How on earth to do a routine?!

[Scottishnewmum]

This is particularly aimed at those of you who are more disorganised than most. I'm a ftm with an 8 week old and I am struggling to get out of the house each day let alone start and stick to a routine. I've had a bit of sleep regression this week and now she cries and fights every nap and will only sleep in my arms at night (she also has reflux). It's currently 11 am and I've let her sleep until now because I am so tired and she needs sleep, having missed out on it yesterday by screaming through what should have been nap time while we were out in the pram. I have no idea how to establish a routine. Even if I coule do it (and frankly, I am exhausted, so if she wants to stay in bed I feel like letting her), she just won't sleep now during the day or night without a fight so how on earth can I schedule it? I can get nothing done either because of this. The house is a mess. Leaving the house is a massive task and now awful because she screams in the pram (but I need to get food!). If I don't feed her when she is hungry, she bawls the place down, so how can I make a schedule out of that? I'm so tired and I live abroad so well awax from family and friends. Help!

She was such a ln easy baby until about 6 weeks and now everything is hard. She seems to hate everything!

She'll come out the other side of this. Loads of them go mad for a bit at 6 weeks. Your happy baby will come back. Just hang in there, you're doing fine.

@Rockandgrohl

Ps to the other posters who are trying to help, you can't just put a reflux baby "down for a nap". OP. My reflux baby pretty much needed to be held for the first 6 months of his life..hes now 3 and I've never forced a routine or sleep trained and he sleeps 8 until 7, it happened naturally...you won't miss the boat if you don't implement a routine now dont worry.

Sorry, what I meant was when they’re ready to nap. My current one is easier but my first only napped in a sling even when she got so heavy it killed my shoulders.

Mine didn’t have routine as such.
The only thing I would do though from yours is to wake by 9am. Otherwise it’s just an ongoing thing of trying to vaguely get into a day/ night routine.

So mine would usually wake 5-7am ( after waking every hour all night), but if he was unsettled at night more and slept in, I just gently woke around 9am so I could aim to get stuff done daytime and take him up to bed with me around 9pm.

I love routine and my refluxy/CMPA baby had one too.

It takes time to establish and at 8 weeks it's still very early to get anything regular going.

It might be easier for now to think of rhythm rather than routine.

Start by getting her up and dressed and having her first feed at the same time each day say 7am.

Then try to get out straight away, a walk around mid morning.

Try to have your lunch at the same time each day and then have some snuggle time together on the sofa let her sleep on you or on the play mat next to you, have a nap if you can together.

As the days go on you might find she starts getting a routine to her feed times and that will lead onto sleep times. Then you can start to have a routine with naps and bedtime.

As for house etc, that's what partners / friends / family support people are for.

Are you me OP?

FTM to 6 week old, pretty organised in professional life, not so much personally (love reading organise your life stuff, but it never sticks!)

Really struggling to find any time during the day to do anything useful or pleasurable amongst the monotony of the sleep, change, feed cycle. My baby is also going through a phase of not wanting to be put down.

I feel like I’m swimming against a tide of things that need doing with no time to do them, and it would also be lovely to nap or read a book at some point! Getting out of the house takes ages and seems totally reliant on being at just the right time (just fed and changed, ready to nap in pram or sling). It’s relentless.

I feel totally reliant on my partner, he does 80% of housework and cooking and his fair share of parenting.

Honestly don't worry about a routine until your baby is older. I think I only started to get into a routine when DD was on 3 naps a day so maybe around 4 months? Until then do what you need to survive. Reflux babies are very difficult to get to sleep and she's probably very upset when she's hungry because the milk settles the reflux but then as soon as they finish feeding its uncomfortable. I found once my LO went onto solids her reflux cleared up and she was a much happier baby. We bought a wedge pillow to put under her mattress and used it in the pram too. It's not miracle worker but it helps a little. Hold your baby up for 20 mins after they feed (definitely get your OH to help during the night), look up safe sleeping a baby on their side too.

My main advice is do what you can to survive the first few months. If you need to sit on the sofa all day do it. Don't stop making the effort to go outside because you're scared of the baby crying. It's important you look after yourself and still see people and get out and about. If the baby cries in the pram try them upright I a sling. It's so hard OP and I really feel for you but it will pass you are doing such a good job!

I love routines and before DC came along I had already read up on what I had to do to get them into a routine. Once arrived, it was impossible. I had a high needs baby and it was impossible to get them off to sleep at the scheduled times. Even waking up at the same time each day didn’t work for us. I was baffled as to why I couldn’t manage it whereas all these mums did manage to do it. I just accepted that my baby was high needs and it wasn’t going to be possible. Honestly OP I tried everything. I do think some babies just can’t comply with routines stated in books if they are high needs. Don’t worry about it and just go with the flow. I promise, it ends and in the long run you will be fine

I also have an 8 week old (and two others under 5) and we don’t have a nap schedule at all. I have a vague feeding routine as I know she likes to feed around every 3ish hours. Sometimes she falls asleep after a feed and sometimes she’s awake for a while and I put her in the sling when she looks tired. (She has nearly all her day sleeps in her sling). I’ve recently introduced a dummy which I’m using to try and get her to nap in her Moses basket, and it worked today for the first time! So that could be worth a try?
In short though I’d say just go with the flow at this point! From my experience I found any routine gets messed up anyway when they hit the 4months regression. So I prefer not to stress about it too much at this point!

I think we are all different. For me, having no routine is stressful. I like to go out at the same time roughly and have a similar structure to me days.

At 8 weeks I usually left at 9.30am, had a walk with pram and went to a baby class or the cinema, various activities. Then home by about 11.30am - at that point I would rest with baby lying on me and we had more chilled afternoons.

I found it far less stressful this way and my baby liked it but you shouldn't feel pressure. If you want to be at home that's fine! It's your way not anyone else's

If you want to try a routine, get this book.
Barbara Want
Baby Secrets: How to Know Your Baby's Secrets

I found it a life saver when I didn't know what to do with my newborn. Simple easy to follow routine that you can flex.

You don't need to read all of it just the timings on the routines, but I've given it to several other people who have really rated it as well.