Need Reassurance and Advise - Autism Worry

[worriedmum616]

Hi - new here
I am looking for reassurance that everything is developmentally okay with my 13.75-month-old son. I was not even worried until a few weeks ago when I noticed that he missed a few 12-month milestones. I then went down a rabbit hole and found research called a first-world project that does free reviews for children with Autism. I know I should not have done this; something about the whole process seemed off (they were way too accommodating and eager to have this video footage). In the response call, the project's associate director told me she saw developmental delays in the way my son was communicating and clear red flags for autism. I was floored and still am. She advised us to keep a lookout and research more. Now someone as anxious as me, this was horrible advice. She urged us to reconnect in 3 months for another review. I am not planning on doing this instead of handling things locally IF need be.

My son does have some delays, but I am not sure if these are autistic red flags, and I wanted to ask for people's feedback. Here are the things he's not yet able to do:
He does not walk yet; he's been at the tail end of meeting his gross motor milestones.

• he has no word association yet
• he does not point yet
• does not wave bye or hi, does not do high five
• he does not bring us toys

Here are the things he is doing well

• He loves to be around us, laughs and smiles when we come around after a long time.
• Enjoys interactive nursery rhymes
• claps on command
• knows words (like our dog's name, his toys name, daddy and mommy and his nanny)
• cruises like a pro holding onto furniture
• has emotional responses to things, angry sad happy
• eats and sleeps (for the most part) well

I know that he is very young to be diagnosed, but as I said, I am in that rabbit hole. I feel very anxious and overwhelmed. And this research review has made me go into a spiral.
I will mention that his doctor says he has time and that he's too young for ASD dx. she did not seem too worried.

Can someone please give me their experience, if they had a similar anxious moment with their toddler and what happened? To be honest, I am looking for reassurance and advice on being okay.

It's not a death sentence. If you are so anxious you could well have some neurodivergence your self. I think you need to educate yourself properly because your view of autism is ableist and hurtful.

Honestly - you need to disengage from that organisation !
FWIW my 11 year old has just been diagnosed with ASD and had not a single obvious sign at that age, exceeding all milestones.
She's also funny, incredibly bright and has tonnes of friends.
She just needs a bit of extra support and care.

@raininghouse

It's not a death sentence. If you are so anxious you could well have some neurodivergence your self. I think you need to educate yourself properly because your view of autism is ableist and hurtful.

I think this is extremely rude and very insensitive. I understand autism is not a death sentence. But like someone else stated it is reasonable to be anxious. For you to judge me off of my anxious state says A LOT about you. And for your information I’m very well versed with autism. My mother is a special needs teacher. But regardless, I apologize if I hurt anyones feelings but having a child not meet milestone would create anxiety in any parent autism or not. You should also educate yourself on how to properly address someone who maybe going through something.

Thank you for your response and review I appreciate your perspective. I think everyone is taking my post the wrong way and maybe I made a mistake posting in this forum.

Can I ask why this is causing you so much anxiety? That might help you if you can address that. If your mum is a special needs teacher could you speak to her? Has she any concerns about your son? He sounds as though he is developing just fine from what you have said here.

I was walking at 9 months and met all my milestones. I have a good science degree, two post grad diplomas and a handful of other qualifications, been married, and divorced, have 3 children, I'm a single/loan parent (with no help at all) and am fully independent and always have been. I find your attitude offensive but I understand that anxiety is probably behind that. Fear of the unknown.

@AlternativelyWired can I ask why my attitude is coming off offensive? Not once did I attack ASD individuals or children. I just find him not meeting developmental milestones concerning. I also posted to seek advice from other individual that might have experienced something similar with their toddler and there feed back on how they handled their own situations. I do not see how my post was anything beyond those means. I also apologized to mums out there who were hurt by my words.

To answer your other question, I have anxiety stemmed from childhood trauma. At times it clouds my own judgement and I will seek ways to help myself. My mom works with ASD children all her life and no she sees no concerns with my son's development. But if you read my posts carefully I mentioned how I am in a rabbit hole due to an assessment I received by a sketchy program director. This propelled my anxiety and looking back was a mistake.

I thank all the mums who took the time to reassure me and provide different perspectives. Thank you for your kind words of reassurance.

@worriedmum616 whilst I understand where other posters have their issues with what you've said. I totally get where you're coming from.

It's not offensive to wish for them to be nuerotypical. And if your mum works with ASD children I imagine she has seen the full spectrum and it's the other end that you're really worried about. You have every right to post here with your worries without being made to feel you have committed a faux pas.

Try not to worry, deep breaths. Your baby sounds lovely.

Tbf I very much understand how possible concerns regarding autism cause anxiety. It's such a huge spectrum. When your child starts to show symptoms of autism, you have no idea how severe their challenges in life are going to be. What symptoms and behaviours they will just grow out of, and which they might also lose again. Whether they will be able to live independently or not. How is that not scary! They might be completely fine and social and happy and 'just need a little more support and care', OR they might never be able to talk or go to mainstream school or undertake their own personal care.
Feeling anxious about this doesn't mean the child isn't loved for exactly they are- just that such a large spectrum of unknown about their future is a bit scary.

*which already met milestones and skills they might lose again I meant!

My eldest is autistic, diagnosed at 2.5. Her sister followed the same developmental trajectory to the extent she was in early intervention at 16 months, she was very like your son, but by 2.5 it was obvious she was not autistic, she's about to graduate from a top university. My eldest is currently at university too, a bit later but she's coping well

We suspected my son was autistic from about 18m but we started the diagnosis process when he was 2.

He was a gentle, peaceful, placid baby. Very compliant. For us the main markers were :

No copying / mirroring of physical or verbal actions

Very specific ways of play, he likes to collect items or sensory play. Uninterested in most toys. Intense interests so he wants to watch the same TV, read same books over and over

He said mama and dada but these disappeared after one.

His eating got very specific

Liked routine and structure

Disliked new places and people

My son is super cuddly, he smiles and laughs all day. He is an absolute joy.

The assessment we did had a lot of questions across three areas

Communication and Play
Social interaction
Repetitive behaviours

I wouldn't feel comfortable speculating if your child could be autistic but it's really too early for anything official so just try to enjoy your baby x

It is very young to know about your child and I don't think internet speculation will help you either way, but First Words Project were the first people to offer me help when I suspected my son was autistic. They don't ask for money but they do offer early intervention support which we found incredibly helpful when our son was too young to access traditional services in the UK (and before he received his diagnosis).

I am sorry you are feeling so anxious about this but I don't think it is fair to say they are a dodgy organisation. Even if your child is neurotypical, the suggestions they offer for play techniques won't harm them.

PS - and everything is ok.

@doadeer is ur autistic son used to raise hand to be picked up in response of u when u give out him hand, or he ever u followed , or cry if he sees u leave him?

He has only started doing that very recently, he takes our hand to his room etc. But for a long time he wouldn't do this. He is very attached to us too

@doadeer i have worries for my 8 mo son, he is very quietly, rarely makes any sound , rarely babbling, rarely ahh ohh. he seems very sociable, wanted play with small children, lift up his hands to picked up, he starts to cry if i left him alone, if i asked him where is teddy , he search for taddy.
my only concern is he does not make many sounds , just play quietly . rately make any noise.

That's probably too soon to know. From my experience though, what you've described that wouldn't be enough markers to say it sounds like autism.