Present for sibling too?

[moocow1234567]

My youngest is turning 2 next week.
She is having a scooter for her birthday.

We also have a 4 year old and my partners family buy a present for my eldest on youngest birthday too. It's a tradition they have always carried out with their own kids. My family have never done this so I understand it but also in the real world they aren't going to get a present every time it's someone else's birthday so I feel like the eldest just kind of has to accept that?

Anyway, I'm happy to buy a little something for eldest & was thinking some new colourful vests & a couple of books. Partner wants to buy a matching scooter for her. It's about £50 and I just think that's a bit excessive and we are going to have to keep this up every birthday so surely just buy something little?

She has an awful scooter at the minute but she never goes on it. She doesn't seem to have any interest in it. She will obviously get upset and cry on youngests birthday and say she wants one and then I will look like the bad person and then partner will end up ordering her one a few days later to keep her happy but I would be surprised if she used it for more than a week.

Am I being a bit tight in my view? Do you also get other child a present when it's not their birthday??

My mum had 6 of us all we got on our sibling's birthday was a slice of birthday cake.

We do something small for the non birthday sibling but they are 2 days apart, eldest DS was just about to turn 4 when DD pipped him at the post and popped out 2 days early, so on her first birthday we compensated with a small present for DS and carried it on. I always buy both their birthdays at once but hold something back for each to give them on their siblings birthday.

Personally, I think it's a bag idea. Kids need to learn that it's not always about them.

The bit that stood out to me in your post was She will obviously get upset and cry on youngests birthday and say she wants one and then I will look like the bad person and then partner will end up ordering her one a few days later to keep her happy but I would be surprised if she used it for more than a week.

Why will she obviously get upset? None of my dc ever got upset at their siblings getting a present. Maybe spend some time preparing her and explaining about how a birthday is a special day, only the birthday child gets a present but that we all get to have fun, have cake etc to celebrate. Remind her that she will have her special day too. Do some distracting on the day. Maybe ask her to show her sibling how to use a scooter by using her own one.

If your dp orders a scooter because she gets upset, he is setting you both up for a very difficult life. He is telling her that if she kicks up a fuss, she will get what she wants and that she is entitled to whatever others get. Don't do that. It is unfair to her as well as you.

I don't think siblings should get anything, not even a token present. They will get their turn.

No, I think something small is maybe ok - it wouldn't be what we would do. I definitely wouldn't give the same present, especially given second children generally get a lot of hand me downs so birthdays are one of the key times for new presents.

I never did this. I expected my children to learn to take pleasure from the experience of seeing their siblings getting presents on their birthdays. They were as selfish as any other children in most circumstances, but they coped fine with knowing that only the birthday child got presents and their own turn would come round.

My former in-laws used to get both their children identical presents when one had a birthday because the youngest made a terrible fuss if his brother got something he didn't. I don't think the adult personality of either of them was better for it.

I never did this. My kids were happy to focus on treats like cake, balloons and outings on their siblings birthdays and knew that they'd get their turn too.

WTAF! I can understand a very small cheap toy to occupy, but what you're talking about is the Eldest having a second birthday of equivalent value every year on youngest birthday.

When does youngest get the favour returned? Why not do the same on Eldest's birthday for younger then to make it fair?

Or why bother with specific birthdays since no one apparently except Eldest matters?

Poor child.

I wouldnt get a present for the non birthday child, they can join in with cake etc. Definitely not the same scooter, i feel all you are teaching them is that they will always get things and that for the birthday child it isn't really their day.

I have always done a small gift for the sibling of the birthday child. But only for my children.

A book or something that they want but of small value. The gift is wrapped and placed to the side of the birthday presents, it is opened after the celebrations towards the end of the day but only if the non birthday sibling has been kind, helpful and happy for their sibling to have the focus that day. It helps the non birthday child not to strop, knowing they get a little something.

I remember going to the first birthday of a friend’s child, their older sibling had more to open than the birthday boy. Little gifts but still ridiculous. So, for me, it’s about balance. We still do the Sister gift, even now they’re old enough o understand and be gracious without bribery!

When our dcs were younger, we gave a small gift to siblings on birthdays. But they really were small gifts - a book/small, inexpensive toy/game etc. Definitely no more than a couple of pounds in value (I'm going back 20+years), so today, would probably amount to around £7 or so. I would not have a problem with that, but would have a big issue if sibling had a gift equal to birthday child.

Thanks all!

I'm glad it's not just me that thinks it's ridiculous.

Having read peoples comments about her getting upset - the more I think about it, she hasn't actually ever got upset about someone else getting a birthday present and she definitely wasn't upset when my youngest turned 1 and had lots of presents!

I think partner is worried because she does get upset if she doesn't have the same as her Sister in day to day life.

Looks like partners family have brought my eldest quite a few bits for the youngest birthday so i think I will just get her a book and that's it!

Agree that it is ridiculous. Wish my partners family would just buy one little thing but not much I can do. It comes from a good place but this is just not the real world!

When my DC were younger, one child would get a birthday present and the other child would get a small "well done for being such a lovely sibling" present.

DS1's 10th birthday is next week, and DS2 (8yo) will not be getting a present.

My mother used to buy my younger sibling stuff on my birthday but I never got anything on their birthday because I was older🙄🙄 honestly don't start this. Your 4 year old just has to learn that they don't always get presents.

Hate that however you can't buy a scooter for one and not for the other! I was in the same situation very recently and we're waiting for our religious celebration to give a scooter and a Barbie to both kids (4 and 5 yo)

No I wouldn't. Kids should be taught it's not always about them.

My SIL and bil have 3 kids. Oldest niece 7 has always got a present on the others birthday because she throws an absolute fit if she doesn't get anything. One year it was the middle child's I think 3rd birthday and eldest niece threw a fit because her younger sister got a lovely doll for her birthday. SIL ended up taking the doll of the birthday girl and giving it to the eldest saying to middle niece she had other presents instead. Imagine having your present given to your sister because she won't stop crying middle niece is really sweet, felt sorry for her.