Trip without baby?

[A3344555]

Big birthday for DH this year, planning on potentially going away for 5 days the country is too hot so we wouldn’t want to take baby as they’d be 8 months when we’d go (be back for his actual birthday day) so very young

My mother who is an amazing grandma and always cares for baby whenever we need and I trust her with him so much, her and my father are the 2nd best carers for baby just after me and DH being number 1!

However, I feel such a pang of guilt. Is this too long to leave my baby? I know I’d miss them so much and I’d want to celebrate DH’s birthday but it is in the back of my mind how guilty I feel.

Has anyone been away from baby while they were under 1? I feel like a terrible mother just asking this

I feel such a pang of guilt. Is this too long to leave my baby?

Nobody can answer this. It’s a completely personal decision. What matters is wether your baby is safe and cared for, alongside your ability to relax and enjoy yourself while you are apart. If you are confident, then don’t let old fashioned notions about what new mothers ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ do put you off. Likewise, don’t force yourself to do something for the sake of a birthday - likelihood is there will be plenty more of these to come.

I travelled a ton for work when my kids were under 1. I never found that going away was a problem at all, in itself; however, I found that my kids were very clingy when I got home and a bit emotional if I was gone for 4-5 days. 3 days, they didn’t bat an eyelid. Could you consider a shorter trip, especially if it’s your first time? You may find you’re more emotional than they are. ;-)

www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=separation-anxiety-90-P02283

I wouldn't. Mine is 8 months and very much experiencing this. Would really distress mine.

I wouldn't because I prioritise bonding. I was left as a baby when my parents took a vacation and I feel that some of my problems stem from that (although loads better after therapy). My sibling was taken with them and never suffered from anxiety, bonding issues or low self esteem.

But I know that plenty of people do this and say it's fine. I just don't think you can really predict the long term consequences for your child.

Go and enjoy yourself. It's not as if you're going for a fortnight. Happy marriage = happy family.

It’s five days. I’m sure you will call and FaceTime your baby whilst you are away. Extra cuddles and snuggles when you get back. I highly doubt 5 days of being doted on by grand parents is going to cause irreparable harm. Plus, you see them the day you go, you see them the day you get back so really it’s only 3 days.

I guess the question is whether you're asking because:

a) you feel you should go away but don't really want to
or
b) you want to go away but don't feel that you should

However you feel, it's valid and there's truly no right or wrong. It's a very personal decision and everyone has different thresholds.

Have you been away overnight before? I'd probably try a one or two night stay in your shoes, if you're feeling uncertain.

To further answer your question... I went away for the odd night on my own when my oldest was just over 1 and I was away two consecutive nights when he was 1.5. I've just been away for a night and left my now 3.5 year old and my baby (6 months) with DH. I missed them, but not so much that it spoilt the break(s), which I was looking forward to!

I have to be honest and say that I didn't actively seek out to leave the 6 month old of my own accord (it was for a trip that was important to a relative), however that's mainly due to feeding logistics (I'm breastfeeding, so there was a lot of expressing before the trip in order to build a stash for feeds, plus a lot of expressing during the trip to stay comfortable). However I have no regrets and I enjoyed the time away!

I couldn't have done it but my babies were clingy and I missed them too much. I've never been away from them for five days and they're teenagers

I wouldn't have done it either but it's very personal. To me time off / trips out / holidays are family time otherwise really what was the point in having children - depends if you are going to make a habit of it not I guess? But I also have worked full time since my children were each 20 weeks old so time with them is precious

Personally I wouldn't, but I wouldn't judge anyone that did if it's right for them! It's up to you really, I'm sure your baby would be fine but if you miss them that much it might taint the holiday in any case? If you've not left them overnight before would it be worth doing a shorter trip (1 or 2 nights) to see how that goes?

I’m sure you will call and FaceTime your baby whilst you are away

I would actually advise against this at such a young age. I found with DC1 that trying to FaceTime before they were about 3 just upset them too much, they didn’t seem to understand. Maybe just mine though!

I personally wouldn’t have gone away for so long at that age, and to be honest even at 2 and 6 now I probably wouldn’t go for more than a couple of nights given the choice (I did longer work trips when DC1 was little). Partly because i’d miss them, they’d miss me but also I wouldn’t want to use up annual leave days on time without the kids. I do, however have a few 1-2 night trips away a year, probably a couple with OH and a couple with girlfriends.

OP it’s totally up to you and if you chose to go definitely do not feel guilty about it. The way you have asked though suggests to me you have doubts. Don’t feel pressured just because it’s a big birthday for your DH.

@istandwithukraine

I wouldn't have done it either but it's very personal. To me time off / trips out / holidays are family time otherwise really what was the point in having children - depends if you are going to make a habit of it not I guess? But I also have worked full time since my children were each 20 weeks old so time with them is precious

This sounds pretty judgemental. Could just as well say whats the point of having children if youre just gonna be at work all day.

I was left with my grandparents often from baby age. It didnt get in the way of bonding with my parents. We have a fantastic relationship. On top of that i have the most wonderful relationship with my grandparents too. I hope my children will have the same with my parents when they grow up.
So far DH and I took 2 trips without them. A 3 day trip when they were 1 and 3 and a 2 week trip when they were 2 and 4.
It was amazing both times. We did miss the kids on the 2 week trip of course, but all we had to do was walk past the family area. Screeching children and yelling parents made us glad we were there alone
The 4 year old called us on face time a few times, the 2 year old didnt really ask much about us. They had a great time too with their grandparents.

I had 2 nights away when my DD was that age and I’d say that was enough, when she was 18 months I was away for 3 nights and that was really hard (more on me then her as she loved being with her nanny). My DH has a big birthday this year and we’re delaying a trip abroad for it as still feel our DC are young to be left.

Abroad? No way. I felt the priority was what was best for the baby and no matter how much one needs a break or wants to celebrate, I got sufficient re-charge from just one or two nights away when under 2. Your baby won't know you're coming back. It is quite a modern Western thing to leave your baby for several nights because you fancy a holiday it seems.

I would say definitely go and have a great time! Everyone’s situation is different and for some parents I think it would be wrong, because to me it’s all about the quality of care the baby will get when you’re away. In your case, your Mum is a really hands on Grandma with whom your LO probably feels very safe and loved. It sounds as if she already provides a lot of care and plays a key role in your family. I can’t see how there could be a problem and think you should not feel guilty but should feel glad that you have such an amazing relationship with your parents. Grandma will give him top quality love and care over the five days and it will be a rare and precious time for you and your husband. Enjoy!

No, sorry, I wouldn't prioritise a holiday or an adult's birthday over a time spent with my baby at this age.

It will be totally fine if you want to go.

If you really don't want to leave the baby though, there is really no such thing as a country that is too hot, you can bring them. It won't be quite the same of course, but if your only concern is the temperature, there's no need to worry about that.

Thanks everyone. I don’t really want to go alone I feel like I should do something with DH for his birthday and Abu Dhabi has been on his wish list for ever. Bit of wife guilt I guess but then would’ve led onto mum guilt !

But following on from last comment has anyone ever taken their child under 1 to Abu Dhabi or Dubai around this area? Is it too hot for them I assumed it was as it’s somewhere that’s hot all year

It sounds to me like you aren't comfortable with it yourself so on that basis I wouldn't go. Your baby is only this little once- and will be much easier to go another year when she is bigger? I don't see why you can't have a big celebration for his 41st birthday (or whatever it will be) Could you do something closer to home this year?

I've not been to the Middle East but have been to a hot country with a baby and it was fine. We stayed inside a lot during the day and stuck to the shade (I didn't want to go out when too hot anyway). But having a baby with you definitely changes the dynamic of a holiday...(in fact if it was me I'd look to bring your mother or someone who can babysit to get a break...)

Personally I couldn’t because of the distance.

It’s not a case of worrying about being left with grandparents as I’m sure your baby would be doted on, but the question I would be asking myself is, “If there’s an emergency how quickly could I get back to them?”

I wouldn't personally but each to their own. Im fretting about leaving out 4 month old kittens in the cattery for 5 days.

If you’re not comfortable I wouldn’t go. I enjoy a night away from my DS but I would not be comfortable with being a 6 hour flight away.
I have family who live in Dubai with a small baby and I think it is very set up for families, what time of year are you thinking?

All of ours were over 11 months before I could manage the 1 night away from them. Got later the more we had too. Dh suggested I fly out to Iceland as he'll be there for work this year but I said no way am I leaving baby (7mth now), I would live to go but not when she us so young (I could leave the older ones).

I took my 6 month old to the Caribbean. At the beach he had his naps on a sunbed under an umbrella. He loved the sea too. I didn't want to go once he could crawl though as the flight would have been too much. But I flew on my own so if I was with my husband I probs could have done it when he was crawling.