DS is such hard, HARD work. Help!

[Lambsandchicks]

DS (15 months) is lovely, developing normally as far as I can tell, lively, sweet and has even started to sleep well (sometimes.)

He walks brilliantly but he never goes in the direction he’s supposed to go in, and will find water, a grumpy dog, a car park … then have a tantrum when steered away. I’ve tried reins but they are no good as when you steer him away from whatever he wants to explore he flings himself on the ground and cries.

But he’s also decided he hates his pushchair and as a result I’m finding myself a bit stumped to know what to do with him. I’ve always enjoyed going for long pram walks with him but now not sure how!

Yep, standard. This too shall pass!

This is what they do.

Sounds pretty normal.

DD was like this too, I used to love going out with her in the pram or her push along trike, was horrified when she started refusing them. I sort of stopped going out as much then found it got loads better when she would hold my hand, and I'd do lots of encouragement like 'come on! We're going this way! What's that up ahead?' kind of thing. She still flings herself on the floor if she wants to go a different way sometimes but on the whole she'll potter along next to us now. Shes 19 months. It will get better!

He sounds like a normal toddler. You will need eyes in the back of your head for a while, but they do move on. I remember the jubilance I felt once mine reached the stage of me not needing to hold onto them as we approached the road. They do grow out of it!

Thanks - he is lovely and it’s reassuring it’s normal. Does anyone have any good ideas of things we can do? It would be nice to enjoy the good weather, he does enjoy soft play but it’s so nice outside. We tried a lovely walk yesterday but he just kept wanting to walk in the river and having tantrums where steered away!

It's helpful to have something to steer their attention at this age- roll a ball the way you want him to go, point to a duck/flag/interesting blade of grass you just have to investigate etc.

Get used to using bits of street furniture as markers 'race you to the lampost' 'meet you at the bollard' 'wait at the corner' 'let's touch the tree trunk' etc. It's really useful when they are older and you can let them go a little bit- mine was trained to never pass a lampost or a corner til I caught up!

We used to have a toy with a long handle and a duck on the end, that flapped as it walked. You could push the duck, so that set the direction that the child then followed.

Basically you have to be more aware mentally than he is- spot the hazards and plot the route to avoid them via fascinating trees, flowers, lampost etc ideally your tot doesn't notice the river until you tell him about it! Remember you have height on your side and can see things much earlier than he can!

And plan walks in lovely open areas that don't have rivers/canals! There's a reason we have parks- the boring swathes of grass suddenly become attractive when you are toddler wrangling!

He might not grow out of it and you might not be able to enjoy long walks with him henceforward (says the voice of bitter experience). Just let him explore the things he likes and then book separate time - if available - to go for a walk without him. Or take him during nap time if he can sleep in the pushchair. I have also found walking with a playmate helps somewhat. At least the adults can chat while the DC investigate their puddle or pile of sticks or whatever together.

I find letting my DD (22 months) hold a toy like a small ball, a doll etc keeps her attention where she’s meant to be going.

At that age we once went to a local forest for a 'walk'. We got out the car, looked at every stick/ditch/feather/wheel/breath of wind etc etc all the way to the gate at the top of the car park (like 100 yards) which took well over an hour. So then we turned round and walked back to the car. I despaired. Toddlers were happy.

At age 5,6,7 - when they can properly go for a walk - they still prefer just hanging about messing in the ditch/stream without actually going anywhere.

Mine are now teens. Once you can force them out they will do a couple of munro on a packet of biscuits and definitely out-walk me.

Good things take time :-)

A friend with older children once told me 'all they want is some woods and a stream'. That really holds true. And you can reduce it to 'sticks and some water'. Can you arrange outings so there is time for some very slow-paced hanging out, followed by a brisk section in the buggy (bribe DC that they can bring their stick/stone/toy to hold in the buggy)?

Also you could have a look at backpack carriers. We used those for countryside expeditions - again, allowing for some in & out.

I would say embrace it as much as possible. Find a stream or puddles, jump in the water, make a mud slide, look for worms, through twigs in the water etc. Get down to his level and see what’s so fascinating through his eyes.

Can you rethink these walks? Do a walk with DS allowing him to do what he wants, allow him to poke sticks down holes, play in puddles, watch ants etc. You won't get far, so if you want exercise from the walk, you'll need to do another walk without him. He's learning about the world and having fun and you could reframe this, slow down and do these things with him. Sometimes it'll be a bit dull but other times you can just lap it up. And he'll be happy. Philippa Perry's book "the book you wish your parents had read....." is very good on this.

Toddlers of that age don’t really mix with going for a walk. It’s not a fun activity for them (as you’ve found).

Best to do other things eg parks, feed ducks, scooter, beach, outdoor play dates, picnics.

Whoops, see my post crossed with lots saying similar. I did RTFT honestly! Just slow typing.

That’s the problem - he’s stopped napping in the pushchair (FOMO?)

He just hasn’t a clue bless him … if you say race you to the lamppost or whatever. He’d just keep trying to walk in the road!

Agreed that getting adult exercise with this age group is pretty much impossible. Take them to a body of water or a fallen tree, dress appropriately and expect to spend the entire time standing there plus occasionally diving over to stop them doing something hideously dangerous.

On the plus side, the danger of eating sand must have passed - can you get them to a beach? Rock shoes a must but can be genuinely fun at this age.

Toddler bike with handle?

Backpack reigns mine were sturdy and I could lift by the handle on the back

Either the hand strap things and hold hands then if he slips away you have him, or sturdier reins you can lift him with.

But also accept sometimes YOU'RE going the wrong way. If you have chores, yes, you have to go to the post office for example. But if you're just walking, esp at the park etc, let him lead. Not into the river or the mouth of a hungry wolf but let him lead you to the big tree or follow the pigeons round in circles. Ask him which way and get him to point then so basic directions - left, right, forward, back, round again etc.

Beware though, my two year olds can navigate to two cafes

That’s the thing @SleepingStandingUp, I wouldn’t mind that at all, but he only ever seem to find something he really can’t do because it’s dangerous. Even if you are somewhere where you think there’s nothing dangerous, he finds something. It’s quite some skill.

I found a hip seat really useful at this age. You can carry them for a bit, let them walk for a bit. Perhaps try to take him to places where he can explore freely (not always possible I know).

I found keeping focused on the next thing along the route you want to take useful, or who can get to that tree first kind of thing.

Oh my this could be my DS. Afraid we still aren’t much better at 22 months 😬 although the good news is he became far more accepting of the buggy again when the novelty of walking wore off. 15 months was the height of buggy resistance for us. Reins have never worked for us either. There needs to be a fundamental understanding of the importance of direction before they are useful!

Primarily agree with others. Ditch the idea of ‘going for a walk’ for the time being. If you have a toddler who will nap in the buggy, great. Mine is like yours and never has.

When we were still knee deep in buggy resistance, I used to bribe him into it with a snack - box of raisins or a rice cake and his favourite toy to hold and we’d set off. Most of the time this would placate him, but on the few occasions it wouldn’t, he’d stop shouting as soon as we got the the road and there were interesting things to look at.

If we have all the time in the world I literally just let him be and follow his lead. I’ll take him to the city park just behind our house in the buggy then let him lose. Some days we make it very far in. Some days we barely get beyond the entrance. I just try and remind myself that they are only going to be this fascinated in everything around them for a short period. Unless what he is doing is danger to himself or annoying to others, I let him crack on, with my supervision.

Thanks, will have a look

I remember that so well with all of mine, pre 15 months I loved the brisk buggy walks and we ( especially with our first DC,) would have coffee and lunches out. Once on the move that was it. Just lots of stopping and hanging around or making sure they don't kill themselves every 5 seconds , lasted at least 3 years with each child and tbh they still prefer throwing stones into the Rivers over long walks. The beach was my haven