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Parenting

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Original poster

What do you do when you need a break? I feel so guilty

30 replies

Westmidsmum1 · 15/03/2022 15:51

So my son is almost 2 and i feel so guilty for even saying this but I just need a break. I'm on my own with him literally 24/7. I don't have any friends, I have severe anxiety and ptsd so going out and socialising is a big issue for me. I don't have any family either, my parents have both passed away. I only have my partner, he works all day then just wants to go to bed when he gets in, and spends the weekends with his friends/family or gaming. Is it terrible of me to just want a little break? I feel like it is. I just need some advice or ideas please as I'm starting to struggle mentally. Thank you x

OP posts:

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TinyTeacher · 15/03/2022 16:14

Wow, sounds really tough! If course you want a break, that's perfectly normal. I'd be going bonkers if i didn't get out to baby groups to get me out of the house, so it must be realm hard if you feel you can't do that.

Do you go see your partner's family with him? It seems really odd and unsupportive if he just leaves you to it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/03/2022 16:16

I only have my partner, he works all day then just wants to go to bed when he gets in, and spends the weekends with his friends/family or gaming

His behaviour is totally unacceptable. He made a baby. He needs to pull his fucking weight with that baby.

Have you discussed his lack of effort with him?

YvanEhtNiojYvanEhtNioj · 15/03/2022 16:23

Your partner is a selfish bastard. He needs to help you. Ask him why he doesn't want to do any parenting.

Can you afford to put DC into nursery/day care for one day a week? Don't feel guilty for needing a break.

Go see your GP and ask for a referral for therapy for your PTSD. Maybe medication for your anxiety as well.

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2 year olds Families General parenting

Harrysmummy246 · 15/03/2022 17:29

Well he's not really a partner is he.

By age 2, I'd be handing DC over and just leaving the house .....

KilmordenCastle · 15/03/2022 17:36

There is no reason at all to feel guilty for wanting a break. I've had regular "me time" away from my dc's since they were babies. I had to or I probably would have gone mad.

Your partner is a useless fuckwit who needs to start pulling his weight with looking after the child that he created!

JuneOsborne · 15/03/2022 17:38

The baby has another parent. Leave the baby with him while you do something.

Has your partner ever had the baby on his own?

AHungryCaterpillar · 15/03/2022 17:40

Why can’t your partner have him, I’m in the same situation as you but a lone parent, I was assuming you was till I read you have a partner; surely he should be having your child sometimes?

AHungryCaterpillar · 15/03/2022 17:40

Just checking he is the child’s father?

confettisprinkles · 15/03/2022 17:47

The first couple of years are so relentless, of course yanbu to need a break.
If you haven't already you need to speak to your partner about what you need, he gets time to himself every day, you have a toddler stuck to you 24/7 therefor when he's home he needs to be taking over with the toddler and pulling his weight. Can he take your little one with him when he goes out on the weekend to give you a couple of hours?
Is there any playgroups local to you? DD started 2 morning a week when she turned 2 and I could leave her there for a couple of hours, it's not much but it saves my sanity. If not would even just one session at a nursery be possible? At least it then gives you a bit of time to be you and not just mum.

Original poster

Westmidsmum1 · 15/03/2022 20:56

Yes he has a few times in the past. I asked him last week if he could watch our son for a few hours just so I could go out and have a bit of me time, his response was yeah I'll just play on the xbox and our son can do what he wants, it's really put me off going anywhere now incase he doesn't take care of him properly 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

Westmidsmum1 · 15/03/2022 20:57

Yes he is

OP posts:

Strawmite · 15/03/2022 21:02

Of course you need a break! Honestly OP if I’d been with either of my kids 24/7 for two solid years I’d have lost my mind. Going back to work was a godsend for me, I loved being independent and being back to ‘me’. Do you or could you work? If you are a SAHP can you afford any nursery days? And 100% your DP needs to step up and be a better parent. IMO the one off 2 hour break isn’t really enough- you need a regular break (eg half a day of nursery for the child or work) you don’t necessarily need to be doing nothing but a mental break from the mothering load.

Chely · 15/03/2022 21:27

You are with an immature prat.
He needs to take care of his child not be gaming and allow you to have a break.

Jjjayfee · 15/03/2022 21:34

Obviously he needs to be a man and father not a spoilt brat but why aren't his parents helping with their grandson

Harrysmummy246 · 15/03/2022 21:42

@Westmidsmum1

So he's being deliberately crap so he doesn't have to.

Why are you with him???????????????

Rattymare · 15/03/2022 21:48

If we live near each other (I'm in Cardiff) I would happily be rent-a-nan to give you a break 🧓💐

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 15/03/2022 21:50

Find yourself a decent babysitter. Or your not very dear and def no partner will happily leave you at home for years...
Make sure you don't get pregnant again.

Embracelife · 15/03/2022 22:01

Put child in nursery
Think about separating from the waste of space

Poppy709 · 15/03/2022 22:25

Hi OP, of course you are not bad for wanting a break - I think everyone needs a break from their kids! Your partners behaviour is absolutely unacceptable, he is not parenting your son at all.
On the anxiety and PTSD, are you being treated for that? If it is still so severe it’s massively restricting your day to say activities you need to speak to someone. I also have anxiety and PTSD which are both hideous, but very treatable once you find what works for you. You deserve to be able to enjoy life xx

GalactatingGoddess · 16/03/2022 06:57

Sorry OP but in these sort of circumstances, after a warning and discussion with your partner, I'd be leaving him.

He is useless and manipulative! Telling you he will leave your child to do whatever is so that you don't leave the house as you would be worried.

If it was my partner I'd first off chuck his Xbox on bin day (however I'd also have access to finances and do, and am in the knowledge of not having an abusive partner? So I appreciate this may not be safe for you). Secondly, I'd be looking at nursery if I could afford it or a childminder - is that an option (and make sure he pays half)

Brazicat · 16/03/2022 12:26

Hi there
I would also be feeling awful if I were in this situation. Two years is an awful long time to be with anyone 24/7 much less a baby. You must must must prioritise your own mental and physical health, it’s like the old saying, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
I’d absolutely pop your son into child care, it will also be really good for him.
And I agree with the people who’ve said that your partners behaviour isn’t ok
There will be lots and lots of people feeling just like you in your area so maybe you’ll bump into someone when you drop your son off who may become someone to chat to ….
Good luck ! I promise it gets better and I’m proud of you for speaking up

Onlyforcake · 16/03/2022 12:39

Sorry, i can't see the point in living with the child's father if he is unwilling to be a parent. What is the point of your relationship if he does not consider spending time with you and his child as his family? What is the point of him coming "home" if he totally ignores you and his child to play games and go straight to sleep? There's no benefit to you, no point in him just being an extra person you work around, plan around but have no input from. Your partner needs to grow up, take responsibility and pull his socks up. He sounds less than useless. I really hope he sees this thread and understands how completely unsexy un appealling he actually is that he treats his partner and child with such dismissive condescension.
You can't be there for your child continually without maintaining your own health. Look at regular professional childcare first. Then start to use that time to get your life organised without the millstone of your partner in it.

80sMum · 16/03/2022 14:40

Sorry OP, but, sadly, it seems to me that you might actually be better off without your so-called "partner." He's clearly not accepted that he's a father, is not willing to be a responsible parent and appears to take no real interest in his son. 😔

Antares444 · 16/03/2022 15:37

My situation was similar when my son was that age and I know how awful it can be. We couldn't afford a nanny, I had no friends, all my family was living abroad and my partner had a very demanding job that kept him out of home for 12 hours. I thought I would go crazy and there were days when I wished to get sick so that I could spend a week or two in hospital.
What did I do? I changed my mindset. I told myself that the situation was temporal, that kids grow so fast and the nightmare wouldn't last forever. I spoke to my husband and told him how I felt and he started spending more time with our son. And it did get better. But you need to be strong and go through this, tell to yourself: this is the hardest it will ever be and I am doing it, I am capable of handling it and I am proud of myself. The terrible two is really terrible. Hang in there!

Somethingsnappy · 16/03/2022 16:37

If you break up with your partner, you will get rid of a useless waste of space, at the same time as creating a chance to have a break sometimes, while your partner has contact. Just saying...

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