Anyone had a three year age gap and can answer some practical questions?

[Yebbie]

Second pregnancy gone terrifyingly quick, being distracted by a toddler I almost forgot I was pregnant for weeks at a time!

I'm now of course panicking that I'm unprepared.

My not quite 3 year old (will be 3 the week baby is due.. because of course) is relatively good at walking, fully capable, somewhat lazy and does still use a buggy sometimes and a trike for dog walks if we want to do any considerable distance. Dh saying definitely don't double buggy, but I'll be the one dealing with the reality of it.. so, double buggy? Did you/didn't you?

Nappies.. after an initial phase of him basically potty training himself, started taking his nappy off when he needed a pee or poo, was using potty most of the time at home and at nursery he has completely stopped for 4 months now. Just started refusing. Is fully back in nappies and won't even humour sitting on the potty. Do I start trying to encourage more? I really would like him out of nappies by the time baby comes but I don't want to pile on the pressure and scare him off!

Bottles. Also trying to wean him off a night time bottle? Again I feel mean but he really should of stopped at 2 according to what I read online. I worry about him not brushing his teeth after it, we brush them in the morning and before bottle (I know not good, but if we brush his teeth after he wakes up and it takes hours to settle him again, or another bottle..) is this a bit mean?

Also school, he will be starting school so soon after baby's arrival and I'm worried about too much change too quickly, guessing others with 3 year gap have had this? Any tips to help the transition?

Just anything to help prepare him, and me I guess! I'm panicking!

I had 2yrs 9 months between my two but dc1 was potty trained and using cups at 2. I had a single buggy with a buggy board but I also used a sling for the baby if the toddler was tired and needed the buggy. I also had a wrist strap which was useful in crowded areas.

I must admit I would concentrate on potty training as I think they will very much be in the minority of still being in nappies at 3 at pre school. How long have you got til the new baby arrives? Do you have time to spend the next couple of weeks trying to crack it before the baby arrives?

I’ve just been having a bit of think about your situation and obviously it’s over the internet so it’s hard to tell but it sounds like maybe you are both not ready for school nursery. It is a commitment to go everyday, especially afternoon nursery. If he is a rising 3 starting after Easter, there is no need to start then, you can say he is not ready yet and start him in September.

And yes we didnt get double buggy but we use a sling for first 6 months or so and we didnt use a buggy much at 3. I think this completely depends on your personal set up and how often/where you walk etc.

We also made a lot special with child 1 after the birth and kept storytimes at night with them, planned a fiddlebox for when I was feeding, talked a lot about what it would be like.

Many many mums suddenly think their first is "grown up" and focus on the baby (probably evolutionary) as they seems so big compared to a baby but do remember they are only 3!

Yes I would be tempted to stick to private nursery for the flexibility. Also school nurseries can have some downsides as well as plus .

Double buggy can be a pain but do have there uses we got a secondhand one looked like new and occasionally used that . But felt it would of been massive waste of money to buy a new one .
got secondhand buggy board TBh that want a great success he didn't like it solid for what we paid for it .

In terms of school nursery, they probably will want them there every day. It is much more school like in that respect. They will likely also expect them to be pretty much independent in using toilet. They have different staff ratios (1 adult to 13 with a qualified teacher) so won't have time for lots of nappy changes. I understand your concern here. My DD was potty trained at 2.5. My DS has just turned 3 and is still struggling. Luckily we had decided to wait until Sept for nursery so we have some time!

I had 3 years between mine and didn't have a double buggy, but DD had pretty much refused one since turning 2. It does depend on your lifestyle though. She was scooting happily to school nursery by 3.5, I can't remember when she started.

If you do a lot of walking you might need a double buggy. I had a 2yr 10 month gap between mine and didn't get one because we live in a rural area and do a lot of driving. There were definitely times when I wished we had one! If you are waking to and from nursery it will make your life easier.
I had a buggy board for the times I was walking around town. This was fine for 10-15 mins, but any longer and my 3 year old would feel tired standing on it. Worth trying though, and you can sell them easily afterwards.
Friends of mine swear by slings, but I tried one and didn't like it at all. If you can get a sling to work that might be the best option for the first year - by which time your older child will be 4 and probably ok to walk alongside your younger child in the buggy.
Lots of options, but no 'right' answer - you have to find what works best for you.

I think it will depend on your child and your lifestyle whether you need a double buggy. Some kids are happy on scooters or walking at that age, some take a bit longer or are still having naps regularly. And depends how far you regularly walk, on what terrain, whether you'd feel comfortable with a little one on a scooter etc.
I also had a buggy board on a pushchair but found it really hard work, it kept bashing my shins! pushing 2 in the Phil and Ted's was far easier.

We did a sling and a buggy board. Just watch out for runners, my older one legged it a few times and it was VERY stressful.

No help on milk as we never did that.

Potty training we started as he turned 3 (age gap a month bigger than your yours). It was a breeze, one day of pure hell then he had it within a couple of days.

You'll be fine, we had our second during week one of the first lockdown so nursery shut for months and it was really hard but doable. It's a lovely gap now.

Yup I was thinking in terms of ratios there are less adults and a lot more expectation on the kids to conform (to uniform/timetable/join in with assembly). Less adults to "help. "
Expectation of drop off and pick up at exactly the right time like school.

If you have the choice to stay in private nursery and with a newborn Id be tempted to skip the school nursery as less practical. You can double check but isually it wont make any difference to primary admissions.

Yes. Did not do double buggie. Added a buggy board which worked a treat.

I had a 2yrs 9 months gap. The oldest was already potty trained & stopped bottles & dummy.

I just used a buggy board but she was a good walker. Kept her at nursery for most of the week.

Also I did potty train DC1 when DC2 was tiny. They decided they didn’t want to wear nappies anymore.

It would be worth cracking pre-September as the school nursery won’t expect to change nappies unless perhaps the children have SEN. They will also expect them there every day. It’s much more like school.

Eek about school nursery not dealing with nappies unless SEN. He has no special needs, his speech is great and he can communicate really well. We talk about when he's out of nappies he will wear big boy pants and he always says he wants paw patrol pants when he uses the potty but trying to get him to actually do it he says no, I'm a little boy, I want nappy. We've got him a sticker chart, paw patrol toilet seat as well as regular potty and he just won't humour it. To be honest I'd be fine with him staying his nursery instead of starting the half days but I don't think I could afford to keep him private. I need the free school nursery whilst on maternity pay and after maternity leave baby will be in private nursery and I can't afford both

Ah my mistake don't the free sessions apply wherever you choose?

Oh maybe? I honestly don't have a clue how it works I can't seem to wrap my head around it, I think I'll contact the school next week. I looked into the 30 free hours thing and it baffled me as school seemed to come out the hours even though it's already free? I can't wrap my head around it all

I would definitely avoid anything that involves pressure on the 3yo to achieve anything he isn't already doing comfortably - so no potty training, no expecting him to walk etc. He might even regress a bit, and that will be fine.

Not sure I'd recommend a double buggy, but some sort of solution to not having to walk as per pp. it's much more usual/comfortable for children to do these things between 3 and 4, at which point they can manage it themselves on their own timelines without time pressures.

Your DC will be far more settled in one nursery. School nurseries generally now only have one intake in September, children go every day and as others have said, would expect all children unless SEN to be out of nappies. If you are starting in September you have all summer to get DC out of nappies. It is much easier when they can run around with less clothes on. If there is an odd child starting in nappies, from experience I found within a matter of weeks they learnt very quickly on seeing the others using the toilet. School nurseries just don't have the staff to spend time changing nappies. It depends what works best for you and what child care you will need after your maternity leave.

Oh sorry, I forgot, the one thing I would do if you've got a bit of time is drop the bottle. I would focus on that alone.

He can't go to just one nursery unfortunately I need wrap around on 3 days which his current nursery provides. He is very settled and happy in his nursery and he'd go on a mini bus with his friends to and from the half days so I'm hoping he will cope ok, I thought it might be a better transition to do both for a while so he has the familiarity of the wrap around from his current nursery and gets used to the primary ready for starting full days next year? The alternative is if funded keep him in just his private nursery but won't it be more of a shock to the system suddenly leaving to go to primary full time when he's 4?

Agree with others not to get a double buggy. I already had one as I had 2 older children 18 months apart, but I never used it with dc3 and dc4 who were 2 yrs 11 mths apart. It may be you could carry baby in a sling though personally I would want the 3 year old walking and not offer them a get out clause. I'd rather limit activities where walking is required than let them think at 3 that they aren't old enough to walk.

Ditto the bottle too, I'm afraid. I would ditch them now in favour of a sippy cup if necessary or try using a straw (I remember mine loved straws) but preferably just use an ordinary cup.

The nappy thing is harder as mine were all quite resistant to potty training. I'd aim to get it cracked this summer before school but not immediately after the arrival of the baby. 3 or 4 months can be a long time in the life of a toddler so you should have time for him to adjust to the baby before he has to be sorted for school.

OP are you in England? If so, regarding the funding, your DS is presumably eligible for 30 hour funding. The school nursery will use 15 hours of this for an afternoon place. So you will have 15 hours left for the private nursery (less per week if it's all year round not just term time). In England, you will need to apply for this each term.

If you chose to use just the private nursery, you could use all 30 hours here. It is possible this will cost a bit more due to complexities with the funding, but should reduce your bill lots. (The funding provided doesn't cover costs so nurseries may charge more for additional hours, lunch etc). The advantage of this option is you may be able to use all your hours on your work days, which depending on how the nursery do things, may make things cheaper. (But may not due to previously mentioned funding issues!)

Do you have a plan for the school holidays? Will he be able to go to the private nursery for the extra afternoons once you are back at work?

It sounds like you have a plan in place you are happy with, but just check you are happy with the 'terms' of the school place. Is this for an April or Sept start?

I'm a bit confused about the 'school' thing. Is it a nursery attached to the school he'll be going to when he starts Primary?

Most kids go to a pre-school or nursery until just before they start school then there is a bit of settling in between nursery and school (this is what mine did). They didn't attend 'school' before they were Primary age and this is normal afaik, but there is a private school where I live where they have an attached nursery too.

Funded hours should apply to all pre-school age places.

@Yebbie

He can't go to just one nursery unfortunately I need wrap around on 3 days which his current nursery provides. He is very settled and happy in his nursery and he'd go on a mini bus with his friends to and from the half days so I'm hoping he will cope ok, I thought it might be a better transition to do both for a while so he has the familiarity of the wrap around from his current nursery and gets used to the primary ready for starting full days next year? The alternative is if funded keep him in just his private nursery but won't it be more of a shock to the system suddenly leaving to go to primary full time when he's 4?

When is he due to start nursery? How old is he now? I’m sure you said he has or is just about to turn 3.

If he is starting school nursery Easter 2022 then he will do 4 terms and start reception year at school in September 2023.

3 year 2 month age gap.
I would definitely advise against a double buggy. We used a sling loads so on the occasions we needed to put the 3yo in the buggy it was fine. But that didn’t happen very often tbh. Good to build up their stamina by this age I think. Buggy board if you’re worried?

Nappies: if you’ve not long to go, I wouldn’t push this. Ours regressed anyway once the baby arrived. You don’t want to really try only for any progress to be lost.