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Parenting

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Original poster

Toddler bit another child really badly

29 replies

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 14:46

My toddlers bit his friend who is a young toddler, really badly. I don't know what happened, I wasn't supervising closely enough, and regardless nothing other toddler could of done to warrant such a horrible bite, but I mean I don't know what the trigger was.

I immediately told him off, he wouldn't even make eye contact after he knew he did wrong. I sat down with him and talked to him about how it's never ok to hurt people, even if you're upset or angry etc, I said that his friends won't want to play with him anymore if he bites them. He got upset and said I want my friends to play with me. I said then you can't hurt them. Are you going to hurt your friends again, or are you going to be nice? He said be nice. He went and said sorry. I supervised him closely from that point on, and I'm aware it's my fault for not supervising well enough in the first place. I thought at his age he'd be ok I guess. Lesson learnt. He asked for sweets later on in the morning and was told no, sweets are a nice treat that you can only have if you've been nice, biting your friend wasn't nice. In the car on the way home he announced "I bit friend" I said yes, you did, why did you bite your friend? No sense in response as to what happened but he sat in the car saying "Biting not nice biting made friend cry" and we spoke about how yes it did make his friend cry, friend might have to go to the doctor, can never do it again etc.

I'm just mortified and can't relax I'm worrying whether I've done enough. I don't want to keep going on at him and bringing it back up but I am so upset that it happened and not sure if I'm handling it well enough? Apologised to friend and toddler a million times obviously. Just feeling horrific about it. Have I done enough? Is there anything else I should do? He is not far off 3 so it really is unacceptable and not going to excuse it with age as he's not exactly tiny now and can communicate in other ways. It's not the first time he's ever bitten but it's definitely the most damage he's done and the first time he's done it in many many months.

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JenniferBarkley · 02/03/2022 14:53

Honestly, most of them bite and are bitten at some stage. You haven't said his age, but most young toddlers won't connect biting their friend in the morning with not getting sweets in the evening. Tbh I think you've gone OTT here more than not doing enough.

It's hopefully a one off. I'd let it go now, keep an eye and just hope it doesn't happen again. If he is a young toddler it's unlikely he realises it's bold or that it's painful for the other child etc. He's just teething or frustrated or whatever.

Original poster

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 14:54

He's nearly 3, he's not quite young enough for it to be an excuse, he can talk well and communicate. But thanks I'd rather of gone over the top then not done enough so atleast I can worry less about that

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SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2022 14:55

How bad is the bite op and what has your friend said. How old is baby?

They have such short memories, leave it now and next time do a generic "kind hands, mouth to ourselves" thing and watch him closer.

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Original poster

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 14:56

It didn't puncture the skin but was about as bad as you could get without puncturing the skin

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Kanaloa · 02/03/2022 14:58

Having worked in childcare I can assure you your child isn’t a monster or a bully or anything. As mortifying as it is for the parents, biting happens! And it’s not naughty children who bite, it’s just a thing kids sometimes do.

I wouldn’t go over the top and make it a huge thing. Just supervise him more closely when he’s playing with others for the next few weeks to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Bornsloppy · 02/03/2022 14:59

It's done, he's been told off, you've talked about it. No point in keep labouring the message.

I'd praise him next time he does good playing or something kind for another person so he can get that positive response.

girlmom21 · 02/03/2022 15:00

At almost 3 they absolutely can link behaviour in the day to punishment later on. You've handled it well OP. You can't be close enough to stop every physical interaction whilst allowing them space for social development. Don't blame yourself.

MyDcAreMarvel · 02/03/2022 15:00

Done enough? You did too much, telling him his friends wont want to play with him and not letting him have sweets at a later time were both inappropriate.
I don’t understand why you would be happier being emotionally abusive to your child with the friend comments than not?

girlmom21 · 02/03/2022 15:01

@MyDcAreMarvel

Done enough? You did too much, telling him his friends wont want to play with him and not letting him have sweets at a later time were both inappropriate. I don’t understand why you would be happier being emotionally abusive to your child with the friend comments than not?

It's not emotionally abusive to tell a child their friends won't want to play with them if they hurt them.

LadyEloise1 · 02/03/2022 15:04

@girlmom21
I agree with you that it's not emotionally abusive to tell a child their friends won't want to play with them if they bite.
It's a fact.

CarbonelCat · 02/03/2022 15:04

Try if you can to leave it there.

Your child is not on any way a bad person and at that age has a very shaky grasp on actions and consequences. I had a biter and I used to feel like you but I look back now and see that she was a baby herself and I was probably more motivated by being seen to discipline her and worry about what she might turn into than her needs and feelings at the time.

There are whole chapters on biting in toddler parenting books. They're there because loads of toddlers bite for a bit. There are not chapters on biting in books about parenting teens, because loads grow out of it.

Original poster

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 15:04

I wasn't emotionally abusive. I said your friends won't want to play with you if you bite, not aggressively I said it in a gentle tone. He understood what I meant and has been saying no bite friends, not kind. So he isn't traumatised or abused, I'm not taunting him saying no one likes you ha ha, I'm being honest with him that if he hurts people they won't want to play with him because that is the truth.

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MattHancocksPrivateNurse · 02/03/2022 15:05

@MyDcAreMarvel

Done enough? You did too much, telling him his friends wont want to play with him and not letting him have sweets at a later time were both inappropriate. I don’t understand why you would be happier being emotionally abusive to your child with the friend comments than not?

I disagree I think OP handled it reallly well. He’s nearly 3, you can’t have treats if you’ve bitten a child. And of course his friends won’t play with him if he does it regularly (doesn’t sound like he will). You did well OP try to just move on now.

Original poster

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 15:07

He asked for sweets about half an hour later, it's now been hours and he has mentioned a few times friend sad, I bit friend, so he clearly remembers what happened even now. Of course a nearly 3 year old can understand no you can't have sweets because you did something unkind.

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SingingSands · 02/03/2022 15:08

It's such a hard thing to deal with, but I think you've done enough. He repeated back to you later that he'd hurt his friend so he's obviously thought about it. It's really awful, but he's probably learned his lesson now. And as a previous poster said earlier, it's not uncommon in childcare settings, sometimes it's just one of those things that come out of the blue.

Try to move on now - have a nice bathtime and cuddles tonight, it'll help you both feel better.

CarlCarlson · 02/03/2022 15:09

@Biteytoddler

It didn't puncture the skin but was about as bad as you could get without puncturing the skin

So not bad at all then

Sounds like you dealt with it perfectly

Original poster

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 15:10

It was bad, you could see an indent of every tooth in my toddlers mouth. He must have bitten really hard for it to leave such an indent. Most damage I've ever seen him do

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Original poster

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 15:11

It was on the child's face which made it so much worse. He has bitten a handful of times before but always on the arm, when someone's taken something he wanted or something. I just can't imagine what made him bite a child's face that hard. It's so awful!

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Whatelsecouldibecalled · 02/03/2022 15:12

@Biteytoddler oh dear. Not nice but I think you handled it well!

As the other parent of it were me yes I would be a bit shocked but as long as I know you had dealt with it (which you have!) these things happen! It's awful. But it happens.

You ARE NOT emotionally abusive for correctly explaining actions and consequences. Ignore that post!

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 02/03/2022 15:15

You handled it fine OP, really.

You were not emotionally abusive ffs 🤦‍♀️

As for the comment about most kids have bitten or been bitten, not really. I think parents get pissed off when parents don’t deal with their kids behaviour or minimise it etc. you haven’t done this, your DC knows he has made his friend sad and hurt him, so hopefully won’t do it again, i think you’ve handled it well

TabithaTittlemouse · 02/03/2022 15:18

I think you handled it very well but I would now put it behind you. Don’t mention it unless he does.

I had a friend who’s child was a biter. She handled it awfully and it became such a thing that she stopped taking him out very often which made it worse because he wasn’t socialising!

ClemDanFango · 02/03/2022 15:20

18 months to 3 years is prime age for biting. The reasons for it aren’t often clear which can compound matters.
Give yourself and your boy a break it’s happened and he seems like he has quite good understanding for his age. 2-3 year olds are not well known for controlling their emotions which can result in biting occasionally.
It sounds like he is processing it and realising that it wasn’t ok. Give him lots of hugs and keep demonstrating being gentle and kind, sounds like he is torturing himself over it a bit poor love. Trying times but you will get through it.

CarlCarlson · 02/03/2022 15:28

@Biteytoddler

It was bad, you could see an indent of every tooth in my toddlers mouth. He must have bitten really hard for it to leave such an indent. Most damage I've ever seen him do

It would be impossible to bite anything without leaving marks from teeth

A genuine “bad” bite draws blood and leaves an open wound

JenniferBarkley · 02/03/2022 15:30

Ah ok, if he's nearly three then he'll understand the consequences a little better alright. When you said young toddler, I heard 18mths - 2 years.

I do still think you've done enough though, they have such poor impulse control at that age that they do all sorts of crazy shit without thinking it through. If he does it again then you'll need to come up with a strategy but I'd park it for now.

Original poster

Biteytoddler · 02/03/2022 15:31

Sorry the toddler he bit was the young toddler, mine is older

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