Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Am I mad to want a second child now?

29 replies

LettucesAndRoses · 21/02/2022 12:34

Hello,

I'm hoping for some objective opinions as it's hard to be objective when baby fever hits!

DD is 16 months old and I just got my period back. Before having her, I sort of hoped to have a second one when she turned two or soon after so I'm glad it's now a possibility. Here are the pros and cons of TTC now:

Pros:
-I'm turning 36 soon so good not to wait too long, especially as there's early menopause in my family.
-I have got a very convenient, flexible way of working now which is not going to last forever.
-It would be nice for my DD to have a sibling close in age, I think.
-It groups the hard early years.
-Also gives a small window of opportunity if we decided we might want more than two.

Cons:
-DD is far from sleeping through the night and still breastfeeds a lot (my biggest concern, that she's not ready to share me)
-It's already hard enough having one!
-We live abroad and have no help from family or friends.
-My husband works a lot so it's mostly on me.

Are your DCs 24 months or so apart? How was it for you?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Bromse · 21/02/2022 12:40

Nobody can make your mind up for you, Lettuces. It is purely an individual decision.

There will always be times when you feel you would like another child, it's natural.

Wait a bit longer and reassess. Take your husband's views into consideration though your feelings are paramount.

TheWhalrus · 21/02/2022 12:41

We also live abroad (although DPs family are only about 200km away).

Our DD is 25 months old and I'm not even contemplating a second child. For us, one is already feeling like enough. Not the most helpful response, I appreciate, but this is how it is for us.

Chely · 21/02/2022 14:04

I wouldn't hang about as you never know what may happen.
We did ttc with an intended gap of 2 years but had 2 miscarriages between them and ended up with a 5 year gap. 16.5mth between 2 & 3 (1 mc between), almost 3 year between 3rd & 4/5, 6yr gap between 4/5 & 6 (2 mc's between). 21 with 1st, 37 with latest and pregnancy was not much harder. I was weightlifting right up to 35+2 with the latest and she was a chunky 10lb 15oz & 38+6.

Good luck

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families General parenting Menopause
Chely · 21/02/2022 14:04

Oh and my dh works away from days to months at a time, you just need to be organised to keep on top of things.

Yogurtpotofdoom · 21/02/2022 14:07

I was going to say do it until I saw your DC doesn't sleep through. I had a two year age gap but no way in hell would I have considered it if DS1 wasn't sleeping through.

WolfMother326 · 21/02/2022 14:10

Hi OP, I'm in a practically identical situation (except older) and planning a 2 year gap. It will be hard but worth it. Go for it ♡

Twizbe · 21/02/2022 14:11

I have 2 years and 10 days between my two.

Not going to lie, the early years were tough. Though at the time I didn't really appreciate how tough they were. I just sort of got on with it. The hardest point was 3 and 1 but that was when lockdown hit and that made it so much harder.

Now though, they are 3 and 5 and it's becoming quite fun. They are close enough in age to enjoy playing together, my eldest is at school and youngest pre school so I have a lot more down time. It's easier for one of us to take them out to give the other a break.

I think 2 is a good age to get a sibling. My eldest didn't seem to get jealous and now doesn't even remember a time before she arrived.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2022 14:13

I got pregnant with my second when my first was 15 months old. It was absolutely wonderful and I would do it again if I got to do it all over.

isurvived3under2 · 21/02/2022 14:17

I was you. DS was 13 months, we started TTC again. Pregnant immediately... with twins. No history in the family. If I could go back, I wouldn't do it.

isurvived3under2 · 21/02/2022 14:18

He wasn't 13 months, I can't even do the maths it was that bad. He had just turned 1. There is a 20 month gap.

Cheesewiz · 21/02/2022 14:20

13 months age gap, so already had a 3 month old baby when my eldest was 16 months. 24 months seems like an ideal age gap, if I could have picked I would have chosen 2 years apart.

Littlegoth · 21/02/2022 14:20

Mine is about the same age as yours, I’m hoping that he’ll have a sibling by the end of the year, so by the time he’s 2y3m.

Littlegoth · 21/02/2022 14:21

We have no help at all and I’m 40 now so time is ticking. Might as well get it all done at once.

proworrier · 21/02/2022 14:24

Mine are 2 years and 6 weeks apart. We do have family close by however 2nd child
Born 2 weeks before lockdown so we coped alone for most if not all of his first year of life. Horrendous allergies sickness and all. We coped. My first wasn't sleeping through, was breastfed as well and continued to feed until I was 20 something weeks pregnant when she stopped. I am so glad we had them close together. It's hard. Really hard but they are developing a lovely relationship and I've got a bit of time to convince husband number 3 is an excellent plan!
Absolutely no regrets here!

AliceW89 · 21/02/2022 14:26

It's already hard enough having one!

DC are hard in there own ways no matter the age. As multiple threads on here prove, there are pros and cons to every age gap. All I’d say is if you haven’t got family support and you can afford it, maybe put your DD in nursery a couple of days now, so if you find yourself swamped with 2 you get a couple of days a week respite, without her feeling like she’s being booted out because of the baby.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 21/02/2022 14:30

I would crack on. If you got pregnant today you would still have another 9 months before no2 turned up. You will be glad at 47 that you did!

Second children are often dream sleepers (and vice versa) and even if they are "through the night" a sibling turning up can throw them out of whack for a bit. Same as starting school, a dose of something unpleasant and so on.

Theresamagicalplace · 21/02/2022 14:47

I'm currently 3 months pregnant with a 16 month old non sleeper, not going to lie coping with the tiredness and sickness from pregnancy is difficult when you still don't get a full night's sleep but definitely don't let the lack of sleep put you off trying! The age gap would be lovely and like you say, you'll be getting the shit bits out of the way together.

Moonbabysmum · 21/02/2022 15:04

22m gap here. If I waited until my first reliably slept through, I would still be waiting, and she's nearly 5, so I wouldn't wait on that basis.

Just make sure that you are sharing the burden!

confuseddotcom1234 · 21/02/2022 15:22

I have a 2 year 7 month gap we ttc once ds1 was 18 months the aiming being a 2.5 year age gap we took a few months and had a miscarriage but gap works perfectly for us. Now have an almost 4 year old old and 14 month old abs works nicely. We do have some family help though so that does make a difference. I don't think there is an ideal age gap and if you start ttc you have time for your dd to sleep better and either wean or cut down her breastfeeding to work around a newborn.

NameChangeNymph · 21/02/2022 16:15

I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my second. My first is 20 months.

I was 35 when I had #1, 37 now.

I've no doubt it's going to be a hard few years but the long term gain will heavily outweigh the short term pain I'm sure.

Peanutbuttercupisyum · 21/02/2022 16:34

Mine are 21 months apart and the 24 months apart.
It was hard but worth it, for the reasons you say (constant playmates, I managed 4 children in the end, 2 share a room etc)
Don’t worry about nights and feeding, 9 months is a long time to sort that!

KimDeals · 21/02/2022 16:37

21 months apart. It’s amazing now they are 6 and 8. They are super pals. Toddler years were tricky. There are no right or wrong answers! I’d you want to do it, do it! Having a baby is an instinctive decision not a rational one!

Zolla · 21/02/2022 18:13

To give you food for thought, we have a 2 year & 10 months gap. It’s been perfect. My girls are genuinely the best of friends now aged 2 & almost 5. I’m so proud of my big girl for being such a brilliant big sis. They play together so nicely, I’m currently listening to them having a teddy bears picnic ❤️ The real pros for us were DD1 being fully potty trained, DD1 being past the worst of the toddler tantrums, DD1 sleeping through the night, DD1 being quite independent. She could fetch us nappies & wipes, easily feed herself & entertain herself. It’s close enough in age we can do stuff for both of them,

I couldn’t have managed 2 under 2 or similar. DD1 was HARD work between 2-3. The idea of a newborn & constant tantrums & potty training would have sent me under 😂

Piggy42 · 21/02/2022 18:18

We had a 2 year and 4 month gap, but had family help so an easier decision. Two years apart is lovely especially when they’re a bit older- easy to find days out/activities they both can do and enjoy.

Grasshopper90 · 21/02/2022 18:22

Mine are 25 months apart. The youngest is now almost 12 weeks old. My family is abroad and DH’s family offer little practical
support, though his shift pattern does allow for him to be around from late afternoon.

It is tough. I find it difficult at this point to balance their needs and you never quite now how each day is going to go. But I’m still happy with the age gap and figure we’re in it for the long haul. The benefits of a relatively small age gap come out later. Plus I like that the baby/toddler years will be in one chunk for us.