Playtime - How much should I be doing?

[lwc21]

Hi,

FTM mum here to a my beautiful 6 month old girl. For the last month or so I've been wondering if I'm doing enough "playtime" (one on one encouraging her to engage with toys etc) with her.

I've been feeling a little guilty as it seems she has taken to watching TV as we use it as a way to get things done or fill the time, especially for me during the day to cook dinner or have 5 minutes to eat lunch etc

I've tried setting aside 2-3 half an hour play sessions throughout the day. If I try and do more than half hour she gets bored no matter what activities I choose. I do also try and get her to watch me do household tasks in the carrier/high chair but she hates being restricted or being left to her own devices. Lastly we do go for walks usually anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour each day.

I have social anxiety so sensory classes or socialising with others isn't an option for me. Just looking for reassurance that I'm not hindering her development in any way with TV time etc. She can sit up unaided, grabs, laughs (occasionally ) etc

Personally, I would avoid putting TV on for the baby and encourage lots of "pottering"/playing independently. Switch locations if they are getting grumpy.

So maybe do 10-15 minutes of playing/singing/reading books, then let your baby roll around on the floor with some toys for 15/20 minutes while you do something else (in the same room).

At that age the day is basically:
Milk feed
Breakfast together
Get dressed
Little bit of playing
Nap
Milk feed
Go for a walk
Roll around on the floor while you prepare
Lunch
Nap
Milk feed
Little bit of playing
Roll around on the floor
Nap
Milk feed
Little bit of playing
Roll around on the floor
Tea
Bath
Milk feed
Bed
and so on....

When mine were little I would move them about so S not to get bored. So it would be time on the door bouncer (in the room where I was doing jobs), we had a baby walker (frowned on I know) but great for being upright not needing me - tray full of toys and in the room I was in (couldn't move it at this age but loved to be in it, time in high chair, time with me on floor etc wherever they were I used to keep topping up the toys/books etc obviously then we would have time playing together too but generally as long as I could see them and I kept up the constant chatter of what I was doing they were happy not to have me always directly playing with them.

Wow. Completely shocked and appalled at the two people who have essentially attacked me regarding my anxiety. Clearly coming from two people who have no idea what severe anxiety is like. Definitely not an EXCUSE to not take my baby out, how disgusting to say!

I came here for support not to be judged for my mental health. I would encourage people to be mindful of what they say as you never know what people are going through behind closed doors or why they are the way they are.

For reference I've had an incredibly traumatic childhood including attempted suicides from my mother and a father who beat us. Despite that I am trying to do the best with my daughter and have the wholesome loving family I never had.

Never coming on here for advice again

@DonnyBurrito exactly, and she is exclusively breastfed which I am incredibly proud of. She won't take bottles either and not all of us can afford nursery. Shocked at the other persons comment

@DonnyBurrito

Fellow FTM to a 6 month old here!

My son isn't really interested in TV, which is a bit of a shame sometimes, as it means he can be quite hard work. If I thought he really enjoyed watching TV, it would be hard to turn it off on him. So don't feel bad about wanting your little one to enjoy herself. What sort of things is she watching, out of curiosity? Is it always on in the background, or just at specific times?

I've found my kid really loves exhausting expressive play. So lots of theatrical singing/dancing to music, and also making him do dances to music too (energetic ones in particular where he gets jostled around a lot). Baby songs like incy wincy spider (lots of tickling) and the grand old duke of York (gets thrown about a bit) are top tier bangers for him. Jumping out from behind the door and going Boo! Over and over again. Covering him with a muslin and then pulling it off Peekaboo style (again, over and over). Pretending to eat him. Talking to his feet as if they were a telephone. Raspberries on his belly and feet, etc... Oh, and we've very recently delved into touchy feely books (donated by his big sister), which mainly just get slapped and gnawed.

I don't think I could do 2 straight hours or more of that though, I tend to pepper it throughout the day.

I have never been desperate to go to baby classes either, I can rarely manage to get us both properly organised and out of the house on time for things like that. One or both of us is either hungry or tired when we get there, and it's not enjoyable. It's easier to properly meet everyones needs best at home when they're this young, I think.

I agree that weaning becomes the biggest time filler, though. It ticks a lot of boxes for their development if you think about it; Sensory play with textures/smells/tastes, fine motor skills practice, lots of eye contact and one and one time with you.

Thank you. I'm sorry I'm so dismayed by the other responses I don't have the capacity to fully reply. But when she watches TV she loves little baby bum.

Hi OP, absolutely ignore anyone who says your baby needs to be ‘socialised’ at 6 months, that is an absolute nonsense and gets peddled around due to mum-guilt regarding going back to work and needing to use childcare. I’m sure you’re doing brilliantly. I would try and limit screen time though if I were you. Everyone I know who had the tv on a lot when their kids were babies can’t get their young kids to sit still now 😂 mine never had tv but now will sit transfixed for a full 2-hour film and not move a muscle which is a very handy parenting tool now that they’re a bit older! The play thing changes all the time, honestly in a few weeks she’ll react totally differently to the same games as she’s developing and changing all the time. I know it can be a bit tedious now but it’s so worth it when they start interacting more and learning shapes, colours etc, it really doesn’t take long. I find 9-12 months a really amazing stage for development and then after that it’s just exponential. If you get into the habit of too much tv now I think you’ll miss a lot of the amazing stuff that’s going to happen in just a few short weeks. Persevere!

We used to spend a lot of time dancing at that age, I would hold her and dance around the room to all my favourite songs. It was really good for my mood, good exercise and she loved it too! Both my DC absolutely love music now and we dance every day! They’ve got a good broad taste in music now too so we don’t just have to listen to kids music all day 😂 although I did used to lie them on my knee as babies and put on the Singing Kettle and sing along and do actions. That can easily take up half an hour 😂

[quote lwc21]@DonnyBurrito exactly, and she is exclusively breastfed which I am incredibly proud of. She won't take bottles either and not all of us can afford nursery. Shocked at the other persons comment [/quote]
You should be very proud, that's a very difficult thing to achieve in this day and age as there's so little support and information given by health care professionals. I think it's good for maternal mental health too, personally! So definitely don't do anything that could mess that feeding relationship up for the sake of thinking you need to be shipping your daughter out to regular 'social' events. Just ignore that. All experts agree that until they're 2, all they need is their family.

I was wondering what she watches as I feel like some of the kids programmes are too much, people say 'oh they're educational!' but it's basically just chaotic nonsense for a baby. It's very unlikely they're learning anything from them like a toddler would, and I worry it might effect attention span. Little Babybum isn't too terrible though and that's the only thing I feel comfortable putting on too, or something realistic with minimal talking like Blue Planet. Again though, if I felt like he really enjoyed it I know I'd end up using it more. Don't feel bad about it, it's easily done.

Do you have a garden? I bought a big 3x4m tarp for the grass for the rare occasion when it's sunny, I sit him up with some toys on there for him to chew. Gets him a touch of Vitamin D, too.

Here's a link to a load of playtime ideas that are age specific too:

www.babycentre.co.uk/c25004199/baby-games

I'm autistic so generally hate socialising with strangers but I found the "mums and tots" type groups in church halls invaluable.
There are hundreds of new toys to explore and at that age the children don't play together at all.
I would just play with my own child and ignore other people. Lots of other people did the same.

Hi OP, sounds like you're doing well already with the dedicated play times - it can get a little boring playing with a baby but when you find something they like the giggles are worth it! You've had some great suggestions of treasure baskets etc. Do you like songs/singing? You could play music rather than have the TV on and while you're doing the chores dance around a little to entertain her? My dd loved my terrible rendition of supercalifagilistic..... at that age.
Do you have Instagram? There are a few accounts on there which give suggestions on playing with babies and toddlers - play.hooray and an.activity.a.day. You could also think about signing up to a toy rotation service so you often have new toys in (I get bored of baby toys v quickly!)
You don't have long to wait until she'll be ready for trips out to farms and parks which will be loads of fun. The warmed weather will help too as you can hang out in the garden, go for longer walks etc.
The baby classes I went to didn't have too much adult interaction although that was during covid/social distancing so not sure if there would be more now. But babies definitely don't need social interaction, baby groups are for parents, if they enjoy them!

I would avoid things like Cocomelon and Little BabyBum for babies - the bright colours, repetition, constant movement and noise is all designed to be hyperstimulating and basically addictive, and we don't really know what it's doing to their brains.
If they get accustomed to watching these bright, flashy, noisy images then playing quietly with real objects stops being stimulating enough.

• Sorry, but being offended isn’t going to change the fact that you’ll need to address going out and speaking to people at some point, when it comes to your child.

Maybe speak to your HV or GP with advice,if it’s stopping you. You were worried Baby isn’t stimulated. There’s also the nursery nurse who can help.
Breast fed at 6 months can be left for an hour or two once they start weaning,easily.

Of course babies need socialised?

If your anxiety is so bad ,free or subsidised nursery arrangements can be made for the child. But again , need to speak to professionals about it.

I can see that posters are going to tell you otherwise , so of course you can take their opinions if they suit you better.

I do hope you’re able to resolve this, as it’s not going to get any easier.

@Yellowsubhubabubbub what do you mean by "babies need socialised"?
Of course they need to interact with adults who love them and form strong attachments with them.
They don't need to go to nursery or playgroups though.

I do understand a lot about trauma indeed.

Your reaction shows that you have a lot of work to go to address your issues - being defensive isn’t going to change the fact that if you don’t address your anxiety issues that is going to have a very real and detrimental impact on your baby.

I’ve just spent a weekend visiting a friend who also has spent an enormous amount of time telling me how she is breaking the cycle of trauma and her baby wont experience anything bad. She also wont go to any baby groups or anything because of her anxiety and is now planning to home school her child. I felt desperately sorry for the child.

Resolving awful trauma is a very difficult and long process. But it will be if so much benefit to your baby if you can.

I have a friend who has anxiety that impacts her life, she didn't muck around with baby groups with her daughter, but she did do a LOT of homemade/bespoke sensory activities with her once she was old enough to get anything out of them. Her daughter is absolutely fine now she's school age. Homeschooling is a bad idea for people who don't like socialising with strangers obviously, but nowhere did you imply you plan to do that.

Your baby is 6 month old. Some posters here are jumping the gun and being presumptuous about who you are as a parent. You're probably going to come across this again in your parenting journey. Learn some stock phrases like fuck off you overbearing gimp "Thanks for your suggestion, but this works for my family"

Good luck!