Playtime - How much should I be doing?

[lwc21]

Hi,

FTM mum here to a my beautiful 6 month old girl. For the last month or so I've been wondering if I'm doing enough "playtime" (one on one encouraging her to engage with toys etc) with her.

I've been feeling a little guilty as it seems she has taken to watching TV as we use it as a way to get things done or fill the time, especially for me during the day to cook dinner or have 5 minutes to eat lunch etc

I've tried setting aside 2-3 half an hour play sessions throughout the day. If I try and do more than half hour she gets bored no matter what activities I choose. I do also try and get her to watch me do household tasks in the carrier/high chair but she hates being restricted or being left to her own devices. Lastly we do go for walks usually anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour each day.

I have social anxiety so sensory classes or socialising with others isn't an option for me. Just looking for reassurance that I'm not hindering her development in any way with TV time etc. She can sit up unaided, grabs, laughs (occasionally ) etc

It's really great that you're setting aside little chunks of 1:1 time with her. 30 mins is long enough for that age. It's tough because they really don't do much independent play at that age! Walks also sound great.

If you really need to put it on to get fthings done, that's one thing. Putting it on to fill the time sounds less great.... especially as it sounds like it might total several you a day?

If you really feel you can't manage a baby group because of your social anxiety, is there a playground nearby? Or soft play?

I hate playing with babies, find it mind numbing my boring tbh, I am autistic though.

With dts at that age we had a couple of 'play sessions' a day, short ones! Most of the time we were out in the park, talking to them, point out stuff to them, give them leaves to hold, or do stuff in the house eg cooking they were in their chairs in the kitchen and they had a couple of spoons or plastic bowls to play with etc or reading to them.

Once they got a little older we did swimming (solo, not in a class), and eventually joined a twin playgroup where everyone was so busy with their own twins I didn't really have to talk to anyone!

Actual playing wasn't for me.

@TinyTeacher

It's really great that you're setting aside little chunks of 1:1 time with her. 30 mins is long enough for that age. It's tough because they really don't do much independent play at that age! Walks also sound great.

If you really need to put it on to get fthings done, that's one thing. Putting it on to fill the time sounds less great.... especially as it sounds like it might total several you a day?

If you really feel you can't manage a baby group because of your social anxiety, is there a playground nearby? Or soft play?

Yeah, it is a lot of time, how much I'm not sure but I don't feel great about it.

The things you've mentioned are other types of play and unfortunately I know she would get bored. I've already tried taking her to the local park and she's too small for anything and just gets bored. Soft play would probably involve an element of being around and socialising with other people.

At home we have a great set up but as I say she gets bored. Is it literally that we're supposed to spend all their waking hours playing with them then?

@nearlyspringyay

I hate playing with babies, find it mind numbing my boring tbh, I am autistic though.

With dts at that age we had a couple of 'play sessions' a day, short ones! Most of the time we were out in the park, talking to them, point out stuff to them, give them leaves to hold, or do stuff in the house eg cooking they were in their chairs in the kitchen and they had a couple of spoons or plastic bowls to play with etc or reading to them.

Once they got a little older we did swimming (solo, not in a class), and eventually joined a twin playgroup where everyone was so busy with their own twins I didn't really have to talk to anyone!

Actual playing wasn't for me.

Thank you!

I do find the play a little boring too especially with her at this stage, I do preserve though but she eventually gets so antsy!

I just can't see how anyone else fills the time with constant play, my baby won't have it!

God im hoping my second child is like this. My first you couldnt do anything but give her 100 percent of your attention all day everyday. Otherwise she would cry. The idea of having a child where you actually have to actively schedule time to play with them leaves me incredibly jealous! Enjoy it while it lasts ahah

There is a school of thought that actually taking a back seat and not interfering/intervening with babies and young children's play is very beneficial to them. Look up heuristic play and treasure baskets.
You don't ignore them completely! You give them toys or interesting objects to explore and sit close by so they know you are there, but you only interact if they initiate it, by showing you something for example.
If she's not used to playing like this she might only manage a few minutes, but it's worth persevering with for developing independent play skills as they get older.

Hi Op,

The play time with babies is hard! I don't structure anything, I usually give her things to investigate and if she starts to fuss I will play with her. She gets bored quickly with her toys. Saucepans and spoons, crinkly crisp packets etc can sometimes buy some time. I am quite introverted with some social anxiety but find structured baby classes help enormously and once I've been once and can visualise it it isn't so hard. Can someone go with you the first time when its at its most daunting? The council has lots of free things on here and it gives us something to structure the day around.

I'm no expert (FTM to 7mo DD) but here are some ideas:

I know you've said you can't go to groups but could you manage going to the library and read some books there? Ours also do a nursery rhyme session where there's little to no socialising needed, I sing along to the rhymes but if that fills you with dread I don't think it would be noticed if you just joined in the actions.

Have you started weaning yet, I find I have more time to eat now my DD is in her highchair munching on something whilst I eat!

I also find that presenting toys in different ways can stop boredom, most of the time I'll just put a few different things around her in a circle, other times in a basket and other times in a little pile under a sheer scarf.

Some baby classes went online during lockdown, one local to me still have videos up on Facebook, I did one with my DD and she loved it, it's screen time again but different to just watching TV.

As a last resort we have a bath together as I can stretch that out to a good half an hour or so.

Have you started weaning? I feel like that fills a lot of time especially if you do a bit of baby led.

How will deal with your social anxiety when your little girl needs to interact with others?? While she’s little and you can do baby groups where it’s much easier just to drop a conversation to go running after a baby would
Be a very good place to start working on it. If your social anxiety is that bad it will have a huge impact on her growing up if you don’t start working on it now

At home we have a great set up but as I say she gets bored
Its good for her to be bored, rather than putting the TV on you could just put some toys around her (if she is sitting or rolling) and let her investigate at her own speed while you get on with something else.

Op, just thought I started taking my daughter swimming at 6 months and also the park on the slide, swing and big swing thing they can lie down on. I'm a bit socially awkward at times... but I do loads of classes which she loves! Most people are awkward in my opinion and they're not there to make friends just for the babies to play. You could always ask the organiser if introducing yourself is part of the class... and if so, don't sign up to that one. Anyway, not trying to make you go to a class but really at mine no one really talks. Or maybe I have a bitch face that no one wants to talk to

Treasure baskets to explore can be good can leave her to it if she lets you - a few ideas of random baskets I did.

Red/Yellow/blue etc toys
Circle/square/triangle toys
Shiny items
Underwater basket - sea creatures and related books
Farm basket - farm animals and related books
Musical instruments
Nursery rhyme items
Wooden items
Balls
Socks/soft items
Teddy bears
Fruits/Vegetables
Spoons

@Movingonup22

How will deal with your social anxiety when your little girl needs to interact with others?? While she’s little and you can do baby groups where it’s much easier just to drop a conversation to go running after a baby would Be a very good place to start working on it. If your social anxiety is that bad it will have a huge impact on her growing up if you don’t start working on it now

Such a reassuring post. I'm sure OP will appreciate it.

It's great for them to be bored! You don't have to be engaging with them and entertaining them all the time. A bit of grizzling is fine too. Just involve them in what you're doing - if they won't sit in a bouncy chair etc then try bringing the high chair into kitchen (if there's room) and giving them a piece of apple etc to squish on the tray whilst you cook. Sit them next to dishwasher and talk about what you're doing (I felt a right prat narrating unloading the dishwasher but she seemed to enjoy it) and give them things like wooden spoons, plastic sieves to wave around. I used to sit mine at the end of the bath or in the shower cubicle whilst I got washed once she could sit up and she'd splash around, catch bubbles etc. All of this is play and learning for them!

You don't need the TV on at all, my DH is v anti-screens so DD never saw any TV until she was about 18mo. That's probably a bit extreme but she's now v good at occupying herself and playing independently so I think it helped.

We used to do things like a walk with the pushchair, stopping somewhere she could get out so the library in wet weather, somewhere grassy when it's warmer. That breaks it up a bit.

If she's six months then just do meals at the same time as her, then you don't have to find time to eat yours separately. Mine had a mixture of purée and finger food, based on what we were eating so she enjoyed squishing and eating some of it whilst I ate mine.

I also suffer from social anxiety but I have managed to force myself to join a mommy & baby group for my son’s benefit. I struggled with my anxiety around new people my whole life which stems from childhood and I am determined to set my son to become well adjusted and if that means feeling awkward around strangers for his sake, then so be it.
You might just meet a like-minded mommy, I find that most mums feel uncomfortable at these groups to start with.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you!

Fellow FTM to a 6 month old here!

My son isn't really interested in TV, which is a bit of a shame sometimes, as it means he can be quite hard work. If I thought he really enjoyed watching TV, it would be hard to turn it off on him. So don't feel bad about wanting your little one to enjoy herself. What sort of things is she watching, out of curiosity? Is it always on in the background, or just at specific times?

I've found my kid really loves exhausting expressive play. So lots of theatrical singing/dancing to music, and also making him do dances to music too (energetic ones in particular where he gets jostled around a lot). Baby songs like incy wincy spider (lots of tickling) and the grand old duke of York (gets thrown about a bit) are top tier bangers for him. Jumping out from behind the door and going Boo! Over and over again. Covering him with a muslin and then pulling it off Peekaboo style (again, over and over). Pretending to eat him. Talking to his feet as if they were a telephone. Raspberries on his belly and feet, etc... Oh, and we've very recently delved into touchy feely books (donated by his big sister), which mainly just get slapped and gnawed.

I don't think I could do 2 straight hours or more of that though, I tend to pepper it throughout the day.

I have never been desperate to go to baby classes either, I can rarely manage to get us both properly organised and out of the house on time for things like that. One or both of us is either hungry or tired when we get there, and it's not enjoyable. It's easier to properly meet everyones needs best at home when they're this young, I think.

I agree that weaning becomes the biggest time filler, though. It ticks a lot of boxes for their development if you think about it; Sensory play with textures/smells/tastes, fine motor skills practice, lots of eye contact and one and one time with you.

Oh I've just seen you didn't mean you set aside 2 hours straight for play time! You said half an hour segments. That sounds a lot more reasonable in terms of expectations for you both.

I just spent time encouraging my DC to roll over, then crawl and then eventually walk. This took the form of building towers to knock down, assault courses of toys to reach out for and examine. Never really used TV.

Baby should be fine to potter on herself, soon enough with a bunch of random items.
I often change “location” and pop baby with different things , emoti wash basket, empty bath, in jumperoo , in the sling ..

And I’m afraid social anxiety is not an excuse to not go take her places - baby needs to socialise.
You can go to classes and not stay for the tea n biscuits, or you should put baby into nursery for an afternoon-I’m only being harsh because there’s no avoiding it ,really! The babies end up with better spagbol lives than us!
Once she’s able to lift and play with her toys you’ll be less guilty leaving her to go stick a wash on

*social lives hahah not spag bol , although that’s good for messy play!

Have you found ‘The Baby Club’ in iplayer. I follow that with dd : hello song, what’s in the bag; story; thickly song; bubbles.

I also use CBeebies ‘Daydreams’.for calm time.

I agree it's good for them to be "bored". Giving her a range of toys on rotation every few minutes with sensory play is much better than passive TV to occupy her. The WHO do not recommend any screen time at her age.

@Yellowsubhubabubbub

Baby should be fine to potter on herself, soon enough with a bunch of random items. I often change “location” and pop baby with different things , emoti wash basket, empty bath, in jumperoo , in the sling ..

And I’m afraid social anxiety is not an excuse to not go take her places - baby needs to socialise.
You can go to classes and not stay for the tea n biscuits, or you should put baby into nursery for an afternoon-I’m only being harsh because there’s no avoiding it ,really! The babies end up with better spagbol lives than us!
Once she’s able to lift and play with her toys you’ll be less guilty leaving her to go stick a wash on

Baby is 6 months old and does not need to 'socialise' with strangers! How weird to suggest a baby that can't yet talk, share, or anything of that nature needs to socialise with anyone other than their primary caregivers. 6 month olds do not need to be in nursery! What if she is breastfed? Where have you got this nonsense from?