Aibu to go old school with food

[Reluctantadult]

And serve tonight's cheesy pasta at breakfast tomorrow, because they've refused to eat it?! I'm not sure how to handle fussiness! Kids are 4 & 7.

7yo decided 2 weeks ago to stop eating meat. I think this came from friends at school telling her that they don't eat things they don't like and get their own meals made. She's never liked meat and has realised she can say so. I've said that's fine and am catering for it, but she's also now digging her heels in about eating other things.

4yo will usually try things but tonight is point blank refusing to eat any pasta because I put a few breadcrumbs on top. I'm sure he's joining in.

We did baby led weaning and I suppose I've got this legacy idea that they're in charge with their appetites, they can always have fruit, until recently that was fruit and yoghurt. 7yo will also have supper later. But now they're older I need to evolve this somehow!

It's giving me the rage that they are turning their noses up to cheesy bloody pasta, which should be the most child friendly meal, and I'm working really hard to ensure 7yo has a balanced vegetarian diet, 4yo has things he'll like, husband ditto as he's got his own dietary requirements ...

@courgettigreensadwater

Also. What do you mean, 7yo will have supper later? What does that consist of? It was nearly six pm when you typed that.

She's eating a pear now. Supper list is same as breakfast, usually toast or fruit.

@maddiemookins16mum

I’m old school and although I wouldn’t be serving up dinner for breakfast, I also wouldn’t be serving up fruit, yoghurt or supper. A cup of milk before bed but nowt else.

Lol that she doesn't like milk 😂

It's really tough isn't it. My oldest is not fussy at all really but at around 7 he got really precious around anything that wasn't his favourite. At that point I did give him a bit of a talking to about how sometimes food is your favourite and sometimes we just eat it for nutrition. He got a lot better after that. He went vegetarian at 9 and my only condition was that he had to try everything I cooked and he's been good since then but is that much older,
My youngest is more naturally fussy and I find separating things works- so if the rest of us have stir fry she'll have a pile of chicken and some picked out veg and noodles or rice.
I think not making it a battle is important.

Thanks @Allthebubbles that rings true to me. And yes to separating things we've been in that land a while!

My mother did the whole routine with bringing the plate back out at subsequent mealtimes if I'd not eaten much of it. I hated meat & root vegetables (she hated root vegetables too so she tended to boil them until they were completely dead!) I went on to develop an ED due to body image issues & because I hated mealtimes, I felt like they were a constant source of stress - not eating felt better & then it just spiralled.

Don't force them to eat one particular food. Try to involve them with improving their diet, ask them what they'd prefer - pasta or baked potato. What vegetables - broccoli or a salad on the side. Cheese or tuna /meat substitute for the vegetarian. Don't try to introduce more than one new food at once, & don't criticise if they don't eat it - the goal should only be that they should try it. If they try it, it's a win, even if they don't like it, they get just as much praise. If it turns out that they do like it, then that's a bonus because now they've got to enjoy something new. Sometimes, try them with new, but less healthy foods, such as a new flavour of crisps, ice cream, or biscuits. So they know that trying new foods isn't just about beans & vegetables.
Our DD used to be hideously picky, we've slowly improved her diet & the mealtime tantrums by giving her choice, especially the feeling that she has some choice. She surprised me a few weeks ago when it turned out she likes the dried seaweed snacks. nothing is sacred apparently

FWIW, we do have separate meals here, mainly because I'm on an extremely limited diet due to IBS & a massively long list of migraine trigger foods. If DD & DH had to stick to my diet we'd spend a fortune & there would be complaints as I can't eat any of of their favourite processed food!

Oh my goodness @Reluctantadult, I could have written this about my DD although she is 11 now. As a toddler and younger child, she ate absolutely everything but over the past couple of years, she’s started saying she doesn’t like things that she’s previously eaten fine and I am so stressed about how limited her diet has become.

Like your DD she’s gone off meat although she says it’s because of the ‘veins’. It started with roast chicken type meat but now even includes nuggets and processed meat. She does eat fish though. Won’t eat quorn, gone off bananas, cucumber and other things that she previously loved. I’ve wondered if hers could be the start of anorexia or something but then she will eat all the junk food-crisps, chocolate, sweets etc no problem so I don’t think it is that. So stressful!!! And the opposite of what you normally hear.

I suppose I've got this legacy idea that they're in charge with their appetites

They are in charge of their own appetites aren’t they?

I wouldn’t give it for breakfast, no. But we frequently have leftovers for lunch or dinner the next day and I do that whether DD liked it or not. So I’d happily serve the cheesy pasta for lunch the next day. If it was something new, I’d serve it with something I knew she liked, but if it was a meal I knew she liked and she’d just decided not to eat it then I’d just serve it again the next day. But that’s provided it’s something that will keep, and I won’t keep doing it - I’m not reheating and re-serving food multiple times.

Yeah poor explanation from me again! I mean with baby led weaning you kind of trust that they'll balance themselves out over the course or say a week. But less so at 7.

I go with you can eatxas much or little as you want, there is no alternative. I don't put any pressure on them to eat or taste. If things aren't eaten, I would give buttered toast or unsweetened wheetabix before bed if they are hungry. Nothing sweet though. They have gone through varying degrees of fussiness.

Brought up old school and did it myself. We/They either ate what was put down in front or they went without. Obviously not the meat situation, that's different.

Brought up old school here. However my mother (bless her soul) never cooked anything she knew we disliked. I was fussy about veg but ate any meat, but she cooked one meal , take it or leave it. I never left it. If you cook something and they don't eat it, freeze it. I too hate waste.

@magicstars

After far, far too many battles over meals Ive just decided to give us all a break & feed them the same old stuff that I know they will eat. I can't be arsed anymore with making food that just gets chucked away.

I feel so at peace since making this decision. As long as what they will eat is reasonably balanced & healthyish, then I'd lay off trying too hard. Perhaps try the pasta once more reheated for lunch, Or have it yourself? Don't stress out though if it's rejected.

My hope is that they will watch & learn that trying new foods is fun as they grow up.

Heart this mentality. Spent way too much time over thinking this. If I recall my "diet" as a 7 year old ......

I was forced to eat what I was given, I've spent my life with really unhealthy food issues and eating disorders

Some nights we all eat the same, some nights we eat a variation on a theme, some night we have entirely different meals.
A lightbulb moment for me was one evening when DH had cooked and had done mash (again) having peeled the baby potatoes which I had been expecting to have in their skins. He loves mash and hates baby potatoes;
I'm the opposite. Why would the DC be any different with their likes & dislikes? I remember many a meal as a child eating things because my brother liked it and no doubt he has similar memories but about meals I liked. Life is too short!

Similar to PP some nights i ask my 4 year old what she would like and some nights I tell her what I'm making. The baby tends to get things he will eat and I try to put something new on his tray. Sometimes we eat as a family sometimes me and DP eat later - shock horror on MN for this. No one is forced to finish anything we're happy if the 4 year old tries something. I grew up having to clear my plate and I struggled with being overweight. Children shouldn't have to feel as tho they have wasted food and eat it for the sake of it. What's the difference between it going in the bin or in their bodies

Slightly left-field but I've recently read Megan Rossi's book about gut health after listening to her on the Motherkind podcast. I've introduced the idea to my kids about there being bacteria in their tummies that like different foods and that encourages them to try different things; we even joke about the different bacteria having a fight if their food isn't picked. Mine are 5 and 3, the 5yo seems more interested.

Ah @LaPufalina my 4yo would be all over that! Good idea.

I really don't like making kids sit and eat something they don't want to. It makes it a battle of wills.

Dd5 is a bit fussy, if we do pasta then she has it plain, sauce in a bowl and picks the meaty bits out, we all serve ourselves cheese. She won't eat cooked veg much so I put some raw on her plate as I chop.

I think having something they will definitely eat available and then things to try is the best option. Lots of praise if they try something.

With meat, I'd do meals where she can have it without meat eg keep a bit of a tomato sauce separate. Get a load of veg product she does like eg a bag of Quorn sausage for the freezer. Don't make it a battle.

The problem I have with treating children this way is that it's slightly hypocritical. As an adult, I go on and off food the whole time. Sometimes I'm into cooking stir fries, other times I find them a bit slimy, some nights I love a curry and others I just want fish and chips. Other nights, I'd find that too stodgy and I just want a salad or some soup. Sometimes I'm just not hungry. Since I'm in charge of choosing and cooking dinner, I get to make sure that it suits my preferences.

My 4yo isn't accorded the same courtesy and I don't consult him when choosing what to eat. So sometimes it's chilli when he doesn't feel like chilli, or eggs when he's gone off them (and I love eggs, but I also go off them sometimes!) or pasta in a sauce which he doesn't like. So I don't think it's pandering to him to put a few things on the table which I know generally he'll eat (plain pasta, peas, carrots etc.) and, if all else fails, offer some porridge or toast and milk before bed. I do encourage him to at least try everything (even if a tiny mouthful), with stickers and high fives for trying new things so he views mealtimes as being positive rather than intimidating. But if he's not hungry or not in the mood for something, well I feel the same myself sometimes.

Although I said up thread I put one meal on the table, take it or leave it, I must say that I wouldn't expect a child to eat something I know they don't like.

I am also perfectly happy to swap out some things for one child, eg one of mine hates stir fry veg. So i do my stir fries with meat and veg spearate, and she has raw mange tout which she likes, and the stir fry meat and rice.

So accommodating within a reasonable boundary I suppose.

the key thing I think is not to make an issue of food.
and I have never expected them to clear the plate, if they have had enough, fine.