Aibu to go old school with food

[Reluctantadult]

And serve tonight's cheesy pasta at breakfast tomorrow, because they've refused to eat it?! I'm not sure how to handle fussiness! Kids are 4 & 7.

7yo decided 2 weeks ago to stop eating meat. I think this came from friends at school telling her that they don't eat things they don't like and get their own meals made. She's never liked meat and has realised she can say so. I've said that's fine and am catering for it, but she's also now digging her heels in about eating other things.

4yo will usually try things but tonight is point blank refusing to eat any pasta because I put a few breadcrumbs on top. I'm sure he's joining in.

We did baby led weaning and I suppose I've got this legacy idea that they're in charge with their appetites, they can always have fruit, until recently that was fruit and yoghurt. 7yo will also have supper later. But now they're older I need to evolve this somehow!

It's giving me the rage that they are turning their noses up to cheesy bloody pasta, which should be the most child friendly meal, and I'm working really hard to ensure 7yo has a balanced vegetarian diet, 4yo has things he'll like, husband ditto as he's got his own dietary requirements ...

Jeez tldr?! Fussy kids, to what extent do you cater for it? Do old school methods like giving them the meal for breakfast work!!!

No idea but following this thread as have a fussy just turned 7 year old that doesn't eat meat either. Always wants macaroni cheese or cheese pizza

Solidarity, @MondeoFan!
I'm fine with her not eating meat, but then she can't also not eat quorn, foods cooked in sauce, and things that are just a tiny bit different to what she was thinking...

I’ve dealt with plenty of fussy eaters.

My advice is to introduce new foods alongside ones you know they’ll eat at lunchtime with an expectation that they have to try a mouthful. If they don’t like it they have to finish the rest of the meal.

If they make a fuss at supper time offer bread and butter/ non sugary cereal/ plain yogurt, etc.

I’ve not forced my children to eat anything they don’t like. Cooking for one of them was infuriating at times but now, with encouragement and involving them in menu planning and cooking, they have a great variety in their diet.

@Reluctantadult mine won't even eat a roast dinner minus the meat.
I've spent 2 hours cooking a roast for the rest of the family - DH that's gluten free and other non fussy child but I then have to cook the 7 year old something completely different arghhhh

After far, far too many battles over meals Ive just decided to give us all a break & feed them the same old stuff that I know they will eat. I can't be arsed anymore with making food that just gets chucked away.

I feel so at peace since making this decision. As long as what they will eat is reasonably balanced & healthyish, then I'd lay off trying too hard. Perhaps try the pasta once more reheated for lunch, Or have it yourself? Don't stress out though if it's rejected.

My hope is that they will watch & learn that trying new foods is fun as they grow up.

Make sure one food you know they like is served with each meal. Keep any new foods separate to ones they do like.

Make no comment on what is or isn’t eaten.

Involve them in meal planning for the week ahead where possible.

It's not a case of offering new foods. My problem is more that the list of what she will eat is suddenly getting much smaller. As one example she used to love kale but now won't touch it. She used to prefer quorn at school but now won't eat it so wants a packed lunch every day! Her diet is getting smaller.

Also don’t worry too much about variety. As long as they are getting broadly balanced in terms of the food groups (and you can always introduce vitamins) does it really matter if they have the same on mulptile days if they are eating?

Old school methods when it comes to getting kids to eat are very rarely a good thing.

@Sirzy that is very much what i have always done. I feel like it's kind of backfiring on me now!

A long time ago, I had a couple of fussy eaters. Mine were particukwro6 bad at eating veg. The hard work trick I learnt was to give them a choice of veg and tell them they had to eat one. The choice element seemed to work, even though they were still essentially having to eat the very thing they point blank refused to eat before.

I never gave them choices of whole meals though. I cooked one meal eat it or leave it. If left, nothing else was offered. I tried to are things I thought they would eat, but you already know how they can astonish you by refusing previously acceptable meals!

And yes, I did once serve for tea the very same meal that had been refused at lunch. The child meekly ate it, and then ate tea on top! I have seen that method described as cruel on Mumsnet before, but it worked for me, and I only had to do it once.

Agh to typos! Particularly, hard won.....etc

I haven't done a very good job in the original post. Despite it's epic length! Dd wasn't fussy, but has been getting fussier and now is really quite difficult! So at age 7, do I get more insistent that unless she physically hates it, she can eat her meal?! Particularly given that I'm catering for her wish to be vegetarian.

One of mine would eat the veg if I had grown it in the garden. From then on most veg which I knew they liked and were just being controlling over, was home grown. He hasn't cottoned on its out of the freezer yet at 5yo.
The other dc was encouraged to try stuff so he would get big and strong like daddy. This didn't work on dc2 he was a different kettle of fish.
Try and find the lure that works.
But yes even when you make child friendly food they suddenly no longer like pizza or pasta. Very infuriating.

So much depends on personality. With my Ds there would be no point in insisting He eats as he will just fuss more.

How about a compromise- say eat a bite/ or six pieces then you can leave it?

I saw on a super nanny type programme once, the child was gently asked to kiss the food, then lick it, then put it in their mouth, then bite. It seemed to work usually a gradual method.

I wouldn't insist though, or meal times will become a stress for you all.

I confess to being old school. My younger son is a fussy eater but he's expected to eat what his brother eats. Otherwise he'd only want to eat beige crap. He is becoming less fussy over time thankfully.

Choose your battles.

My soon to be 7YO has declared himself to be vegetarian. TBF, he's never been a big meat eater and he's eaten every vegetarian option we've given him. So I'm happy to go with it. At two he was the child who would starve himself when everyone assured me that 'no child will starve themselves'.

I'm very anti-mumsnet in my attitude to fussy eaters. We have ASD in the family so perhaps that's why. I let my kids eat what they like and don't force them to eat what they don't.

Also take into account your cooking. My DH was a 'fussy eater' when in reality PIL cooking is vile. They cooked everything to a pureed pulp. My kids don't like it when DH cooks rice and pasta because he doesn't put salt in the water and doesn't cook it long enough. But for how many 'fussy eaters' there are on MN, I don't see may parents admitting that they're shit cooks.

My eldest was a bloody nightmare. I lovingly weaned him on homemade organic goodness and was smuggy mcsmug. By the time he went to school his fussiness was out of control and I distinctly remember sitting down with him when he was about 7 to get him to tell me 5 meals he would. He couldn’t come up with more than pasta with cheese, pizza, fishfingers and southern fries and frankfurters.

Roll on to now. Since he was about 14 he has eaten pretty much anything apart from mince meat and is a proper foodie. The other 2 were less fussy but really not great and had pretty similar beige diets. Now they both eat pretty well including the 11 year old who last night cleared his plate of a full on chicken tagine and couscous.

I tried to limit my battles and crossed my fingers and generally tried to serve what thete was a change they’d eat. It will probably come!

I hate food waste so if, as you say, the DCs usually like cheesy pasta I 100% would offer it again for breakfast. I think parents pander far too much to their kids fussy phases.

I’m old school and although I wouldn’t be serving up dinner for breakfast, I also wouldn’t be serving up fruit, yoghurt or supper. A cup of milk before bed but nowt else.

Old-school here! We're a fairly large household and, if I only cooked what everybody likes, we'd all eat a very limited diet. I challenged my children once to come up with a list of main meals that they would all eat, and they could only think of three! So, I cook a variety of food. I don't force them to eat anything, but if they don't make a reasonable attempt, there is no pudding - in fact, nothing else except fruit. I don't offer bread and I certainly don't cook separate meals for anyone. I don't think pandering to fussy eaters does them any favours long-term.

None of them are fussy eaters now.

Also. What do you mean, 7yo will have supper later? What does that consist of? It was nearly six pm when you typed that.

DD1 is autistic. She also eats ever decreasing numbers/types of food.

My strategy is to serve her dinner in individual ramekins. Your meal tonight would mean a ramekin with plain pasta, a ramekin with cheese sauce and a ramekin with breadcrumbs. Presenting the meal like this seems to give her enough control for something to be eaten. She also has the option of not eating and leaving the table.

I do not make alternative meals.

I don't comment on how much/little is eaten. Food is not 'wasted' unless it goes mouldy before use. I would not comment on how much or little an adult has eaten. We recycle our food waste too.

DH and I model 'normal' eating. DD2 tries it on at times but she is NT and gets short shrift. My mantra is everyone gets what they need; not what they want. One meal a week is their choice meal.

Life is too short to make meal times a battle. We live in a society of over-abundance. I do not worry my DC will starve.

My battle with my DC is drinking enough water! 🤬🤬🤬

my attitude has always been, there is a variety on the table, this is what is on offer. Food is low key, no fuss, no drama.
If you don't eat, fine, but as a family we stay at the table until meal is finished, and there is no other option if you don't like the meal.

if there is a known dislike, I will cater to it (eg ds hated peppers and could taste them in anything even if cut up tiny), and I don't give them plates with food on, food is on the table and I serve, so one will have rice and sauce separate. One will have sauce on top of rice etc.
One will eat the sauce and leave the rice. Every plate has veg served on to it.

But basic principle is - this is the meal. Take it or leave it.
Next meal is new food and a fresh start.

ds used to eat LOADS of breakfast, literally 3 huge bowls of cereal. He wasn't always fussed about other meals, especially lunch.