To regret having a child

[Greenandyellow1]

I have a 7 month old. Easy pregnancy, positive labour, healthy baby.
Every day I wake up and instead of being grateful that I have a perfect healthy baby, I feel already fed up with the day that hasn't even started. I feel emotionally checked out. I feel like it's the biggest mistake of my life. I miss my old life, having my personal space, my lifestyle. People keep saying it gets easier, but it's getting worse. He's now getting mobile and I can't leave him for 2 min. Plus he's constant grumpy anyway so I have to keep entertaining him not to hear whining that is driving me insane.
I resent all things baby related, baby groups etc are out of question as I don't think I fit in there.
I'd like to leave the house and never come back.
I feel so guilty that I brought a new innocent human being into this world and I can't even provide a parental love to him. He doesn't deserve such a mother who resents her own child. I'm not only making my life miserable, but his as well.
I really don't know how to get out of this rut.

Sorry to hear things feel so bleak. I found this stage a bit rough with my first two too, hence this time round I'm returning to work when baby is 6months to give me the space and identity I need.. is that a possibility for you? Xx

Is it an option to put him in Nursery and go back to work OP? You might find that some time in adult company and some time with your baby is a better balance for you.
They change and grow and you might find you love the more interactive toddler and young child stages.

I'm returning to work in a few weeks time and looking forward to it. But I don't know how I'll cope in high pressure job with no sleep as baby wakes up and breastfeeds every hour.

I found this age hard too. I think going back to work is a good option. I classed work as my break.
What's your typical day? Do you go out for a walk etc?

Definitely go back to work.
I felt sooooo bored just before I went back this week.

It was like my life was a never ending cycle of nappies, helping them do basic stuff like sitting up and who needs feeding - boring A F.

Already this week I have more energy with them, I have them 3 days a week and work 4. Yeah I need a double espresso in the morning but tbh the intellectual challenge is giving me more energy than I ever thought.

Just go back, not everyone is cut out for humdrum same shut everyday with no autonomy over your body or plans for the day.

Having a baby and being the carer is hard work. Am sure pre baby, there were times you felt fed up too. But since becoming pregnant, it's been about them....

You are high in demand as you are mum. You are their world! This can be overwhelming!! Have you spoken with health visitor or GP? You may be suffering with PND. Get a good support network around you With better weather, try getting out and plan some activities... mixing your day up might be good.

Hope you find joys in your day!!

I won't lie and say you won't always feel like this, in reality you may always miss your old life, my dd is 5 and I do still miss my old life although it has got considerably easier since the very early years. It's just the relentlessness of being a parent that I struggle with, even when I'm at work or out somewhere for an adult function I'm still worrying about my dd. I'm sure it will always be that way!

What I will say is you won't always be as physically tired as this, you're waking up every hour of course you're shattered and probably depressed. My dd sleeps through the night 7-6, cuddles me, brings me joy, and obviously goes to school 5 days a week 🤣 it does get easier but yes I do still miss my lie ins and freedom quite often.

Do you think there's any chance that you may be struggling with PND OP?
What kind of support do you get with your DS? Do you have a partner or parents that help with him?

Do you want to start mix feeding OP and then split the work of the nightfeeds with your partner?

I went back to work at 6 weeks, I couldn't stand the baby stage.
Anything after 5 is not too bad.

I stopped bf at three months and went back to work at four months each time. Felt 100% better.
They're 19 and 17 now and the guilt has long gone.

Thank you all for your kind words and for not judging. It made me feel better. It's nice to read your positive stories of getting back to work. I'm hoping it will be good for me too.
I'm not ready to stop breastfeeding, it's a big one for me as I feel like it's a one good thing I'm able to give to him.
I don't think I have pnd, I have willingness to do things and I have goals and plans. But none of them are baby related. Very selfish of me but I keep being frustrated that the baby is constantly an obstacle, my own mistake that I created.
At present the days seem so wasted, they pass really quickly and I'm not able to do much. Sometimes I plan to get out for a walk or to a cafe and by the time I get myself and baby ready, do some weaning etc it's already 4 pm. Also he only naps for 30 min and is hard work to get him fall asleep.
I used to just get on with things and put him in the bouncer to watch me but he's not having it any more and just whines. Sling is ok but he's to heavy to be carried there for long.
I don't have any family nearby but have DH who takes him after 6 pm when he's back from work, and also sometimes before work, he also now does bedtime. I do nights as I cosleep + bf and I don't think the baby's ready to be night weaned just yet.
Any advice to make the days more enjoyable will be appreciated.

Is there something you can create in tiny bursts? A creative project where you can have it accessible/visible all the time and dedicate 10 minutes a day to it? It will grow over time, you will have a visible reminder that you are doing something other than parenting, and in a few weeks you will have something to be proud of that is yours, nothing to do with the baby.

I dunno, just an idea.

I found 7 months to be tricky, we were in lockdown and I didn't know how to entertain her within my four walls. We went for a lot of walks and watched Tv too. I would suggest going to an activity, gives you some structure. I know you said you didn't fit in, but there will be one you both enjoy.

I would also give up the breastfeeding. I know you said you weren't ready but I think your whole mindset changes when you aren't being constantly used as a feeding machine and someone else can do the feeding. I have a new baby and trying to go as long as possible but reckon I'll give up much sooner this time because it's exhausting, mentally and physically.

Hi there OP. I think so many mums could empathise with you - we have virtually all been there with the non-sleeping baby and days of misery. Don’t underestimate the impact of sleep deprivation: I found it really, really destroyed me. I truly felt like I was dying, and that death would have been a relief. So I sleep trained. In a way which I felt was gentle and compassionate. Baby still woke for night feeds until 9 months when he night weaned himself. He is still bf to this day at 21 months.

Once the baby slept, and I slept, I could handle anything 😄 Happy to go into more detail - but in a nutshell I would say consider sleep training or at least sleep hygiene. It doesn’t have to be about leaving your baby to scream. You can meet their needs, maintain attachment and breastfeeding AND help them to sleep independently. They’re not as mutually exclusive as most mums (at least in my area - you’re made to feel cruel for wanting your baby and yourself to benefit from quality sleep!) might have you think.
Hope you get some relief soon!

I know you’ve ruled out baby groups but honestly finding mums you do have stuff in common with is such a lifesaver.
I would rather have died than do a singing group but I met great friends at buggy Bootcamp and swimming.

I know many people are very scathing about “mum friends” but pretty much every part of childcare for me was more fun when shared with other mums and friends.

Could you buy a baby carrier for the back? We bought a little life structured carrier from eBay for 1/4 of the price of a new one and it’s been a god send. He loves it, up high and bobbing around. They need a hat obviously but it’s a new thing that keeps them and you occupied

Hi Op
I totally understand - you are not alone! Have you tried baby sleeping in a different space yet? We co-slept too (still do sometimes) and my baby fed allllll night. I was going back to work full time at 8 months and wondering how I would cope. So we tried her in her own room and she now sleeps 7 - 5 with no feeds. I couldn't believe it! Comes in a 5 with me for a feed and cuddles before we get up. It helped so much - it just gave me the space I hadn't even realised I needed so I felt like I hadn't been with her 24hrs a day and obviously made working so much easier.
Returning to work also helped so much. I absolutely love our evenings and weekends now whereas before it just felt like a never ending stretch until bedtime!

I would get out the house more, lots of other goofs advice here I’m sure, but as a mum of a three year old and an 8 month old (Also breastfeeds every hour overnight!) just get up and get out!

Is there a forest school type thing you could take him to so you’re out in the fresh air?

There is no such thing as fitting in at baby groups. Just go to a couple and try them out - you don’t have to make friends but it gets you out the house.

If you don’t feel able to get out with baby I think you need to speak to your gp.

Be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job, it is hard but it also does get easier.

@LabradorFiasco

Hi there OP. I think so many mums could empathise with you - we have virtually all been there with the non-sleeping baby and days of misery. Don’t underestimate the impact of sleep deprivation: I found it really, really destroyed me. I truly felt like I was dying, and that death would have been a relief. So I sleep trained. In a way which I felt was gentle and compassionate. Baby still woke for night feeds until 9 months when he night weaned himself. He is still bf to this day at 21 months.

Once the baby slept, and I slept, I could handle anything 😄 Happy to go into more detail - but in a nutshell I would say consider sleep training or at least sleep hygiene. It doesn’t have to be about leaving your baby to scream. You can meet their needs, maintain attachment and breastfeeding AND help them to sleep independently. They’re not as mutually exclusive as most mums (at least in my area - you’re made to feel cruel for wanting your baby and yourself to benefit from quality sleep!) might have you think.
Hope you get some relief soon!

Sorry to hijack the thread but more details please!!

OP I know you say you don't like baby groups. I said the same. But they've really provided structure to my day. My son loves them. A baby group and one nap in the pram on a long walk really break the day. I've also made a couple of friends.

I note you are talking about what you think is best for the baby with the feeding and sleeping. But what about you? Your needs are as great. If you are enjoying BF and co sleeping great. Otherwise stop. He needs a happy mum more than he needs to be BF imo .

Hi OP - so sorry you're in this situation. I had severe sleep deprivation with my second, she barely slept. In hindsight I think this was PND. Don't rule it out. The problem with sleep deprivation as others have said it affects your whole mindset and becomes a vicious circle.
You're sleep deprived
You can barely function
Your baby senses this and demands more attention
So the BF in the night is soothing for him as it's time with you but it then feeds the whole circle again
Definitely try to go out loads, walk, get a coffee with friends and as the weather is getting a bit warmer, just sit in a park and let baby crawl around, socialise with others, make a picnic lunch.
And try to find a mum/baby class that works for you. There are ones that are geared more towards you than the baby: boot camp exercise class, yoga.
I promise it gets better. Hang in there and talk to friends to get support 🌻

My dd had a phase of constantly making that whining noise and it does drive you bonkers. It stopped after a couple of weeks so hopefully soon you won't have that adding to things

Oh babies are really hard and dull. I used to watch tv and play with mine at the same time when I felt I was going crazy, and I’d make sure I did something outside every day.

I second PP, you need mum friends. It really helps to get your babies together and have a tea with another human. I moved with my baby so I used “Mush” which is like a dating app but for mums. I met some lovely mums and am still friends with them six years later!!

I gave up the complicated weaning and gave a bit of whatever I was eating plus a pouch or jar. I stuck with bf as it means you always have something for 5hem to eat and drink.
I packed the changing bag and snack bag the night before and very much embraced the if we have a clothing disaster I’ll just pop in the nearest supermarket attitude
I didn’t go to any baby classes or groups. Go to groups where there are no other babies and everyone will think yours is wonderful and help entertain them!