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Original poster

Present for sibling too?

42 replies

moocow1234567 · 12/03/2022 09:16

My youngest is turning 2 next week.
She is having a scooter for her birthday.

We also have a 4 year old and my partners family buy a present for my eldest on youngest birthday too. It's a tradition they have always carried out with their own kids. My family have never done this so I understand it but also in the real world they aren't going to get a present every time it's someone else's birthday so I feel like the eldest just kind of has to accept that?

Anyway, I'm happy to buy a little something for eldest & was thinking some new colourful vests & a couple of books. Partner wants to buy a matching scooter for her. It's about £50 and I just think that's a bit excessive and we are going to have to keep this up every birthday so surely just buy something little?

She has an awful scooter at the minute but she never goes on it. She doesn't seem to have any interest in it. She will obviously get upset and cry on youngests birthday and say she wants one and then I will look like the bad person and then partner will end up ordering her one a few days later to keep her happy but I would be surprised if she used it for more than a week.

Am I being a bit tight in my view? Do you also get other child a present when it's not their birthday??

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DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 12/03/2022 09:19

I hate this! Oldest has their own birthday. And Christmas and Easter. Why do we need to placate them for someone else's birthday?!

When they're at school they won't get a present on their best friend's birthday...

yourestandingonmyneck · 12/03/2022 09:20

Agree something small is fine. Definitely not an equivalent present, ie scooter!

Greentomatoes21 · 12/03/2022 09:24

Something very small, if anything. Sibling will get all the same treats - cake, birthday tea, day out - whatever you're planning for the birthday. So absolutely no need for a present, especially not an equivalent one!

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dancemom · 12/03/2022 09:25

You can't start this now, your eldest needs to learn that other people get special days.

If your eldest cries at a friends birthday are you going to buy them a present then too?

FelicityPike · 12/03/2022 09:27

We always got a new packet of pants when it was siblings birthdays, they weren’t wrapped up or anything. DS & I still do it.

Dotdotdotdashdashdashdotdotdot · 12/03/2022 09:27

I hate this too. It’s the birthday persons special day & theirs alone, siblings get their own birthday so shouldn’t have big matching presents. (or any at all imo)

LittleBearPad · 12/03/2022 09:29

We do buy something for the other sibling but it’s a book or small Lego box.

whosaidtha · 12/03/2022 09:36

At 4 they are probably old enough to understand. My little boy got awfully jealous on his sisters birthday this year. Especially because she had a whole class party so had 30 presents to open. But we don't pander to him. He was quite naughty over the week. The only thing we did was buy a piñata and he got to share all her sweets.

EMM01 · 12/03/2022 09:39

Don't get into that habit! Something small like some colouring books like you suggested, useful/educational would be good. Our kid had the same problem when he started to understand what presents were for..... no one else could have a present, even at Christmas in his mind! They were all for him. He just had to learn that everyone has their own special days in life, and giving a gift is a way to celebrate with them. He gives "presents" all the time now lol

GoogleWhacked · 12/03/2022 09:47

That's nuts! Getting her the same present as the birthday child is even more nuts.....
What's the point of being the birthday child?
Teach her that she doesn't get a present when it's not her birthday.

AlwaysLatte · 12/03/2022 09:49

Ours have always had 'unbirthday' presents, and they're 14 and 11 now. Usually something small and practical. This year the non-birthday boy's wireless headset had broken so we bought one of those.

TeenPlusCat · 12/03/2022 09:52

We did presents on siblings birthdays until youngest was ~4.
But it was something v.small like a magazine or small cuddly toy. Just to give them something new to occupy themselves with. It's not really 'fair' to give a big present like a scooter imo.

Heartofglass12345 · 12/03/2022 09:53

There's nothing wrong with something small, it helps keep them occupied as well. It must be hard for a small child to sit there and get nothing, watching their sibling opening all these presents and getting a lot of attention, whilst they are being told 'it's not your birthday, stop playing up/ being naughty' etc.
I think people forget how emotionally immature young children are, even if they do understand they may not know how to deal with it and usually just end up getting told off as their parents are too busy with the birthday child.

RoseMartha · 12/03/2022 10:04

One set of grandparents did this when my sibling and I were small. It stopped aged about ten. I didnt think anything negative of it stopping. I just thought now I am 10 I dont need a present on siblings birthday.

It was only something small like a book or colouring pens or sweets.

theworstwife · 12/03/2022 10:10

We don’t do this - they have to get used to some things not being about them. My son helps at his little sister’s party and does get his own party bag as a thank you though with some extra sweets

HappeeInParis · 12/03/2022 12:38

I definitely wouldn't get into this. If you want to help your older child feel included, could you help her make a card or something for her little sister?

lemonjam · 12/03/2022 13:01

Mine get a magazine on a siblings birthday - this started when middle was 3 and just really not able to cope with his sister’s birthday, and has carried on as a wee tradition they love.

DriedBeanKibble · 12/03/2022 13:02

I love this, we have always done it, it's kind and makes siblings less competitive.

Beees · 12/03/2022 13:06

I agree with you it's a completely unnecessary habit to get into. Your child is 4 and more than capable of understanding that it's their siblings special day.

They don't need even a token gift in my opinion. I'm sure they will get cake and their sibling will inevitably let them play with their new toys.

If you're partner is going to buy a matching scooter why even bother pretending it's a birthday gift for the 2 year old. It's just a scooter if they are both getting one, it's not a birthday present.

DriedBeanKibble · 12/03/2022 13:09

Not the same present or a big one to be clear, something small like a cuddly toy, a book or small toy. Birthday child needs to obviously have the special presents.

KylieCharlene · 12/03/2022 13:09

My dc are are close in age and this buying for both siblings on one of their Birthdays was started by my family too and tbh it's got completely out of hand.
DPs parents didn't want to look mean when my family were buying for the non-birthday child so they started buying too- and my DP also decided we should buy the other one something.
My dc are pre-teen and no longer happy with a colouring book and sweets so we are now all giving the non-birthday child cash!

cliffdiver · 12/03/2022 13:10

She will obviously get upset and cry on youngests birthday and say she wants one

Why obviously?

I know she's only 4, but crying because you don't get a present on someone else's birthday is incredibly spoilt.

334bu · 12/03/2022 13:11

We called it the "malteser" present. Birthday child got their presents and any other young child got something like a pack of crayons or sweets etc.

Mumdiva99 · 12/03/2022 13:13

Nope.

My mum did do it and I don't get it at all. Why should the other kids get presents it isn't their birthday. My kids aren't upset when it's a siblings birthday. They get it.

Where do you stop....do you get the kids a present on Mum's birthday? Dad's birthday? Grandparents birthday? So why do it on a siblings birthday?

VioletCharlotte · 12/03/2022 13:13

I always buy my nephew and niece something little on the other ones birthday. Just something little like football stickers, a comic, sweets, etc. My Nan always used to do it for us and I remember how nice it was!

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