Things you wished you knew before having a baby

[DaniLaLaLand]

What is the one thing that nobody told you about having a child, that you wish you knew?

Mine are inducing a baby can take AGES (4 days)
Epidurals are like small operations in themselves and not guaranteed to work
People text constantly just before baby is due to ask stupid questions (have you had the baby yet? Any signs??)

That if you are in a relationship with the child's other parent - the relationship needs to be ROCK solid. Babies throw grenades at relationships. You need to be ready and have aligned core beliefs and values. Mutual views on parenting and discipline.

Also good to remember that

Babies don't
-fix mental health issues
-Remove loneliness
-Fix any issues in life.

How isolating it can become

@GrandRapids

That unless you have huge input from grandparents/wider family, your freedom is severely curtailed.

Trying to combine a full time job/career with a kid and still having some kind of a life for yourself is bloody difficult.

I mean it sounds so obvious but I really didn't fully understand just how much my life would change and how much I would hate trying to keep all the plates spinning for years on end....

Totally agree with this.

I wish I'd known how unhelpful my family would turn out to be. After years of pressure from my parents for me to have kids ("we just can't wait to be grandparents!" Literally the closing remark of my dad's wedding speech) they have offered zero help in the 3.5 years since I had my first baby, in fact they avoid coming over when DD is here and have refused to help when I go into labour with DS. I'm still expected to send cute videos and photos. I am so sick of it.

that it physically can destroy your body.
That you really should sleep when baby sleeps.

@Borracha

Nothing. Because I think if I'd known the reality, I probably never would have done it.

Same.

That people will offer help but not follow through..."give me a shout anytime" equates to empty promises of help

@Vicky1989x

That newborn babies sound like wild animals when they sleep.

@Vicky1989x exactly! Mine makes all sorts of noises. I can't remember my first being like this!

Just do what works for you and your child, never ever compare yourself to how others choose to parent their children.

And that putting your children to bed and getting them ready to go out anywhere is tough and relentless and this struggle will be your life every day for at least the first seven years (and counting) and it’s really tedious!

That it's amazing and you should do it sooner (ok, people had said similar but I didn't believe them!) Now got a 6 month old at 35 and will try for another when she's older but could see myself with 3 if we'd started when I was younger.

That you can’t jusy pop them down and they go to sleep

That breastfeeding in the early days is so bloody hard!

That my ex was a knob and crap.parent!!..also to.sleep.when baby does.

That grest feeding support from hcp's is incredibly rare and is the real reason most women stop feeding their babies far earlier than they intended to.
And just generally that women are let down and not listened to far too often in the medical world.

That planning a day around three naps and two meals is a full time job and mentally exhausting. Every. Damn. Day.

That babies don't just "fall sleep" I genuinely thought that they just fell asleep wherever they were lying. 😂
Omg the noise newborns make when sleeping!i was dead set on putting him out the room he was that noisy😂I didn't tho...still haven't🙊

@Mrsmch123

That babies don't just "fall sleep" I genuinely thought that they just fell asleep wherever they were lying. 😂 Omg the noise newborns make when sleeping!i was dead set on putting him out the room he was that noisy😂I didn't tho...still haven't🙊

Some do! A friends baby used to just nod off on the play gym mat from a young age. I was shocked. None of mine did that EVER. Each nap and bedtime was a marathon for both kids here.

That homeschooling my two kids whilst also expecting to WFH full time would be a 'thing'.

That the baby stage is actually the easiest part. That they're much harder work when they're 2, 4, 6 and I've not even reached the teens yet. 😕

The phrase 'sleeping like a baby' doesnt mean a baby sleeps quietly.
Because babies dont.
They are the loudest sleepers known to man kind and made me absolutely crap my pants for the first 4 weeks because I honestly thought she was choking on air.
Babies also wave their arms/legs, thump the mattress and scream randomly when sound asleep.
Piss take.

Not everyone can breast feed and thats ok. I pressured myself so much but just dont have the supply so we top up with bottles.

All babies are different and do things at their own pace. Milestones arent there to be met on exact dates. Theyre an indication of ability.
Im still learning this one.

Tummy time is the work of the devil and babies hate it.

White isnt a practical colour to dress babies in.

Baby blues are a real thing and arent talked about enough. Your emotions are absolutely f*ed for the first few months. You cry for no reason. Your sleep deprived.
But you look at your baby (and cry more) and couldnt be happier (even on no sleep for 3 days).

Your house will resemble ToysRUs before your baby is 4 months old.

The birth part is all about you, you are in charge (not in control, but in charge) you get to say who is there, what they do, what they see and what happens, even in (especially in) an emergency.

Breastfeeding is all about the two of you and babies have to learn to do it. There is support available that does not involve anyone touching you or seeing you undressed.

Babies and toddlers are relentless and fabulous and absolutely straightforward, you know you are in at the deep end, you know you have to watch them 24/7, feed, water, get them to sleep and prevent them from putting their fingers in plug sockets. Most of this can be achieved by simple, daily, nightly, constant proximity. The complexity increases as the child grows.

Babies don’t actually need “big ticket” items like cots and prams and a house full of toys. Your tiny house and you will be just fine.

You can single parent easier than double parent in certain circumstances.

@FinallyFree2022 yeh I didn't get one of those babies...Que rocking, shooshing and patting each sleep🙈

That with two under 2yrs, it'll take a hour to get ready to leave the house. Once I accepted this simple fact, life became a lot easier!

Oh also, my mum pointed out that as the youngest child, I pretty much started life on the move, as my siblings were already at school/nursery so there was so such thing as being at home for naps. I slept wherever I happened to be. Usually on wheels.
So when my first came along I didn't work my life around naps either, he just slept wherever we were.
More something I'm grateful that I was told, rather than wishing I had been