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Parenting

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Original poster

What's tough about 2?

35 replies

ablisha · 26/02/2022 22:30

We have decided to try for a second baby. Our DS is 16 months.

What do people find tough about having 2?
And what did people find easier the second time around?

Thanks!

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tothemoonandbackbuses · 26/02/2022 22:34

Everything was fairly easy except trying to get two children to bed/sleep at roughly the same time. Although that maybe because my eldest is a sleep refuser!

Legomania · 26/02/2022 22:35

When they both demand your attention at the same time.

ExactlyThis · 26/02/2022 22:36

Up all night with baby and then up at the crack of dawn with the toddler.

Literally zero downtime.

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Barrawarra · 26/02/2022 22:41

I think there are a lot of practical organisational skills that get developed in the early days with 2. Like who to strap in the car first. How to entertain older one while feeding/busy with baby. How to find ways to meet totally different needs at the same time. I agree with pp that’s one of the hardest things, I feel really stressed when everyone needs me but I can’t possibly give them both what they want/need.

But, ime it’s nowhere near as hard as the transition to being a first time parent. You’ve got experience. You don’t freak out about crying, or you feel more confident in interpreting what’s wrong/how to soothe them.

Most things baby related are easier, it’s the managing the two together that is the new skill.

Yicky · 26/02/2022 22:43

2 children entertain each other so easier to entertain than one and 2 children can be managed more easily than 3 or 4. In my experience having 2 children was the least hassle.

FinallyFree2022 · 26/02/2022 22:47

Mine are older now. But it's really very hard. Though I am Single parent now. Totally solo. Full time work.

It's fucking hard - they are both very challenged emotionally and the pull on my resources (if only it was just my time!) is immense. Much more so than when they were small.

It's damn near impossible to manage the MH needs of two children alone. I simply can't manage two different serious meltdowns at once. When one does something that sets the other off or provokes them. It's all consuming. I have zero time for me.

I know that's not what you were asking but as I often think how fucking easy one would be by comparison it made me want to reply.

How parents do it with more than two goodness only knows.

Original poster

ablisha · 26/02/2022 22:54

Thanks for all the replies so far.

Just to clarify we definitely want at least 2 and I'm fully aware it may well be tough but we will definitely try for 2. I just wanted to know what exactly people found tough so I am semi prepared!

Positives are obviously also welcome 🤗

OP posts:

FinallyFree2022 · 26/02/2022 23:01

@ablisha

Thanks for all the replies so far.

Just to clarify we definitely want at least 2 and I'm fully aware it may well be tough but we will definitely try for 2. I just wanted to know what exactly people found tough so I am semi prepared!

Positives are obviously also welcome 🤗

When everyone is on form it's brilliant 🤩 !

littlemisslozza · 26/02/2022 23:05

I trusted my instincts more when DC2 arrived. That made the baby stage easier than first time round. Less new stuff to learn. I have lots of happy memories of them bring small but it was very tiring obviously. The darkest moments were feeding the baby and dropping back to sleep at 5.30-6am after a broken night, only for DC1 to wake up ready to start the day! My DH leaves for work at 5am every day so that was a tough phase. I'm afraid that's when I needed Peppa Pig at 6am!

Selfbuildnewbie · 26/02/2022 23:17

I love having 2, I would have more if I was younger/had more money, ha ha! There is 2.5yrs between mine.
Being in the hospital for a week after the birth of my second was tough. But this was during a lockdown and my first was not allowed to visit at all, I missed him like mad. I was so glad to get home to him and my husband!
Apart from that my second has slotted in so well, I think a mixture of being more experienced parents and her being a slightly easier baby.
There are times when they both want/need something at the same time but you just have to get on with it.

Sausagesausagesausage · 27/02/2022 07:00

I love having 2, it's brilliant. Know what I'm doing more; much more relaxed; none of that anxiety about naps, night sleep, weaning progress; seeing all those cute clothes being repeated. Seeing them together is just gorgeous.

Hardest bit is the lack of time. I somehow managed to get a good sleeper second time round so bad nights are few and far between, I think I'd feel differently if I was up for hours every night. We get free hours for our eldest but nursery fees are still awful.

Think DH found the transition harder, probably because he had to get up with our then 3yo throughout the night and every morning for 2 months while I recovered and dealt with the baby. 😆

RavenclawsRoar · 27/02/2022 07:14

Personally I found from 1-2 easier. Going from 0-1 is 100% more work because you have to get used to having a child, but having a second is a much smaller adjustment.
The pros - you have everything, you've done it before so know what to expect, kids are lovely so having 2 is double the joy, watching your older one become a sibling is amazing (although ds1 did ignore ds2 for about 6 months!), they play together as they grow.
The cons - bedtime can be tricky with a newborn in the mix but this is temporary, time absolutely flies as you are busy (this is a con because sometimes i just want to freeze time and enjoy them being so little), they always manage to synchronise poos and never naps , the second might get a lot more colds and bugs as a baby than your first if your first goes to nursery, although maybe this evens out in the sense that they don't get as many when they start childcare. The biggest con is the worry - just as you feel as much love for your second as your first, you spend just as much time worrying about them too!
It's brilliant though. Good luck with ttc.

autienotnaughty · 27/02/2022 08:01

Two are not twice as hard. It's a bit harder but the adjustment from 0 to 1 is far far greater. Second one slots in a lot more. And it's lovely when they start playing together.

Jellycatrabbit · 27/02/2022 08:09

Baby up late and toddler up early. So sleep deprived. Baby wants cuddles and toddler wants to run/ paint / bake. Baby will only sleep if walked at 3.5mph in the pram but toddler won't go in the double buggy and walks at 1mph. You can never meet everyone's needs at once.

But second baby has just fitted in with us much easier (she's also an easier baby) and dc1 is fascinated by her - super keen to cuddle her, help change her, play with her. This also means that Dc1 will pick baby up and then drop her at any point that they are left unattended so I can't turn my back for a moment. Hopefully this phase will pass.

NobodysGonnaKnow · 27/02/2022 08:14

They get older and fight. That’s really the only problem with two.

numberthirtytwowindsorgardens · 27/02/2022 08:14

I'm two months in and, not going to lie, it's hideous. DC2 is a velcro baby so can't be put down without screaming herself sick, and DC1 has found the transition very difficult, so behaviour has deteriorated beyond all recognition. So far it's very hard.

I have vague, non specific hope that it will improve ...

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/02/2022 08:16

Depends on many factors but (depending on the age gap) having your first in a good routine is important. The fighting will be hard, getting two out the door at the same time, packing for two for holidays- but agree with another poster the fact they have eachother I think in the long term makes it easier than having 1

Ganymedemoon · 27/02/2022 10:51

I think it depends on what your children are like. My first was very easy, an easy baby, easy toddler, pre school more challenging but in the grand scheme of things easy. So for me 0-1 was a doddle. My 2nd however was a different ball game. Way more challenging throughout all stages so it waa waaaaay tougher than I envisioned.

However I know people who had the reverse with a more challenging first born and an easier 2nd. For them the transition from 0-1 was hard but 1-2 much easier.

Original poster

ablisha · 27/02/2022 12:57

Thank you for the replies.

We are very lucky with DS, he was a difficult baby for the first 3 months and then things improved. Now at 16 months he is a delight. Although I'm aware this could change as he hits 2/3 and having a baby may also change this.

DH is very hands on and DS goes to nursery too which we would hope to continue if funds allow (inflation is the only thing that might make this more tricky).

DS is the best thing ever so I am thinking more babies will equal even more happiness!

OP posts:

Original poster

ablisha · 27/02/2022 13:08

I will add however, I am nervous! It's hard to know when the right time is and the guilt of not only giving your attention to one...

OP posts:

Luckystar1 · 27/02/2022 13:16

I have 3 DC (pregnant with 4th). There was 20 months between my oldest 2, it was easy to begin with, it turns out newborns are a dawdle compared to toddlers 🤣

The really hard part for me was when the (now middle) DC hit about 6 months. Tiredness really set in, and definitely the up all night, up all day, becomes extremely wearing.

I cried a LOT. But I had no help aside from my DH who was out working all day.

They are now older and mostly easy. They play together really well and are generally really lovely children.

But honestly the tiredness crippled me for a long, long time and really affected almost every facet of my life.

Captainj1 · 27/02/2022 13:32

I have two and they are 4.5 years apart. One of each gender. The baby stage with no 2 was much easier than no 1, I was more relaxed and the elder one was starting school and has always been well behaved. I got to spend time 1:1 with baby during Mat leave and get my elder one settled at school and properly get to know the other parents etc before I went back to work.

They bicker but also are glad they have each other’s company. Weekends are mostly spent by me and DH dividing and conquering and taking them to different activities as the age difference means even the activities they share an interest in are at different times. We make sure it isn’t always me with DD and him with DS, we mix it up.

Somuchgoo · 27/02/2022 13:59

For a long time I felt like I could only be a good parent to one child at a time.

I found the transition of 0-1 easy. She wasn't a unicorn child, who came out sleeping or anything, but it was a happy, relaxed period in life. Going to 2 was much harder - its much much more than double the work, you have far less downtime etc. The first few months were fine, because i just strapped my newborn to me, and kind of got on with life as before. When both were mobile, that's when it really got tricky!

A little while ago, I got an out of the blue devastating diagnosis for my youngest. Before being transferred for life saving emergency surgery, I had to make 2 calls. One to tell my husband (child's father) and the other to make arrangements for my other child.

Obviously this is a very extreme example, but basically no matter what the situation, your mind cannot be fully on one child.

A lot of people surfing struggle with their first, to find time to eat, shower etc. With a second, you have to FIND that time, because toddler life doesn't wait just because theres a baby. If they need the toilet, they aren't going to wait until baby has finished feeding etc.

On days where we've just had one child, it's like a genuine day off, in comparison to having both.

Its wonderful having two, our two love playing together and they bring so much joy. Its totally worth it, but it is far harder.

goldensilver · 27/02/2022 17:15

When they get older and start fighting with each other.

Almost every aspect of the early years was easier with the previous experience parenting the first one!

minniep · 27/02/2022 17:24

I found my second pregnancy absolute torture with an active two year old constantly wanting attention and it wasn't a great pregnancy anyway so there was that. I found I didn't recover properly afterwards as again the two year old was constantly stuck to me and Mammy guilt meant I did spoil her a bit (my husband is amazing but my hormones meant I insisted on doing far too much). My second baby was a dream child and I had an amazing second maternity leave I went back to work after seven months without any baby weight looking better than I had in a long time as I was in such a relaxed happy with myself phase of life. Like others have said there is zero downtime and life is full on but we have three now and as they get older it's so much fun.

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