Toddler bit another child really badly

[Biteytoddler]

My toddlers bit his friend who is a young toddler, really badly. I don't know what happened, I wasn't supervising closely enough, and regardless nothing other toddler could of done to warrant such a horrible bite, but I mean I don't know what the trigger was.

I immediately told him off, he wouldn't even make eye contact after he knew he did wrong. I sat down with him and talked to him about how it's never ok to hurt people, even if you're upset or angry etc, I said that his friends won't want to play with him anymore if he bites them. He got upset and said I want my friends to play with me. I said then you can't hurt them. Are you going to hurt your friends again, or are you going to be nice? He said be nice. He went and said sorry. I supervised him closely from that point on, and I'm aware it's my fault for not supervising well enough in the first place. I thought at his age he'd be ok I guess. Lesson learnt. He asked for sweets later on in the morning and was told no, sweets are a nice treat that you can only have if you've been nice, biting your friend wasn't nice. In the car on the way home he announced "I bit friend" I said yes, you did, why did you bite your friend? No sense in response as to what happened but he sat in the car saying "Biting not nice biting made friend cry" and we spoke about how yes it did make his friend cry, friend might have to go to the doctor, can never do it again etc.

I'm just mortified and can't relax I'm worrying whether I've done enough. I don't want to keep going on at him and bringing it back up but I am so upset that it happened and not sure if I'm handling it well enough? Apologised to friend and toddler a million times obviously. Just feeling horrific about it. Have I done enough? Is there anything else I should do? He is not far off 3 so it really is unacceptable and not going to excuse it with age as he's not exactly tiny now and can communicate in other ways. It's not the first time he's ever bitten but it's definitely the most damage he's done and the first time he's done it in many many months.

As for the comment about most kids have bitten or been bitten, not really.

That really is my experience, although mine have been full time in nursery from 10 months so there's been plenty of opportunities. Mine were mostly the bitten, btw, so I've no chip on my shoulder. My eldest never bit and my youngest did once. I never thought anything of it, and certainly didn't judge the parents OP, don't worry.

I think you’ve handled it well OP and I’m glad you didn’t let him have sweets etc. My DD was bitten by an (ex) friend’s child quite a few times as a toddler and my friend used to do lots of showy ‘telling off’ in public - ‘oh dear ‘Georgie’ that’s not nice darling say sorry to toddler inastatus’ - he’d run off without looking back and she would carry on as if nothing had happened.

One time he bit her on the arm so hard (didn’t break skin but it was still bloody bad @CarlCarlson!) that the mark stayed for almost a year! I used to watch like a hawk but it still happened and I still feel guilt to this day about not protecting DD enough from him 🙁

"In the car on the way home he announced "I bit friend" I said yes, you did, why did you bite your friend? No sense in response as to what happened but he sat in the car saying "Biting not nice biting made friend cry" and we spoke about how yes it did make his friend cry, friend might have to go to the doctor, can never do it again etc."

That's heartening. He's thought about it and reflected on the negative consequences for other people ie not just "Biting means I don't get sweets" but "Biting hurts other people". Don't worry too much about the why. My DD - also rising 3- has bitten me a couple of times- once in extremis, once when she was angry but not totally headmelted. She's too young to explain "why" afterwards but the most recent one has pointed out the little bruise on my arm, knows that she caused it by biting me and that it was sore and wants to comfort poor mummy. So slowly connecting the dots.

Oh no! I completely sympathise as my toddler bit for the first time in nursery two weeks ago. He’s been going there since he was a baby and has never done anything like that so I was absolutely mortified.

It was a member of staff he bit, not sure if that makes it worse or not. It broke the skin apparently. He did it randomly, they were all just sat down and he walked over and just bit her there and then on the shoulder.

He has bitten before like your DS but ages ago, when he was maybe just 2 or even younger, and only me and DH once or twice. He’s just turned 3 and no speech delays so like you I thought he’s far too old, what’s wrong with him!

We bought a book, Teeth are not for biting, which he’s obsessed with. We have also clamped down on his violence at home as he was prone to hitting older DC a lot around the time of the bite, and we have been much softer on discipline with him because he’s always been so, ahem, spirited, so we’ve let a lot go. We have done a few time outs for violence that carries on after a warning, and even though poor DS was so distressed during the time outs, I think it might’ve helped as so far so good his violence has been much less!