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Original poster

Leaving kids with someone who has a criminal history

55 replies

AnotherAnxiousMess · 13/03/2022 15:28

My partner and I are going away for a weekend. We have two daughters, 2 and 4 years old. My MIL is coming across to our house to take care of them whilst we’re away, I’ve only ever left them overnight with my parents before, so this is a big deal for me anyway. But to add to it, she is bringing her bf along, they’ve only been together for about 6 months and I don’t know much about him and have only met him a few times. I recently found out that he has a criminal history and has been to prison. I got my partner to ask his mum about what the charges were for and was told it was for burglary and assault, but it was years ago. AIBU to not feel comfortable leaving my kids overnight with this guy?

OP posts:

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SnowdropFox · 13/03/2022 15:53

I'd definitely want to know more, it must have been serious to go to prison. However, I am all for hearing people out before making a snap decision, he could have turned his life around and be a top bloke. You don't want your kids to be guinea pigs for their babysitting skills.

Id meet somewhere neutral and have a chat, see how he interacts with the kids. Have an honest conversation.

As it hers have said, does he have to be there at all if you haven't met properly beforehand?

NowEvenBetter · 13/03/2022 15:54

No need for it to turn in to a fight, your boyfriend can educate himself on the statistical risk to kids of unrelated males, and explain to his mother why it obviously will not be happening, but thanks anyway.

Redshoeblueshoe · 13/03/2022 15:54

OMG she didn't even ask - that's dreadful

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Eightiesfan · 13/03/2022 15:57

No way would I agree to MIL bringing some random bloke regardless of any criminal record into my house with my young children. I wouldn’t even ask her not to bring him, as I’d be worried she’d invite him over anyway. I’d make other arrangements or cancel.

NowEvenBetter · 13/03/2022 15:57

The fact that the granny’s boyfriend is even considering going to stay in unknown kids house for a weekend is red flag galore, too.

Clymene · 13/03/2022 16:01

@AnotherAnxiousMess

Thanks everyone for reaffirming what I was thinking. My partner thinks I’m overreacting, because he trusts his mum. It’s probably going to turn into a big fight between us and the MIL, I don’t think it ever crossed her mind that it would be a problem as she never even asked if he could come along, she just assumed it would be fine.

And that's why it should worry you. She has poor judgement. She has sole care of your precious babies. She should be protecting them with her life, not offering them up on a plate to some bloke she barely knows.

LightSpeeds · 13/03/2022 16:01

Would your partner be happy if you just grabbed any old bloke off the street to look after your little kids alone for the weekend?

Because, effectively, you might as well do this for all you know about his mother's partner.

Can't help but think both your partner and MIL are irresponsible, naive idiots.

Vitani · 13/03/2022 16:03

Is your mum going to be with the kids too? I wouldn't mind in that case.

AuntFlorence · 13/03/2022 16:03

I would not be happy with her looking after them either as I would seriously question her judgment and ability to keep them safe either.
& definitely a hell no to the guy
Not because of his past, but because he is an unknown quantity

Vitani · 13/03/2022 16:04

Sorry, just seen it is MIL, not your mum. If you trust MIL though, and she will be there, I still wouldn't mind.

Margaretmatcher · 13/03/2022 16:06

Assault??????? A custodial sentence for assault and you are asking if he should be babysitting your dc. I really think you need to cancel your trip and never let that man anywhere near your children.

INeedNewShoes · 13/03/2022 16:11

No! You're absolutely right to have misgivings.

Actually, even without the criminal history I wouldn't feel comfortable with this.

I only leave DD overnight with people I have a longstanding relationship with and if it's a couple, I will at least have met the partner a number of times.

At 2 and 4 your DC are far too young to be able to advocate for themselves.

When I've had teenagers babysitting DD I've specifically asked them not to bring their boyfriend with them and all of them have said 'oh I wouldn't dream of it!'

Nikolaus · 13/03/2022 16:14

Assault??????? A custodial sentence for assault and you are asking if he should be babysitting your dc. I really think you need to cancel your trip and never let that man anywhere near your children.

I don't think having a custodial assault sentence makes you incapable of ever being safe around children. It could have been 20 years ago and he could now he completely different.

The issue is that OP doesn't know this person, what he is like, anything, and MILK hasn't been with him that long either.

Nikolaus · 13/03/2022 16:15

Milk MIL

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 13/03/2022 16:15

No bloody way

Ourlady · 13/03/2022 16:15

Hell no, you haven’t even met him but are expected to leave your prescious children with him…albeit with MIL too but still!

The prison thing just compounds things further but even without that absolutely no way.

Tonya345 · 13/03/2022 16:16

Can't you find a different babysitter? How do you know your mother-in-law won't bring this man, even if you say she is can't?
I wouldn't be happy about the arrangement.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/03/2022 16:17

You would be negligent to leave your children with this man. Absolutely no fucking way. I also would seriously be doubting the judgement of your husband and MIL if they genuinely don't see an issue with this.

You simply cannot allow this to happen.

VioletLemon · 13/03/2022 16:21

Tell MIL you only feel comfortable leaving DC with her alone. Get your partner to spell it out very clearly. No negotiation.

SmellyOldOwls · 13/03/2022 16:23

Honestly I've heard so many horror stories that I even worry a bit leaving the kids with men who are blood relatives who we have known for years. Zero chance would I allow this. Im sure on another platform I'd be mocked as a Karen (🙄) and told NAMALT but safeguarding is important. My job as a mum is to keep my children safe.

Original poster

AnotherAnxiousMess · 13/03/2022 16:23

Just to clarify, I have met him about 5 times and so have my kids. He seems like an ok person…. But I wouldn’t say I know him enough to leave my kids with him.

OP posts:

Ostryga · 13/03/2022 16:25

Why would she bring him anyway??

I would rather die than leave my kids with a man I’ve met 5 times. I don’t care how nice he seems in those interactions, it is never worth the risk.

WonderfulYou · 13/03/2022 16:28

they’ve only been together for about 6 months and I don’t know much about him and have only met him a few times.

The criminal history bit wouldn’t bother me.

What would is that they’ve only been together 6 months - your MIL doesn’t even know him.

Hollywolly1 · 13/03/2022 16:40

Its very worrying that you need to ask advice on here regarding if you should leave your children with a stranger,shocking

Original poster

AnotherAnxiousMess · 13/03/2022 17:00

@Hollywolly1 It was more that I wanted confirmation that I was right in not wanting to leave my kids with this person. My partner trusts his mum and in his mind our kids would be safe with her around. But obviously it isn’t that simple.

OP posts:

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