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Parenting

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Original poster

Not walking or talking

29 replies

Jojodan · 07/03/2022 10:05

Hi all,so I have a friend who has a baby boy and is now 22 months old,she isn't a close friend but she's the girlfriend of my partners friend from work,but anyway from her having him you could clearly see there was something wrong,he wasn't sitting up until he was 10 month old,when he cry's he arches he's back that much he's head touches he's bum,when they pick him up he's legs just dangle there,they are really slim with no muscles tone,our little boy is now 15 month old and walking all over and they now don't come round anymore as there little boy is still using a baby walker,he doesn't speak anything not even mumbles,he cry's constantly and I think it's coz he's in pain,they don't take him anywhere as I think they are ashamed only place they go are he's nanas, which after having kids of her own you would think she would be pointing things out to them but no one is,I'm not close enough to feel to be able to say anything to them about it,I personally think he has cerebral palsy,the hv has seen him awhile back but just said see how he goes,he stands up on the sofa but he leans on it with he's legs bent apart,he's a poorly boy but they just don't see it and it's so annoying,they won't bring him here to play with our little boy as he's doing things he's age should be doing and I feel bad about it,there boy crawls but he's legs are really wide apart almost so the inside of he's legs are touching the floor and he jumps rather than crawls,he looks like a frog crawling,how can I say without sounding rude he needs looking at?to me any parent would of taken them to there gp months ago but they haven't and there having another one which is due end of this month which also concerns me,the mum has slight learning difficulties not sure what as I say we are not that close for me to ask but can clearly see there is a problem,you can't speak to her if you ask her a question she looks to her bloke for the answer and he answers it for her,do I just let them get on with it or do I just say something as I feel that poor boy is not getting all the help he needs,thanks for reading this everyone

OP posts:

Duracellbunnywannabe · 07/03/2022 10:15

Do you know who their HV is? I would be tempted to ring the HV team, not give your name but raise your concerns eg 22 months not walking and talking, parents unconcerned and Mum is very passive and always defers to Dad. Don’t mention your diagnosis

MissNothing1991 · 07/03/2022 10:16

'They don't take him anywhere as I think they are ashamed'...

Wow. Are you suggesting they should be? With opinions like yours, I'm not surprised they've no interest in having a discussion with you I have a child who is almost 3. They cannot yet speak and I'm sick of judgement and pity looks myself everytime someone points it out, as if I haven't realised. I sought advice and so far have had very little support so all I can do is encourage my child. With people like you and the pity lookers and such likes, is it any wonder I actually get anxiety leaving my own home.

I am not ashamed of my child, but everybody else treats me like I should be. If there is some sort of disability I will love my child no less, yet again, society appears to look down on those with disabilities.

MissNothing1991 · 07/03/2022 10:19

Everything about your post suggests your child is better. You could always tell something was wrong? You believe they have cerebral palsy? Yet you hardly know them? You seem to know they get no medical help and don't take them out? How, if you aren't actually close to them? How often do you see them?

What qualifications do you have to go around suggesting other people's kids have certain conditions and that you knew from day one something was wrong with them?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Behaviour & development Families General health

HumunaHey · 07/03/2022 11:26

@MissNothing1991

'They don't take him anywhere as I think they are ashamed'...

I think you are projecting. It seems OP is just concerned. It's good to have people look out for a child. Not just mum and dad.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 07/03/2022 14:36

@MissNothing1991

'They don't take him anywhere as I think they are ashamed'...

You are totally projecting.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 07/03/2022 14:37

OP - I echo PP. I would call HV and advise what you have written here and hopefully they will reach out.

BonnieBlue88 · 07/03/2022 15:50

@MissNothing1991

wow, you're projecting.

MariaDingbat · 07/03/2022 15:50

Just wondering if perhaps he has been diagnosed with something and they're just not making it public knowledge? The child would have seen a gp / nurses / health visitors in the last year so I would hope something would have been noticed. It might be that it is difficult for them to be around children who are meeting their milestones while their child is struggling, rather than being ashamed of him.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 07/03/2022 15:55

@MariaDingbat

But would they?

My DD has never seen a GP in person, the nurse who did her vaccinations didnt check her for anything else. HV can be refused.

Its so easy for kids at that age to slip through the net.

FolkSongSweet · 07/03/2022 16:00

We had a really similar situation with a child in our NCT group. Tbh it was obvious almost from birth that he was different (never any eye contact, really floppy) and it just became more and more obvious as he got older. At 22 months he was exactly like the baby you’re describing and his parents seemed to be in total denial. They’d say he was shy and introverted when he just couldn’t make any sounds or make eye contact. It was so sad. Anyway unlike the parents in your case these parents were highly educated and I felt that they perhaps were privately aware.

Fast forward 2.5 years and the little one is at nursery with my child and is awaiting an autism diagnosis. He eventually learned to walk at about 2.5 (had hypotonia) but no speech yet. I now know that early intervention can be massively helpful and wonder if I should have pushed. His parents now say that he’s showing symptoms of mild autism if asked so are perhaps slowly getting there. It’s tricky but in your case I’d say something.

Sprogonthetyne · 07/03/2022 16:37

Op said the health visitor saw the child some time ago, who has suggested watching and waiting. So it sounds like it has been flagged up, and there will hopefully be follow up later. From my experience, it can be very difficult to get health care professionals involved before about 3 years, so it may be they are on waiting lists and pushing for support, but just haven't mentioned it to casual acquaintances.

As for them not going out, I doubt it's because they're ashamed, but it could be that some social situations just don't work for them. I stopped going to toddler groups because DS (later diagnosed ASD) found them overwhelming, I also avoid things where the parents talk while the kids play, because my kid didn't get to that level of independence until years after everyone else's.

If you want to be supportive you could try inviting them to a range of different places, and see if they except any (for us, a walk round a farm with kids in buggies would have been great) or just try to keep messaging/ talking on the phone and see if they suggest a meet up when their ready.

MariaDingbat · 07/03/2022 16:46

I must be lucky and taking my local heath centre for granted, we've had no problems at all accessing a GP in person over the last year and with every vaccination the nurses do a quick check and call in the GP to go over anything that needs looked at (excema, cough etc..). If there a possibility that he might have slipped through the cracks, a call to their local HV might be a good idea.

Bitofachinwag · 07/03/2022 17:01

You say you don't know her very well, so she probably wouldn't talk to you about any issues . Perhaps your partner could talk to his friend about it?

Original poster

Jojodan · 08/03/2022 15:07

Well I'm sorry if the way i worded somethings sound wrong,I don't mean it in a bad way at all but iam concerned that's all,can you imagine seeing a little boy growing up and knowing he's a poorly boy and not been able to say anything and we can't say anything about our baby's development so we don't offend them,thank you to the majority of people that have seen it from how I see it,and they do open up to us a bit but ya can tell there hiding something and to me the way they do it is there ashamed which is wrong,he's just poorly that's all and if they get the help he needs he can get on the right path as he needs physio etc,iam only a care worker but the things I see at work make me know Afew things,they won't take him out which I think isn't fair on him as all other kids around him are doing other things where as he can't,is that really fair on him?or should he be getting the help he needs,ya can't keep covering that up as it's there baby you do all you can to help them not hide away and pretend nothings happening that's my point,I don't want to be ringing anyone about it as there my friends but as we not very close friends I feel I can't say he needs just a little bit of help

OP posts:

Original poster

Jojodan · 08/03/2022 19:02

@MissNothing1991 you got it all wrong,I'm not doing it to be a bitch,but when that poor boy is suffering and it's clear for everyone to see and there turning a blind eye to it what do I do?that was my meaning,wasn't been cruel at all and wasn't been "my baby does this yours doesn't" at all,they won't bring there boy round coz he can't do anything and play with my boy,when our boy started walking you want to shout it frl the roof tops but when we told them it's like they not bothered coz there boy is 6 month older and still can't do it so we feel like we can't say anything about our boy as to not offend them,iam writing this as iam a concerned person,if you knew a person that clearly visibly had a child with a disability and they wasn't seeing it and pretending nothings happening what would you do?i wasn't been cruel in the slightest I just feel this poor boy is suffering so much and they turning away from it,they have another baby due this month and she is going to struggle so much without help,I could be a bitch and a gossip and ring hv or social but I wanted to ask for advice on here as to what I could do or not do and let them get on with it,we shouldn't feel ashamed of our kids at all but honestly that's how they are.........take that as you want to take it but iam concerned for the boy that's all,you see a baby crying and in pain you do something about it,not leave him crying wondering what's wrong with him,there is visible signs he's a poorly boy to anyone to see him iam not cruel or been horrible

OP posts:

Original poster

Jojodan · 08/03/2022 19:05

@MissNothing1991 and I also do not look down on them or anyone who is disabled iam a care worker stupid,iam very concerned about him,bet you took steps to see someone about your child and done all you can even if your not getting anywhere,they are not even doing that,I never pitty anyone is you who thinks people are looking and judging when they may simply be looking that's all,I have 5 children and one of them I had severe juvenile arthritis and can't walk properly,iam in no way shape or form ashamed of her for it,it's what makes her my special daughter,don't ever think I judge people as I dont,if they did something for there boy I wouldn't be here asking for advice would I

OP posts:

ChairCareOh · 08/03/2022 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/03/2022 20:45

@Jojodan You're 30 with 5 children? Wow.

SmellyWellyWoo · 08/03/2022 20:45

Oops got usernames mixed up- ignore me! 😆

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2022 20:54

Op I'd also suggest calling the HV. The health visitor service round here is a joke since Covid and I doubt we're alone . I cried so someone saw them at 7 months, 12 month check over phone, they're 27 months and not been seen since. It's entirely possible the "see how it goes" resulted in a short call where Mom effectively nodded and said yes.

Original poster

Jojodan · 08/03/2022 20:59

@SmellyWellyWoo no iam 38

OP posts:

PinkButtercups · 08/03/2022 21:09

I'd be concerned for the lack of care/help.

I mean, this is a stretch but not unheard of. Do you know he isn't being left in a crib for hours at a time? It happens more than people think especially abroad in children's care homes. They're left in the crib so long they just lay there and loose muscle etc. I mean it could be a massive stretch but if phone someone because you just never know. At this moment in time that child needs an advocate.

PinkButtercups · 08/03/2022 21:10

Lose not loose.

Lovemusic33 · 08/03/2022 21:17

My dd didn’t sit until she was 10 months and was a late Walker, she cried constantly, hated being looked at or touched, screamed in the roam and in the car so we rarely took her anywhere, not because we were ashamed but because it was too much hard work and I was worried people would think I was a bad parent. Dd was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 3 and later diagnosed with dyspraxia, hypermobility and hypertonia. It wasn’t easy getting any professional to take us seriously and my parenting skills were questioned, on doctor asked of my dd had been abused (because she disliked people).

The parents should be pushing for answers and talking to professionals. It might be that the child just needs some physio to help build muscle.

Original poster

Jojodan · 09/03/2022 08:14

Thanks for all your reply's and glad a lot of you have finally got the answers you want/need,but these are not even taking him to doctors as they don't see it as a problem,and yes they do keep him in he's cot a lot,also have only just started to put him in a baby walker which he is clearly too big for as when he pushes up on he's legs the frame part is below he's waist but to tell them he's too big for it is like falling on deaf ears constantly,they did see a hv who referred them to see a paediatrician but at that time he was 13 month old and said he will be fine but if he's not fully walking by the age of 18 month to get back intouch for a follow up,they both got mad and upset about it saying they was interfering etc and didn't know there little boy,see the people on here who have said they had similar experience with there child all have a diagnosis for something,where these are not doing anything about it as they haven't been back intouch with hospital they must just assume he's on he's feet about now

OP posts:

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