Newborn help! those who switched to formula and were happy they did and those who persevered with BF?

[KiwiDramaQueen]

Hello really keen to hear from those of you who switched to formula for your newborn and those who considered it but stuck BF.

Background:
Have a 1 week old and we’ve been having BF issues and I’m considering switching to formula. As background, I’m not sentimental about BF so I think my only regrets are likely to be practical ones.

Reasons for considering formula:

• Baby has posterior tongue tie and initially had problems latching although I’m told he’s now capable of a good latch (I struggle to get him on with a good latch though)
• My nipples have been quite damaged in the first week and that’s making my experience with him worse and making those sleepless nights of feeding harder
• He fights the nipple. Thrashing his head about, flailing arms, stuffing hands in mouth. My partner has to help me by holding his hands away.
• I’m struggling to get comfortable during feeds. I need lots of pillow support and I’m still getting hand and back pain. My partner has to help me adjust the support once baby is latched. We use rugby ball hold as this is the only way he will latch properly.

For me, the main attraction of breastfeeding was the practicality aspect - being able to feed him anywhere with little fuss. But I need so much support I can’t even imagine feeding him out and about, let alone what I’m going to do when my partner goes back to work in a week. Also with the amount of fighting he does before going on the nipple combined with the rugby ball hold which is more exposed I’m going to be sitting with my boob on display for ages which doesn’t appeal.

By comparison the formula feeds we’ve given him have been very quick and easy to do, and it’s something others can help with.

I’ve had a lactation consultant in and we’re going to a tongue tie specialist next week but I’m wondering whether I’m flogging a BF dead horse because I feel like what’s what I SHOULD do when actually maybe life would be simpler if I switched to formula?

Thanks in advance for your experiences/advice.

I was never desperate to breastfeed and tbh had the midwife asked how I was feeding I would have said formula (had it all with me) but in the throes of giving birth etc baby went on my breast and I carried on for 2 weeks.

Nipples were in agony, baby was cluster feeding and I was exhausted. Partner wanted to help but couldn't so we bought a breast pump. Did this for another 2 weeks but decided it was all too much as I felt I still wasn't getting much relief as I was pumping for hours a day.

Switched for formula after 5 weeks (when my pumped milk ran out) and it was the best decision for us. I felt guilty (even though I shouldn't have) but baby had the colostrum and 5 weeks of milk so it was more than I had initially intended.

I don't think sterilising bottles and having ready made formula when you're out is that much of a faff tbh. I'm not sure how comfortable I would have been whipping a boob out so I don't really mind.

As an example of how I’m feeling right now I had a nap this afternoon and just wanted to cry afterwards as I didn’t want to come downstairs and see him as I knew I would need to BF. I’d spent pretty much most of the morning with him constantly feeding.

I feel like this is really affecting my ability to establish a bond with him. I can’t change the sleepless nights but I could, potentially, change this.

These first few weeks are so hard. Everything can seem like a huge mountain to climb.

I still stand by the 'don't stop on a bad day' saying. If on a great breastfeeding day you decide to stop then you're less likely to regret it or have any 'what if' feelings.

So much about breastfeeding in the first 6 weeks or so is about pushing through and getting used to it.

I did both and found ff much easier and less faff than bf! Bottles are easy to clean and can either be left in a cold water steriliser (tablet of Milton in a bowl, leave all of them in there, you don’t even need to rinse them to use), or the mam bottles just microwave to sterilise (no fancy contraptions needed). I just made sure I had enough bottles for 1-2 days so there was no pressure to wash up all the time. I had a perfect prep at home and used the ready made cartons whilst out. Literally every supermarket/boots etc sells them and the ready to go bottles, so you don’t need to worry about not bringing enough. I liked being able to share feeding. And knowing how much they were drinking. I found bf so much hassle, I didn’t have the right clothes and spent loads on pumps, bras, nipple protectors, creams, cooling pads etc.

I could have written this six weeks ago. Right down to the rugby ball position and having DH hold her hands back. And tongue tie too.
It does get better. I’m so glad I kept going. She doesn’t put her hands in her mouth anymore, in fact she rests her little hands on me and it’s lovely. She will happily latch on different angles and without all the pillows (we call it her pillow fort!) sometimes, although when we’re at home she still likes her fort!
It’s so much easier to feed her out and about than having to faff with bottles.
I would recommend nipple shields, just to tide you over. They really helped her get used to positions and one day she just didn’t need them.
Having said all that, if it’s causing you upset then don’t break yourself trying. I would say this is bonding time and if you’re not able to bond it’s not worth it.

Had the same feelings as you about the bonding, have to say when I stopped bf and pumping I felt a huge weight off my shoulders as I was becoming very resentful. I felt like I could finally start enjoying my baby and have no regrets at all.

Wait until you get the tongue tie sorted. That’s what I did and it made an absolute world of difference. Kept on breastfeeding as jt was so much easier and cost me nothing! But that was us. My son wouldn’t actually take a bottle.

Also a week is really nothing and I liked that it was something just for us.

When is your appointment with the lactation consultant?

Tried breastfeeding my first and really hated it. Quickly changed to formula and I think we were both happier with it. Straight on formula with my second. Never regretted it.

OP have you tried expressing? Why don’t you do a mix for now, but keep pumping to encourage your supply, and then see how things go after you’ve had the tongue tie sorted?

Hi OP

Breastfeeding was very difficult for me for the first month - premature baby couldn’t latch, had to pump to ensure they were feeding enough, very painful when they did feed, felt like a cow because of cluster feeding. But I preserved through sheer guilt, and now (5 months later) I really don’t know what I would do without it. It is SO easy - easy to feed, easy to comfort, anywhere and anytime.

One week after birth is a seriously rough time and I wouldn’t assume that all of the difficult feelings you’re having are definitely because of breastfeeding. Whatever you decide, everything does get easier from here.

I felt the same as you - I wasn't particularly tied to bf but ended up doing doing it anyway. It was lockdown and I had no support but I read and read about it so I knew that nipple pain, latch issues etc were all normal in the early days. Throw in hormones and tiredness and it's a storm in a teacup. I was pretty much just glued to the sofa for the first month constantly feeding. Yes it was hard but my husband did absolutely everything else so the load was shared that way. At 4 months I decided to introduce formula but she was allergic and so we continued bf. She's now 10 months and honestly it really is wonderfully easy. I love the closeness we get from it and I am so proud of what I've done (though I don't say that to anyone in RL). It's ultimately up to you and what you want and think is best. People kept saying that to me though and I just felt like saying but I don't know what's best! It's so hard. Your baby will be happy either way!

I struggled hugely when little one had a posterior tongue tie. I preserved and I'm so glad I did because once we got established it got so so much easier and was super convenient just being able to head out without worrying about taking bottles and formula, making bottles, sterilising bottles etc. I also have no idea how I would parent without the magic boob which can calm him within moments no matter how fractious he is.

Has his tongue tie been separated? That made a huge difference for us. As did the support of an IBCLC. We also had to use nipple shields for the first month or so and they were a godsend. Made it easier for him to latch and helped my nipples heal too. It was a hard slog initially, even after it was separated, but I'd do it again.

Also glad I did because it turned out he has a dairy allergy, which would have been harder to manage with formula.

I think you have a really good attitude to the whole thing- ie. if bfing works then great, if not ff is fine as well.

It sounds like you’re able to think about it quite logically- it’s easier to be confident in your decision if you know it was made for good reasons.

Hi Op, I felt quite similar to you except for some reason I got obsessed with breastfeeding in the hospital 😂 I think I was very vulnerable and scared of doing the wrong thing. We had a crazy routine for feeding and I was absolutely exhausted and counting down the feeds til the tongue tie was cut - nights were agony and it was just awful. However after a couple more terrible weeks it totally settled and I breastfed for best part of the year. I really enjoyed breastfeeding. But then I stopped at a year to go back to work and had to do a transition to bottle and formula and then just recently to milk and a cup. It kind of made me realise how short a time you might actually breastfeed for. For me I think it was worth it ... but it was a close call. It really messed up my first few weeks of knowing my son xx

I bf my first dc for about 9 months without too many issues. My 2nd dc I switched to formula at about 3-4 weeks. They were a Velcro baby. Feeding constantly and only catnapping all day and night. After their first formula feed they slept for 4 hours straight!

Do whatever works for you and baby.
...and congratulations

I couldn't breastfeed so formula fed with no issues. DS is in rude heath and we have a great bond. Do what works for you.

I was determined to breast feed but mine also had tongue tie. My nipples were raw and I used to cry every time I fed. I was so relieved when I switched to bottles and FF. I was a much happier mother. My children are young adults now. No-one cares how they were fed and I wish I hadn't got myself into such a state about breastfeeding.

I would say don’t make a decision to stop based on your experience of this first week. The first few weeks are SO hard in my experience, mine were very similar to yours and it felt impossible that we would ever be able to go out and about and feed etc. I wanted to breastfeed for long term convenience (especially during night feeds) and ultimately that’s what gave me the drive to carry on. I mix fed from early on too which gave me a break and helped me to heal. Maybe set yourself a target and say you’ll decide in another week and mix feed until then and then see how you feel. You might find things have massively improved

Most FTMs I know that have breastfed (myself included) have wanted to quit at week 1. It is the hardest point. It will get easier and nipples will heal. It is so convenient once you get going - you just need to make it past the first few tough weeks first.