Really want a girl....

[worriedmummyofboys]

Wasn't sure what section to put this in so here we go. I have a moral dilemma. I have 2 gorgeous young boys who I'm super close to (both under age 5) but despite that I still yearn for a daughter. Every time I see a little girl at a baby class or whatever I feel envious. Spoken to my hubby who has clarified we can't afford it and why Rick the boat etc plus no guarantee of a girl. We would deffo have to move house and car it's a huge expense and my head says all the sensible stuff but my heart says otherwise

How do I get past this? And yes if I had 2 girls I would prob want a boy so it's nothing against boys I guess I just want to experience both

I don't have time on my side to wait a few years

Why do you feel envious? Can you put your finger on exactly why?

Dd's are overrated ime!!
I do loads with my ds's..
Living with 2 x teen dd's is a living hell.
Ime

Oh prepare yourself op - a flurry of comments about how there’s no difference between boys and girls. Of course there are differences, but lots of things in life people can’t have due to circumstances- you need to keep focusing on how lucky you are with the children you have.

Well how would you feel if number 3 was a boy? I have 3 ds and everyone was sure I'd have a dd the 3rd time (I didn't care either way so wasn't a factor for me) but you can't have more and more dc purely because you want one of a specific sex - it may never happen!

I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that I’d be disappointed by an as yet conceived 3rd child of the same sex as the previous two. I just couldn’t in my heart bring a child into this world knowing there was a 50/50 risk that I would be disappointed by them before they were even born, it just feels too cruel. For me that’s how I would make my peace with it, it’s too risky and completely unfair to a potential third boy.

*unconcieved

Babies are so innocent, they don’t deserve anyone to feel like that about them. It’s not a gamble I’d be willing to take.

Could you try and explain why you think raising a girl would be different to raising your boys?

@PolkaSpace

Why do you feel envious? Can you put your finger on exactly why?

As neutral as we are there are certain things that people buy girls toys and clothes that are different. I see the appeal. I personally dress my DS & DD for comfort, but I'm not immune to a cute dress now and again ( although I'm not into frills and my MIL says the ones I buy look like nightdresses.) My boy and my girl, are incredibly similar it's scary.

@worriedmummyofboys Are your boys similar in personality ? I have a relative that went for number 3 and has 3 boys now, but two friends who both got a girl as number 3 and a friend the other way around who got two DD's then a DS. I also know one couples who had IVf and selected the gender abroad to get their DD.

You are entitled to wish for something. Don't be at all hard on yourself. A lot of people cannot have children and that is worse yes, but also a different issue.

🎀♀️🍀🤞

@twodayisarightoff

Out of interest what toys do you buy differently? I have not experienced this with mine.

I felt like you. I had a girl after two boys. The two boys have been better sons than my daughter has been a daughter. It isn’t as simple as you might think.

I agree with @ShadowPuppets, that's a very good post.

Also, no one gets everything they want in life. Some things you are just never going to get. You need to accept that and be grateful for what you have - because you are very lucky to have 2 children, and to have a good and loving relationship with them.

I don’t think there’s ‘no difference between boys and girls’ as PP has said, but I don’t think those differences are guaranteed or even that generalisable.

Friend has one DC - a girl - whose turned out to be super-sporty and footie obsessed and spends all her time bending her mum’s ear about her favourite team and the finer details of goals she scored/ nearly scored at her own matches. In other words, not a ‘typical girl’ and spending weekends freezing her arse off on the sidelines probably wasn’t what friend envisaged doing with her teenaged DD when she was a little girl obsessed with pink, sparkles and Disney princesses.

Similarly your DSes could end up being into stereotypically ‘girly’ things like fashion.

That being said, I do get it. It’s hard to let go of our preconceptions and expectations of what our children will be and mean for us.

My DSis has two boys and admits she had similar feelings of grief for the daughter she never had. But those feelings faded as her boys got older and now (they’re teens) I don’t think she thinks about it at all

Grrrr who’s not whose

I understand how you feel, these things might be irrational but it doesn't mean your feelings aren’t valid. We can only have two and I have a Dd and a DS and really wanted my DD to have a sister. Its ridiculous but I can’t watch Frozen or things like that without thinking about it - I know IABU. And those feelings come from a place of thinking about what we don’t have. If you can have a mental list of what you do have to hand that really helps me.

@Qwill well I mostly kept DS stuff quite neutral and saved it all for next DC, but number 2 was a DD. She has additionally had dolls, dolls house and pushchair. Not to say that boys can't have these things or enjoy playing with them but generally speaking she is much more into them. DS enjoyed wheels, so would have appreciated a pushchair, but there was some at the toddler group he went to.
When DS turned 2 he really graduated to mechanical stuff and cars, DD has recently gone more towards animals and dolls. We had a total mix of things when babies like farms, trucks, Duplo blocks, sensory stuff, figures, and balls. But again there is a absolutely no rule about what interest boys and girls and lots of cross over. Both have loved having a play kitchen with microwave! My DD is only 2 now, and at the moment she loves football as big brother does it since starting reception. He didn't like it as a toddler, but school influences them.

One mum I know with boys says she's gutted she'll never buy the cute little school gingham dresses. So I suppose some of it is a bit of reliving your life growing up. I personally never did dance or ballet and I would like my DD to at least get to try it. I have really enjoyed buying my now teenage nieces things I loved as a child.

I think if you can dig deep and figure out why you want a girl so much that may help. I have to DS’s and thankfully they haven’t inherited a blood disorder I carry (50% chance with each DS). After I had them I still longed for a DD but I’ve actually realised that it would only be trying to create a close daughter mother relationship which I don’t have with my own mum. Funnily enough I went to a play date recently and on seeing this ott girls bedroom I am even more thankful for my boys. Good luck.

After i had dc2 and he was a boy i lov3d him so the comment upthread that you shouldnt have a child you dont know you can love is immature.

My relationship with my dd has always been easier. My son is only 15 and so monosyllabic now. It's v depressing. Nothing to do with love. I love them both.

DS1 is far more communicative and companionable with me than DD1 is at the young adult stage. Not sure about DC3 yet.

You might get a boy from a further pregnancy, you might get a committed tomboy. How would those outcomes feel? Do you have a sense that mother daughter relationships are intrinsically different from mother son relationships? Is it the shared experience of biological sex you hanker for? Or gendered clothes and paraphernalia? Something else?

If you could analyse and describe it, it might help you towards a more defined POV.

I had a girl as my no.3, after two boys.

I am glad I experienced both, and totally understand how you feel.
I love them all equally, and wouldn’t be without any of them. I’d go for it if I were you.

Tbh, I can't relate to this kind of attitude at all. It's so filled with first world entitlement. Sorry OP but my daughter was stillborn, my son who came after her is my absolute world. I've had 9 miscarriages in three years. Count your blessings as wishing for something you don't have is just a road to eternal unhappiness.

Flip the coin if you want.. again..

May never stop and I think it's pretty common. Many choose not to stretch things but many others do, I know lots with 2 of 1 and 1 of the other.

We had a boy and girl. Didn't stop me craving more, had 4 more girls (1 set of twins). We would love another boy but not sure if I'm willing to put myself through miscarriages/pregnancy/birth again, money and space wise we'd make it work if we wanted one enough. DH couldn't hide his disappointment at gender scans with our twins and youngest, got over it quickly though.

I am reading all these sorry for late reply

I can't put my finger on why. I really don't know. My boys personalities well it's hard to say for now As so young. Older one is almost 4 he's very serious and solemn ar times but crazy and laughing the next. He's a total mummy's boy and still needs me a lot whereas my 17 month old is super independent

Op it’s such a normal feeling - and I think so many people make you feel bad about it. Why wouldn’t you want to experience both? And as a woman yourself of course there is a part of you who wants a girl. I went for a 3rd after 2 boys and was lucky enough to get a girl. I’m extremely close to my boys and I do feel like I’ll probably be closest to them still as adults as I think we have the most in common and are most similar personalities. That said I am grateful every day that we did get a chance to have a girl and while I do sometimes feel guilty for feeling that, it doesn’t change it!