to hate everything! I guess her needs are just so changeable and unpredictable (i.e. sometimes she has reflux so badly she can't go on her back for two hours, sometimes she feeds for 10 mins and sometimes 45, sometimes she screams all day and sometimes never), I just can't imagine making a routine out of all of it. Good to know that not everybody does it because I don't see how I could ever manage it, though I will look up the EASY method.

I’m a fan of routines but that’s just me personally, because I’m not a person who copes with chaos. So I did put all of mine into a routine from the day we got home from hospital, I did 7-7 routine. Yes I would wake them to feed, did a bedtime routine that started at 6pm prompt. It took a few weeks to establish.
All of that probably sounds horrendous to most mums on here but it was how I coped. I never try to tell other parents they should do this because I know it won’t work for everyone.
OP you just do whatever you need to get through.

We didn't have a routine at all until about 16mo. Before that it was just pointless and not worth the stress when the routine would ultimately fail. We followed DC lead. It was hard, as parenting a very small baby is, but we got there in the end.

Never bothered with a routine. It all just slowly settled down after 18 months or so.

I agree about the EASY method and Gina Ford. I got given her book and all I used it for was the framework for a routine. It was brilliant.
For naps/ sleeping it can be hard to tell when a baby is tired before it becomes overtired. So scheduling a nap at the same time each day really works. A good tip is to get them used to having daytime naps in the pram then if you ever have to go out at nap time you can do so and baby can be having the usual nap in the pram. I would put white noise on my phone at high volume and push the pram back and forth. At first there would be 20 mins before settling but that got less and less then went to nothing. Something else that helped me a lot was doing what's called the dream feed. So you feed baby at 11 pm/midnight and they feed without even waking. When you get to sleep yourself in that window of midnight to 4/5am it feels like bliss. But also remember the routine is a general framework so you still respond to your baby and it might not be exactly on the minute for some things each day.

Yeah I'd just relax and go with flow.

Ahh 8 weeks is still so tiny - I'd say if thinking you need a routine is causing you stress then you don't need a routine! Just go with the flow (also if I remember correctly 8 weeks is around the ultra fussy, crying for no reason sort of time so totally pointless trying a routine) I loosely followed wake windows and that was it. When she was 6 months and sleeping in her own room we started a bed time routine. Once naps are more predictable your life will be much easier

One of mine had silent reflux that started at 6 weeks. It was hell it was about survival

@MissyB1 But my question is how? Mine won't sleep at the best of times. If I scheduled sleep times, how would I get her to sleep during those times?

I would let her nap in the sling as and when she pleases due to her reflux.

[quote Scottishnewmum]@MissyB1 But my question is how? Mine won't sleep at the best of times. If I scheduled sleep times, how would I get her to sleep during those times?[/quote]
It doesn’t happen immediately, establishing any routine for babies or ourselves takes time and practice. Achieving one part of the routine is the key to achieving the next part. Feeds tend to lead to sleep, so I used to start that way. Also a set bedtime routine, and a set time to get up and start our day seemed to help. Sometimes that was bloody exhausting though!! What happens eventually is that baby naturally falls into the routine because that’s what their body / mind comes to expect.
It’s not for everyone though as it can be hard work to establish.

I know alot of people have discussed routines but you mention baby has reflux.
Maybe this could be a reason for not settling?
My DD has silent reflux and the first 2 months were awful. She wouldnt sleep unless being held upright. Cried in the sling. Cried in the pram.
I couldnt leave the house because of it.
We were referred to a paediatrician who disgnosed silent reflux and prescribed Omeprazole and Gaviscon and she is like a different baby.
She will sleep soundly in her crib at night and if she wakes will self settle back to sleep. We keep her upright for 30mins after feeds because of the reflux worries but otherwise she is so much better.
If she is uncomfortable it could be a reason for not settling.

I wouldn’t bother trying to force a routine at the moment. I do really recommend the app Huckleberry. You can track her feeds and sleep and look for natural patterns, and it will give you advice on when to next put her down for a nap based on how long she’s been awake.

If you want to pay for premium when she’s a couple of months older, it can give you more advice on how to encourage better sleep, but there’s no point at this age.

I did this with both of mine and it helps you feel more ‘in control’ and like you know what to anticipate, even when they’re constantly changing things up on you. Over time you’ll probably develop more of a predictable routine.

(I have ADHD so I’m not naturally organised either, I really did find the tracking crucial to feel like I wasn’t just in utter chaos)

People who tell you that you can get your baby in a routine did not have a baby with reflux.... its hell and you do whatever you can to survive. Forget the house. This too shall pass.

Ps to the other posters who are trying to help, you can't just put a reflux baby "down for a nap". OP. My reflux baby pretty much needed to be held for the first 6 months of his life..hes now 3 and I've never forced a routine or sleep trained and he sleeps 8 until 7, it happened naturally...you won't miss the boat if you don't implement a routine now dont worry.