Booster seat - I’m worried I’ve offend my friend.

[PaddlingLikeADuck]

I have an 8 year old son who uses a high backed booster seat.

Today he’s going to a party and a friend of mine (the mother of his school friend who is also going to the party) offered to drive him there as I am unable to.

Anyway, when she came to the house I picked up my son’s car seat with the intention to put it in her car and she told me not to worry as she already has a spare in her car. She then went on to say that she doesn’t use the high back boosters and just uses the booster as a stand alone unit.

I told her that I would much prefer my son to be in a HBB seat as I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to him in an accident (it’s a 20 minute drive down the motorway) and so could I just put his seat in her car.

She obviously let me but she looked really startled and I’m worried I’ve offended her or she thinks I was judging her own choices in car seats (I really wasn’t).

A friend of mine had her daughter on a standard booster seat a few years ago (she was 7) and she died in a car accident due to a forceful head injury she received against the inside of her car door when they were crashed into.

I have never forgotten the utter tragedy of it and so car safety is a massive thing for me, including the protection offered to the head that HBB provide.

After my friend and the children had left I felt so guilty in case I had offended her but like I said, I would never have forgiven myself if something had happened to him when I’d let him use a booster seat just because I was too worried to speak out.

Did I overreact?

Next time, don’t bother justifying your choice. Just say, ‘I prefer to use his own seat’. ‘Mine like the booster’ ´No, I really want him to use his own seat.’ Etc.
Explaining why doesn’t help, because it shows you think what she’s choosing to do is unsafe.

Well she’s just text me to say it was fine, and then to ask if it was okay to bring him back late as a group of them are planning on going to McDonalds once the party finished.

So hopefully all is fine.

She’s a lovely friend which is why I was so worried about offending her. It seems all is well though thankfully.

Stop overthinking and over justifying! Next time you could end up digging a whole and making it much worse

I have just ordered a high back booster as a result of this thread, thanks all. I wasn't happy about the cushion seat we had (we were given it) because it's useless if kids fall asleep but felt like I was being a worry wort. Didn't realise they aren't OK for her age group, despite having weighed and measured her it read like it was ok. Should have trusted my gut.

You weren't being unreasonable OP.

OP please stop overthinking this!

It is not a big deal, and the other mum probably didn't give it another thought after she drove off. If you ruminate about it and keep bringing it up, THEN she will think you are weird.

[quote BertieBotts]I actually didn’t even know that it’s legal to just use the seat - I genuinely thought children had to be in HBB until a certain age?

This is true but

1. Only for booster seats sold since 2017. Anything older can legally be used from 15kg/3yo (even though this is strongly no longer advised).

1. Your 8yo is probably over the minimum guidance for using a booster cushion, most 8yos are. 125cm and 22kg.

Here is some information from Which?

www.which.co.uk/news/2021/08/are-parents-getting-the-message-about-backless-booster-seats/[/quote]

This is baffling to me. I live in Canada now where the minimum age for a booster of any sort is their 4th birthday but they also have to be 40lbs or 18kg. DSS was nearly 6 before he hit the weight requirement to come out of a 5 point harness. DS is almost 4 and 15kg and I can't imagine moving him to a booster. He seems so little still.

DS is almost 4 and 15kg and I can't imagine moving him to a booster. He seems so little still.

I’ve also got a 4.5 year old and he still rear faces but a few weeks ago he had to go forward facing in another person’s car and even though he was still in a 5 point harness (as opposed to the use of the car seatbelt) he still looked too small to be forward facing.

He’s quite small though, maybe hovering around the 13-14kg point.

And although I felt a bit twitchy about it he absolutely loved the experience. Although he did keep moaning that he missed looking out the back window

The problem is 18kg is the max on the vast majority of our harnessed seats, so having the minimum at 18kg wouldn't work because you can physically outgrow an 18kg limit seat before you're 18kg in weight as they are designed up to a body height of approx 105cm. The boundaries were set up in the 80s, and at that time you could use an adult seatbelt style seat for a one year old (oh but don't worry, you could lock the seatbelt so it didn't move so that was fine then ). It's quite outdated now, and thankfully those seatbelt-positioner seats are not legal any more, but it the old weight categories are being replaced with a new law, however this isn't any better for booster seats as the minimum has just been changed to height which is 100cm - quite an average height for a 3.5yo!

(NB there are larger harnessed/rear facing seats available, but less commonly found and people often don't know they exist).

But there is a cultural difference between the Nordic countries and North America anyway where Sweden (etc) tend to feel that once you're forward facing, it's safer to be restrained by a seatbelt than a 5 point harness. I think that's why we keep the low minimum age for boosters. Or maybe nobody cares? Certainly it is still a cultural norm to use them for 3 year olds. To be perfectly honest I am still waiting for a comparative study between booster and forward facing 5 point harness. I am so curious about what the data actually says here. There seems to be an assumption that 5 point harness is safer, but there doesn't seem to be any data to back any of it up.

This is the guidance from the gov website which says from 15kg (group 2) children can be in a high back booster OR booster cushion but at the bottom says any newly manufactured booster cushions should be sold for group 3 which is 22kg- 36kg.
It’s really confusing!
Dd is in a high back booster but I have a spare booster cushion for other peoples kids but I would be more than happy to have their car seat and always suggest that!