Anyone had a three year age gap and can answer some practical questions?

[Yebbie]

Second pregnancy gone terrifyingly quick, being distracted by a toddler I almost forgot I was pregnant for weeks at a time!

I'm now of course panicking that I'm unprepared.

My not quite 3 year old (will be 3 the week baby is due.. because of course) is relatively good at walking, fully capable, somewhat lazy and does still use a buggy sometimes and a trike for dog walks if we want to do any considerable distance. Dh saying definitely don't double buggy, but I'll be the one dealing with the reality of it.. so, double buggy? Did you/didn't you?

Nappies.. after an initial phase of him basically potty training himself, started taking his nappy off when he needed a pee or poo, was using potty most of the time at home and at nursery he has completely stopped for 4 months now. Just started refusing. Is fully back in nappies and won't even humour sitting on the potty. Do I start trying to encourage more? I really would like him out of nappies by the time baby comes but I don't want to pile on the pressure and scare him off!

Bottles. Also trying to wean him off a night time bottle? Again I feel mean but he really should of stopped at 2 according to what I read online. I worry about him not brushing his teeth after it, we brush them in the morning and before bottle (I know not good, but if we brush his teeth after he wakes up and it takes hours to settle him again, or another bottle..) is this a bit mean?

Also school, he will be starting school so soon after baby's arrival and I'm worried about too much change too quickly, guessing others with 3 year gap have had this? Any tips to help the transition?

Just anything to help prepare him, and me I guess! I'm panicking!

I say school I mean half days in nursery but a school nursery. He will go to his private nursery and they will take him to the school in the afternoon. Not full days so hopefully it's a gentle intro anyway!

We had a 2y8m gap. Never bought a double buggy, though I know plenty with that gap do. We either used a buggy board, or put the baby in a sling and DS1 in his stroller. We held off potty training till baby was a few months old so things were more settled. Kept him in his usual nursery and he didn't use bottles, so can't help with those though. But you will find a way and manage fine!

I had that gap.

I got a double buggy as oldest napped until she went to school, plus I’m in London so a lot of walking and no car.

Toilet training - mine had got it by then, but if I were you I wouldn’t push it with a new baby. Too many new things. And toddlers tend to regress anyway when a sibling is born.

Can’t help on bottles.

School can be a good thing, but you need to frame it as an exciting place big boys get to go to while baby does boring sleeping and mum does boring chores. Don’t mention any nice coffee and cake meet ups

Is he going to continue to go to full time nursery when you are on maternity leave?

I was advised any changes eg sleeping and potty training to do 6 month before your new baby is due. How long before your new baby is due?

I have a 3 year age gap. DD1 started school nursery when DD2 was 6 weeks old. It’s a lovely age gap. Nursery was a good distraction for DD1. She was only going to school nursery and it meant I didn’t have to worry if we didn’t go out or do much afternoon because she had already done lots of nursery. No to a double buggy but a scooter is handy.

5 year age gap here so less help.
Why not single buggy with buggy board? Double buggys always look so awkward to handle.

There's 2.5 years between each of my 3. I didn't do the double buggy - got a buggy board for the pram and a sling so were are options for who went where in various scenarios.

Potty training is hit and miss so let them lead you. My eldest cracked it in a week. Middle has taken 2 years to fully get there and it has been painful - but there is nothing worse than forcing a situation where they are emotionally not ready as it causes more problems than it solves IMO.

I wouldn't worry too much about school - they are experienced in getting kids up and running from all sorts of situations

How many weeks left? In general, don't try to rush your toddler through routine changes just before/after the baby arrives.

Practically speaking, a child in nappies is much easier than a child you needs a lot of help toileting (I can guarantee "I need a weeeeeeee" every time you sit down to feed the baby 😏)

None of my babies would go in a pram as newborns. So I tended to use the pushchair for the older child, and sling for the baby. I then switched the baby into pushchair and the toddler onto buggy board at about 4-6 months. Buggy boards are not v practical for off road dog walks though. But it would still probs be easier to start the baby in the pushchair, then switch the baby to a carrier if/when the toddler's legs give out!

In terms of bottles, this one is really hard. It's such a big comfort that it feels like the one thing to leave alone. BUT my little boy ended up with tooth decay aged 3 from bottles in bed. So this is one of the only times I'd say be cruel to be kind.

Buggy board worked for us depending on terrain.
I wanted to get dc1 night trained before baby arrived but that didn't happen for years. Re daytime, I'd definitely put in the effort now - have you read Oh Crap!? Just be consistent.

I didn't do night bottles, so can't help there but personally I don't think they need it at nearly 3. Surely he's fully weaned? I stopped night BFs before 2.

You'll realise dc1 is actually more grown up than you think when the baby arrives...

Can you start him in nursery a bit earlier? Dc1 was in nursery at age 1 anyway but i sent dc2 a couple of mornings a week at age 2.5 and that was a good age to start.

3 years age gap has been great, but the first year was tough. 3yo has been the most challenging behaviour in both kids...

I had a sling and a buggy board with a sit and that was fine; sling worked better in newborn days then buggy board has been fine.
With the bottles I probably would leave any changes or transitions at this stage

He goes 3 days a week to private nursery so he will go there and they will take him to and from his half days. The other 2 days he will either be with me all day or at half days, I'm not sure if they have to go everyday?! I need to get more organised and contact the school. He got approved for a place but I have no idea how it works yet!

I can't imagine him on a scooter he seems too young but that's probably my nerves. He has a push bike I'm too scared to let him touch without a helmet and he won't wear a helmet! Is now a good time to introduce a scooter? He'd need a helmet right? Will look into a buggy board too

And will hang fire with potty training

Is it school or nursery he will be starting? As school is quite far after if he’s just turned 3 when baby comes. With nursery my DD loved the different environment of it with having a little baby at home

I had 2.5 years between my second and third, slightly closer gap between my first and second so we already had the double buggy and I used it a lot in the first few months. Then we switched to a buggy board and normal pram and that was a bit easier so I'd go with that if your eldest is a bit older. I don't think you would necessarily get much use out of a double buggy with a three year old.

My 2.5 year old was still in nappies when the new baby came and it was fine, we did the potty training properly when I was in maternity leave.

Ditch the bottle. I feel your pain because my youngest is now 2.5 and still has a bottle at night maybe 4 nights a week (I know, I know, same as you I know it's bad). But she is my last baby and I kind of indulge her, but it should have stopped by now! If I was having another then I definitely would be stopping it.

It's actually a good gap you'll have. With my first two I had two under two and it was a shitshow, but the gap between my middle and third was much easier to manage even though I also had a 4 year old.

What have school nursery said about nappies? They can’t discriminate on the basis of him wearing nappies but they will want him out of them ASAP in part due to the reaction of other kids.

Gap of 3yrs + 1 day here - I challenge you :)

• we had a buggy board but never used it. DD thought she would use it to help me push the new baby in the pram !
• sling was good for short trips in the village
• I used a pram with carseat and a maclaren as convenient for DD2 but DD1 just walked everywhere. It was great to be able to use the lighter, easier maclaren which I only acquired after DD1 was 20mos.
• DD1 was potty trained before new baby arrived but more to be ready for playgroup. She wore pull-ups at night for at least a year after that but they were nearly always dry.
• potty training when she put her mind to it was pretty quick.
• DD1 started playgroup at 2yrs 9 mos so was settled there and continued going.
• DD1 continued to go to her childminder with whom she had a -mindmeld- great rapport a few days a week (I had been part-time) throughout my mat leave and then DD2 joined her there.

good luck!

Had no contact from the school about how it all works, I'm guessing I have to contact them I'm not sure how it all works. I'm assuming the nursery class full of just turned 3 year olds will have a fair amount of kids still in nappies probably particularly boys from what I've heard they do take longer? But I don't want him being bullied obviously it's just he has entirely lost all interest at the moment

I have a 3 Yr 2 month gap between mine and I had a Phil and Ted tandem buggy that later just used as a single. We live just under a mile from the town and while older one would walk there they were often tired on way back which was also uphill(and still napped in the pushchair occassionally) I got the pushchair from ebay and sold it on ebay afterwards as well!

They started school when younger one was 16 months. For me it was nice to have some 1 to 1 time with the younger one but at that stage I was a SAHM so would depend on your working situation.

Two yrs 10mths gap here.
I had a phil&teds AND a buggy with buggy board. I dont drive and lived in a city with good transport/taxis... so I had wheels for every occasion.

My eldest who only small was happy (lazy!) in the pram for ages - He still jumped on the bottom of the P&T's when he was five

2nd was feb born and I just waited til the summer to potty train, so eldest was 3+4 or 5 months. All dry by the September. That coulda just been luck, but having the summer/warm weather to deal with accidents and being able to waddle about barebummed help make it a little less stressy for me.

3.5 years here. We had a buggy board one the pram, then we had a mountain buggy for jogging with, and found the big footplate was big enough for dc1 to sit on when dc2 was in the seat.

Also really helped dc1 had a scooter and we added a strap to pull that along when he was too tired.

@Yebbie

Had no contact from the school about how it all works, I'm guessing I have to contact them I'm not sure how it all works. I'm assuming the nursery class full of just turned 3 year olds will have a fair amount of kids still in nappies probably particularly boys from what I've heard they do take longer? But I don't want him being bullied obviously it's just he has entirely lost all interest at the moment

I wouldn’t expect so. In my DD’s class there was one child in nappies and that was due to a medical issue.

We have a gap 3 years and 1 month. Haven't gone for a double buggy but have got a buggy board and a pram that goes up to 22kg weight limit so older DS can use it on long days out and baby can be popped in the sling.

I listened to an audiobook called 'the second baby book' which I found useful. It recommended to not try and make any big changes within I think 6m of baby arriving. This was unavoidable for us, he had to move bedrooms, but we made it a birthday present (and it was a major upgrade so he was more than happy), but I wouldn't try and change too much. Potty training wise, we were sorted daytime and had very few accidents (maybe once a month) and this did regress slightly when DD was born we tried night training but he wasn't ready and we didn't want to push it top much. Plan to try again when DD is around 4/6 months.

I wouldn't bother with a double buggy but go for a sling and a buggy board.

Don't worry about the bottle for the moment, he will need as much comfort as possible when baby arrives. The tooth brushing is fine and won't be an issue.
Ditto with the potty training as he will probably revert with the upset of baby coming.
We had a lot of issues with the arrival of baby 2 at the same age, with toddler being so upset and unsettled. Don't worry too much about the above issues, concentrate on giving him as much attention as you can between baby care, as it's so difficult for firstborns

30 month gap. We had a buggy board and DD also walked.

A three year old will be fine on a scooter - micro scooters do ones with seats that come off.

I would try to get rid of the bottles as they aren’t good for his teeth. Nappies I wouldn’t worry about.

I have this gap with my two and we didn't get a double buggy just a buggy board with a seat on for the older one, he doesn't use it much though only if we are walking really far.
As for potty training I honestly wouldn't bother if you're due soon, lots of children regress when siblings are born so it could be lots of hard work for him to regress. Wait until you're settled!

I had a two year age gap. We had a double buddy to begin with but only used it for about six months. By the time DC1 was 3, he was happy to walk. But I would think about how you travel and how you can contain him if you need to urgently attend to baby while you're out and about. For me, the double buggy was less about walking and more to have somewhere to strap him down into so I knew he was safe while I dealt with DC2.

I made a big effort to get rid of bottles, dummies etc before DC2 was born. I didn't push potty training until DC1 was almost 3. It is a lot of change coming for your eldest and its normal to regress, so I wouldn't push it right now.

One of the best things DH and I did was tag team with the kids. So one would take DC1 for the day and the other would take DC2 for the day when we could. That way, both kids got one to one time with a parent. I also make sure DC1 had my undivided attention when DC2 was napping etc. That helped with making sure he felt secure etc.

3yrs here and absolutely the perfecr age gap imho! Not too close (dreaded 18months) that they fight/try and compete and yet close enough they're not at completely different stages as they grow up.

If youre due september then youve got a while to settle in. We tried not to make any big changes in the first few months after so I would work on bottle and potty now if you can.

Also why are you doing private and then school nursery? Thats a lot to deal with in one day. I would see what the school set up is (is it half day every day?) And just stick with that. Or just stick with the private nursery (they follow the same curriculum). I wouldn't have 2 separate ones and also a handover in between if you can avoid it.