Newborn help! those who switched to formula and were happy they did and those who persevered with BF?

[KiwiDramaQueen]

Hello really keen to hear from those of you who switched to formula for your newborn and those who considered it but stuck BF.

Background:
Have a 1 week old and we’ve been having BF issues and I’m considering switching to formula. As background, I’m not sentimental about BF so I think my only regrets are likely to be practical ones.

Reasons for considering formula:

• Baby has posterior tongue tie and initially had problems latching although I’m told he’s now capable of a good latch (I struggle to get him on with a good latch though)
• My nipples have been quite damaged in the first week and that’s making my experience with him worse and making those sleepless nights of feeding harder
• He fights the nipple. Thrashing his head about, flailing arms, stuffing hands in mouth. My partner has to help me by holding his hands away.
• I’m struggling to get comfortable during feeds. I need lots of pillow support and I’m still getting hand and back pain. My partner has to help me adjust the support once baby is latched. We use rugby ball hold as this is the only way he will latch properly.

For me, the main attraction of breastfeeding was the practicality aspect - being able to feed him anywhere with little fuss. But I need so much support I can’t even imagine feeding him out and about, let alone what I’m going to do when my partner goes back to work in a week. Also with the amount of fighting he does before going on the nipple combined with the rugby ball hold which is more exposed I’m going to be sitting with my boob on display for ages which doesn’t appeal.

By comparison the formula feeds we’ve given him have been very quick and easy to do, and it’s something others can help with.

I’ve had a lactation consultant in and we’re going to a tongue tie specialist next week but I’m wondering whether I’m flogging a BF dead horse because I feel like what’s what I SHOULD do when actually maybe life would be simpler if I switched to formula?

Thanks in advance for your experiences/advice.

I struggled with TT with my first. It was agony and horrible and I remember people told me 'one day you'll feed in your sleep and not even know you're feeding'. I thought it would never happen to me.

Lo and behold a week after his TT was cut we were indeed both bed sharing and I slept through the night practically with a boob out.

Take it one day at a time and remember all the benefits you're bestowing on your child, from a lower risk of (both types of) diabetes to a lower risk of breast cancer for yourself.

This link helped me (as well as lots or ibuprofen and paracetamol!) www.thealphaparent.com/timeline-of-a-breastfed-baby/

I breastfed 2 with no problems until experiencing exactly as you describe with my youngest- only her posterior tongue tie wasn't picked up until 12 weeks. At that point she was very dangerously underweight and too weak to cry- despite being an experienced mum and breastfeeder I had no idea. My faith in my boobs was too strong!

We managed to combine feed until 6 months and it wasn't until I stopped I realised she had near starved for no good reason other than "breast is best". My experience is obviously my bias when I say, just do it and don't let yourself feel bad.

I would reassess once you’ve had the tongue tie sorted and try and persevere until then. I understand from friends that the improvement, if you get it sorted quickly, is almost instant.

Personally once bf’ing is established it is very, very easy - especially if baby will also take a bottle, that’s the best of both worlds. I also got very sore nipples in the first week, slatherings of lasinoh and they did heal. I think the first 6 weeks is usually a big turning point for breastfeeding, after they go through the 6 week monster cluster feeding sessions it does then settle down. I always went by the mantra of never give up on a bad day, and ended up feeding for 16 months and loved it in the end.

Struggling with bf after one week is normal I'm afraid. I was in pain, bleeding nipples etc with my first. I went to a bf clinic and was so glad I did. The midwives were amazing and really showed me properly how to latch him on. It was sort of holding his open mouth below the wider bit of the areola and then simultaneously moving his mouth over whilst pushing in the top part of the areola. The whole areola should be in the mouth, not just the nipple. Once they get a good latch the nipple shouldn't get sore. I used a v pillow for him to lie on, a pillow supporting my back and my feet on a phone directory. The NCT may have a local bf group of your hospital doesn't have an bf clinic. It really is worth persisting. He'll only be flailing if he's frustrated and not getting the milk. Once he latches and gets milk he should settle.
However, you should make the best decision for you. If you start introducing formula this early it may affect your milk supply. He will have a growth spurt at about 3 weeks where it will seem he is feeding constantly (also 6 weeks). This will boost your supply. Also your milk will only just be coming in a few days ago (boobs like boulders yet?). When that happens properly it will be easier for him to feed. Good luck.

I swapped to FF after 5 days of pure hell and nipples that were so badly damaged and painful. The pain of breastfeeding for me was so much worse than the pain relief free natural birth I went through to bring my baby into the world.

No regrets what so ever. Unfortunately at the time it was popular for strangers both on the Internet and in real life to openly judge people for formula feeding their baby, so that was the only down side (having just given birth and new to mother hood I had not had any time to develop a thick skin!) I get the impression that people aren't as cruel and judgemental these days so hopefully that wouldn't be an issue for you.

The extended period of crying while you're warming the bottle is a bit gut wrenching at first, but you both soon get used to it and get into a pattern. As they get older of course the desperation for a feed dissipates and a nice routine gets going.

Out and about you do have to either carry round a bottle warmer flask with you or scope out the places you can warm a bottle.

I had TT problems for the first 2.5 weeks and used expressed milk in bottles to top up and had cracked nipples but then all the issues resolved and we had a great 13 months more bf.

Breastfeeding wasn't an option for me. I harvested colostrum before baby was born, which he got via syringe, and tried expressing for a couple of weeks but it was miserable, I was devastated until a midwife and a very supportive friend reminded me my baby would thrive on formula or breast, and happy mum equals happy baby.

My friend had a miserable time breastfeeding for the first 4 weeks and although it is going well now, she did tell me that through weeks of midwife/breastfeeding advisor/family support, she wished just one of them had told her that it's totally okay to use formula.

I've never looked back and honestly have no regrets about formula feeding my happy, healthy baby.

If baby has been breast feeding even for the first week she will already have had the "liquid gold" (colostrum) which is a really good start.

I've failed to BF both of mine - one wouldn't latch and the other left me with bleeding nipples and in agony. There was very little support and what there was was utter crap so hopefully you'll get more support next week.

I've never found FF to be a hassle at all, you just have to be a bit organised to make sure you've got bottles and milk. I'm very pleased to live in an era of perfect preps, ready made cartons and electric sterilisers! I didn't like that feeling with BF that it was all on me - the ideal would have been to combi feed but it just didn't work for me.

I switched to bottles after two weeks, but pumped (with a few formula feeds that I could count on one hand) until he was six months old, and then switched to formula.

It worked best for me, I don’t regret it. I find most people, whether they decided to switch to formula or persevere with breastfeeding, end up happy with the way it turned out.
Pumping is very time consuming, but it was the early pandemic and we weren’t really going anywhere anyway so I was able to do it pretty easily.

I had to go into hospital after mine lost too much weight in the first 5 days due to struggling to bf. They gave her formula and to see her feeding so easily was a game changer. I didn't realise how much I was struggling emotionally when she was struggling to feed. Got home and kept trying to a while but she just didn't take to it and when I gave the formula we were both so much happier. Eventually I stopped trying to bf and from then on Everythint was better and easier

I switched to FF at about 2 weeks for all the reasons you describe. I was beginning to hate the baby and dreaded her waking up.
DH made the decision for me - he went out and bought all the kit wig out telling me. It was such a relief that someone else had made the decision and I never looked back from there.
Two healthy children - now healthy adults - with less than average childhood ailments whilst growing up.

With my first I breastfed until 6 months (with a bottle of formula a day from 8 weeks) and I was really hard on myself about stopping at 6 months. With my second I just decided not to after about 3 days as I just had a mental block on it and I have no regrets; I had the odd small twinge of realising night feeds would be easier when breastfeeding but that was short lived when I realised that with formula DH could do the early morning feed while I slept

I switched to formula for various reasons with all three of mine (ranging from week 6 to day 2) and no regrets whatsoever. A fed baby is a happy baby be that on a boob, expressed from a bottle or formula. And once they're weaned no one can tell how they were fed either.

I did both. I breastfed and then pumped once my nipples we cracked in half. Then I formula fed. I reckon you should try breastshields to give your nipples a break. I envied my BF friends. While I was carrying round sterilised bottles, formula, one bottle with cooled boiled water. One with hot boiled water. They were out with their boobs. Your baby is only a week old. They are learning as are you. If you do switch to formula it's not a disaster but it is lots of washing, sterilising and faffing.

I struggled on for 6 weeks with my first. In hindsight, really wished I had stopped so much earlier. A fed baby is a happy baby is definitely the way to view it. Enjoy those new born cuddles and let as much of the angst go as you can.

I really struggled this time around with breast feeding ( he is my second) the first week I was in tears from the pain as he was trying to feed constantly because he wasn't getting anything as my milk didn't come in for 5 days. I did consider formula feeding because he lost a lot of weight but I couldn't face sorting all the bottles when I was already so tired. I stuck with it and at two weeks in, it was easier and then 3 and 4 were easier still. By 6 weeks we had it all established nicely. I am so glad I did keep at it even though I hated it.
He is now 12 weeks and it makes life so much easier just being able to go out and not worry about feeding because I can just stick him on the boob if he wants it.
But my friend is equally happy with her decision to stop breastfeeding her now 7 week old when he was 2 days old.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

I didn't experience TT with my BF baby but I did struggle the first couple of weeks to get a good latch and learn how to get myself into a comfortable position.
My LO was losing weight and I felt like I was failing and was so so close to giving up but like you I was keen for the 'easiness' of BFeeding. There were 2 turning points for me. A really lovely midwife told me formula wasn't poison and if the baby needed a top up of formula then it really isn't the end of the world and you can still continue ebf. Which we did.
The second was showing me how to bf lying down! Game changer for me! We managed to ebf for 8 months then combi feed for another 6 months.
I still miss the closeness and feeling of Bfeeding and after having only formula fed my first baby I loved not having all the bottle washing and sterilising to do!

Do what ever is best for you but my advice would be to just give it a week or so more.
Good luck

Think about what you want to do. That’s the best thing to do. I was where you are and deep down I knew I did now want to be breastfeeding long term. I still absolutely support those who do, it wasn’t the right thing for me at that time. I did envy those of my friends who didnt have to carry round all different flasks to make milk on the go. Going on holiday worried me, all the extra stuff, will the water be ok so I didn’t go.

I know friends who breastfed and hated it, but their baby’s wouldn’t have anything else. Also some people who breast fed long term and loved it! What do you want to do? It’s very early days and you are both learning together. You wouldn’t expect to be taking a car far on the road during your first week of lessons!

I had so many issues BF my first. Infections, bleeding nipples, it was awful. I persevered as I was so determined to do it (family history of breastcancer, IVF baby meaning I wanted something that was as nature intended). It got better after a few weeks. Week 3 was the hardest for me. But the fact you've already got a LC is great. No one really helped me til week 5/6 lactation consultant didn't come til week 8/9!

I don't regret the difficulty of it. It was the best thing for us even if it was so hard. It became so easy that didn't stop until my 2nd baby was almost 2! I didn't have issues feeling the 2nd as I was still going.

Has the tie been divided? If not you need that done as it's clearly impacting on feeding. I found with my youngest that once the tie was done he fed really well but with some babies it takes a bit of time after the snip for then to get feeding established.

My eldest didn't have a tie but it took ten weeks for feeding to be totally comfortable and then it was brilliant, so convenient and we carried on for years.

If breastfeeding is important to you then get the tie divided and get support with feeding. You can call the breastfeeding network helpline as well as go to local drop ins.

Firstly , if you need to switch to formula do it. Baby will come to no harm.

But if you want to keep breastfeeding i would suggest seeing if you've got any local support groups. I had problems and found getting help from a lactation consultant helped loads. Small adjustments to position saved my nipples.

Thank you all so much for thoughtful responses.

A couple of thoughts occur reading your posts:

• I don’t think breast feeding is that important to me. I want to get my baby fed in a manner that is best for us, which for me factors in convenience, pain (lack thereof), sharing the load and how enjoyable the experience is for both of baby and me (BF is scoring pretty darn low on all of these so far).
• I know health factors should matter to me, but now he’s had colostrum I don’t think these are significant enough to factor in my decision.
• In terms of sharing the load, I’d always planned on mixed feeding. I know you can express but this just doesn’t appeal to me - it seems like just moving the work of feeding to a different time of day and using a device instead of a baby! Ie not the complete break for me/my boobs that Id want.

They always say don't give up on a bad day, which is very good advice.

I combi fed one child and I EBF the other. EBF was sooooooooo much easier. Add to that combi feeding didn't really share that much load. Out of 14 bottle feeds a week my son had, 10 were done by me because DH was at work. Even those at weekends were me as I'd got into my own pattern of making the formula and giving it.

Sharing the load for me meant DH doing everything else while I focused on feeding baby.

Combi feeding also meant a lot more work in terms of bottles and sterilising etc. my son needed special formula which didn't come in premade so we had to make all bottles from scratch.

It sounds like a lot of these issues will get resolved quite quickly. Nipple cream will help and it's like wearing in shoes, the pain will stop soon.

I found 4 months to get the golden time of breastfeeding. Things are more established, baby was in a pattern and I was living the dream of picking baby up and just going where I needed without a ton of kit.

Perhaps it would help to think in terms of little milestones - make it to the tongue tie revision and see how you go,

Then 3 months, 6 months, 9 months etc. as they get older it gets easier and then once you start weaning it gets easier still.

DS was born in lockdown one. Really struggled to BF and couldn't access any help. Did a horrible mix of trying to BF, pumping and FF for 6 weeks and then switched to FF. It was like a weight off my shoulders when we switched to FF and didn't realise how it was affecting my mental health until afterwards.

DD was a bit more similar to you. Tongue tie which we got cut privately at about 3 weeks. Was painful but powered on through. We were combi feeding though so would give a bottle of formula when I needed a break. It took about 5/6 weeks for BF to become 'easy' and continued to combi feed for about 3 months. I never saw myself as someone who would breastfeed for a long time, but I am pleased I was successful.

DD is now FF and it can be a faff out and about but tbh I mainly use ready made cartons while I'm out and remember it's only for a year by and then you'll be carrying round a supermarkets worth of snacks with you!

Make whatever decision is best for you and your family and ignore any judgements either way. DS isn't even two yet but I look back and can't believe I wasted so much time agonising over FF/BF. He is healthy and happy and how he was fed for the first few months of his life really isn't significant.