Need Reassurance and Advise - Autism Worry

[worriedmum616]

Hi - new here
I am looking for reassurance that everything is developmentally okay with my 13.75-month-old son. I was not even worried until a few weeks ago when I noticed that he missed a few 12-month milestones. I then went down a rabbit hole and found research called a first-world project that does free reviews for children with Autism. I know I should not have done this; something about the whole process seemed off (they were way too accommodating and eager to have this video footage). In the response call, the project's associate director told me she saw developmental delays in the way my son was communicating and clear red flags for autism. I was floored and still am. She advised us to keep a lookout and research more. Now someone as anxious as me, this was horrible advice. She urged us to reconnect in 3 months for another review. I am not planning on doing this instead of handling things locally IF need be.

My son does have some delays, but I am not sure if these are autistic red flags, and I wanted to ask for people's feedback. Here are the things he's not yet able to do:
He does not walk yet; he's been at the tail end of meeting his gross motor milestones.

• he has no word association yet
• he does not point yet
• does not wave bye or hi, does not do high five
• he does not bring us toys

Here are the things he is doing well

• He loves to be around us, laughs and smiles when we come around after a long time.
• Enjoys interactive nursery rhymes
• claps on command
• knows words (like our dog's name, his toys name, daddy and mommy and his nanny)
• cruises like a pro holding onto furniture
• has emotional responses to things, angry sad happy
• eats and sleeps (for the most part) well

I know that he is very young to be diagnosed, but as I said, I am in that rabbit hole. I feel very anxious and overwhelmed. And this research review has made me go into a spiral.
I will mention that his doctor says he has time and that he's too young for ASD dx. she did not seem too worried.

Can someone please give me their experience, if they had a similar anxious moment with their toddler and what happened? To be honest, I am looking for reassurance and advice on being okay.

Are you in the UK? Who is this doctor you have spoken to are to? Are they a paediatrician?

Issue by issue
-He does not walk yet - this isn’t a concern until he is 18 months. There is a long way to go.

• he has no word association yet - but you say he recognises certain words. I’m a bit confused by what he means.
• he does not point yet. This is very common.
• does not wave bye or hi, does not do high five. Has he had much exposure to these? My 2.5 yrs old didn’t do these due to lockdowns.
• he does not bring us toys. This seems to be one of two concerns you have so this won’t worry me.

If you are worried speak to your HV.

I don’t really understand what people/organisation you have spoken to but it sounds sketchy as fuck. Talk to your health visitor if you are concerned but really it’s too early to tell.

My DD matched this description until she was about 15 months old. She wasn't even responding to her name and I was worried about her poor eye contact too. All of a sudden it was like she noticed our existence, and she's been totally different ever since! It coincided with her learning to walk, so I think she was so preoccupied with getting on the move that she wasn't interested in much else. She's just turned 2 and seems to understand everything we say now. She's always wanting to play/interact with us and is very imaginative. I wish I hadn't spent so long worrying, though that's easy to say in hindsight. Your little boy is still so young, try to just give him time

No I’m in Canada. And that research associate director was not an MD his paediatrician said that it’s too early and he has time to pick up the skills i mentioned.
Thank you for your feedback. To follow up

• when I said word association I mean verbal. He knows words like where’s daddy mama doggy.
• so the toys bringing is something he does not do but he does share interest like if he’s enjoying something he’ll look at us and smile. I’m not sure if those two are distinct or can be combined.

Omg that’s amazing news. I’m hoping I have similar situation with my son.

He sounds well with in the norms. Do you see many young toddlers the same age? Half of them don't know what is going on and the other half are trying to chew everything. They develop so much between 1-2, I wouldn't worry at all at such an early stage.

Honestly your son sounds perfectly normal.

This baby navigator research group in Florida. I agree. They instilled fear and made me so much more anxious. I also feel guilty putting my son through this he’s not a subject! But here in Canada it takes time to get referral. We have free services it just has a huge wait list so I thought this might be good reassurance. And he behaved so well followed direction smiled and made eye contact but there review was full of fear mongering. Total regret. I’m not going through this again even if there is something wrong going through the proper channel.

So he's cruising furniture but not bringing back toys to you? I think its pretty obvious he can't manage the two skills together. Sharing enjoyment of toys is far more important at this age. Honestly he sounds fine, and the people doing the 'assessment' don't!

Thank you so much. I appreciate this more than words can describe. No I’m not around many toddlers or infants. I use to live with my brother who had three kids but I was so young to remember what’s normal and not. Also Covid ruined that for me but finally with things slowly opening up here I’m planning on enrolling him a library group and swim classes! Very excited for that social interaction that’s been missing.
i think being an anxious person and dealing with a life has been hard for me. But this rabbit hole has been consuming me. like every mom I just want my baby healthy social and happy. My husband and I have been very focused on communication and interactive play. So we see some results but this research person threw me in a damn loop.

Yes furniture cruising very regularly. Even wall crushing now. But not giving me toys of interest or pointing as of yet.

Fwiw we have a four year old currently waiting to be assessed for autism, lots of red flags, very different to his peers etc. Still even now all the professionals keep telling us it's still too early to tell, he might still grow out of what now seem to be autism symptoms etc. So I really don't think anyone could reliably predict autism at as young an age as your son! If that's what this assessment service claimed to do, it strikes me as potentially rather unprofessional.

@worriedmum616

This baby navigator research group in Florida. I agree. They instilled fear and made me so much more anxious. I also feel guilty putting my son through this he’s not a subject! But here in Canada it takes time to get referral. We have free services it just has a huge wait list so I thought this might be good reassurance. And he behaved so well followed direction smiled and made eye contact but there review was full of fear mongering. Total regret. I’m not going through this again even if there is something wrong going through the proper channel.

Somewhere along the line, this group wants your money (if they haven't had it already). That's why they put the fear of god into you because you're vulnerable and that makes you more vulnerable.

For what it's worth, my 2.5 year old was very similar at 14 months. Nobody has ever suggested that any of those things were flags for autism. Actually, I have a niece who who's just over a year and who is very advanced apparently 🙄 who doesn't do half of those things.

My son was similar to yours at the same age. He was walking at 13 months though. He is autistic. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's very disheartening when people want reassurance that their child is 'normal' or 'okay', implying that children with autism are not.
Those people sound very dodgy and the only person I would voice my concerns to in the future is your doctor.
There is a high chance he isn't autistic, but there's a small chance he could be, but children are all so different at that age.

@Heartofglass12345 thank you I was coming on to say how hurtful the comments are regarding autism.

@worriedmum616

This baby navigator research group in Florida. I agree. They instilled fear and made me so much more anxious. I also feel guilty putting my son through this he’s not a subject! But here in Canada it takes time to get referral. We have free services it just has a huge wait list so I thought this might be good reassurance. And he behaved so well followed direction smiled and made eye contact but there review was full of fear mongering. Total regret. I’m not going through this again even if there is something wrong going through the proper channel.

Dr in child psychology here

This organisation sounds awful!!

Please disengage

I am so sorry and I apologize for the way I came across. I’m coming from a very anxious place of uncertainty so please excuse me. Of course there is nothing wrong with ASD. I just wanted to get advice from this forum because I don’t have a support system of my own to discuss these things with. And if he is on the spectrum my love for him will never change but of course I’d hope for him to develop these social skills. Even if that means it’s his own time and pace.
My motive was not to hurt anyone but I am looking for reassurance in the hopes to get me out this rut. My anxiety is eased with reassurance and my hope and wish is for my child develops these milestones.

Thank you. I have asked to be taken out of their research. I think there motive was to prey on nervous parents make them fearful so they keep adding to their research.

I will be running everything by my paediatrician regardless. I just feel like telling parents there odd behaviours at 13.5 months is so stressful and unethical. There was no mention of range no mention of things he is doing well ( she mentioned two things his smile and engagement with us) and there was no mention of “kids catch up” it was all child delays red flags can turn into autism.

If this post does anything I hope it brings to light this organization at Florida State University and worried parents are more mindful

I "knew" my lo was on the ASD spectrum from very young.

He did not walk until 13.5 14 months. Yet climbed everything.

• he had no word association - did not speak in sentences until 4,but also had a hearing issues, so please check his ears with an audiologist now.
• he did not point and still doesn't at 7.
• does not wave bye or hi, does not do high five. Still doesn't.
• he does not bring us toys. Not this either.

Never laughed or smiled until 2. Now does but usually in his own world not with others.

• wasn't bothered with interactive nursery rhymes
• never clapped
• knew words as in if I was talking about xyz, no verbak language at your child's age.

Very poor eater and sleeper

What I'm trying to show is that there are similarities, yet many distinct differences.
Your child maybe on the ASD spectrum and may not. Every child is different regardless of the spectrum. If you look for traits and signs you'll find them. And whether or not they're on the spectrum, they're still your gorgeous lo.

@Heartofglass12345

My son was similar to yours at the same age. He was walking at 13 months though. He is autistic. I know that's not what you want to hear but it's very disheartening when people want reassurance that their child is 'normal' or 'okay', implying that children with autism are not. Those people sound very dodgy and the only person I would voice my concerns to in the future is your doctor. There is a high chance he isn't autistic, but there's a small chance he could be, but children are all so different at that age.

I agree. Some parents could do with rethinking the language they use, mainly so children don't hear people talking about them in this way.

My son is autistic and he is perfectly normal and okay, he just processes things a little differently and needs some support.

@lemonnandliime Please read my response

The organisation you spoke to sounds dodgy.

Also, autism isn't a death sentence.

While I do have an issue with the use of the word 'normal', I think it's perfectly reasonable to feel anxiety around the fact that your child might have autism. Of course it's not a death sentence (bit dramatic), but it will definitely make a difference to the lives of both the child and the parents, to a greater or lesser extent. Maybe, if it's just part and parcel of life, we should stop having it diagnosed and just pretend everything is ok.

My 11yo has autism. I really wouldn't worry about anything you have posted.

Your child is incredibly young for autism diagnosis - so much of it isn't obvious until they're older because it's developmental so they need time to develop or not.

FWIW, DS was running before his first birthday, crawling up and down stairs unaided by 8 months (I spent a lot of time teaching him this because I was pregnant with DS2), and all round active. So your gross motor skills concern is just concern and perfectly normal and not at all an indication of autism.

Please don't worry. And stay away from Google and anyone who has a financial interest in a child's early diagnosis.

Thank you! I’m still having anxiety around this but I’m hopeful based on the responses I received!
And i also think I find my own therapist to address this. The anxiety has been paralyzing me from living life and it’s not just about this I think it’s a long term issue for me.