Really want a girl....

[worriedmummyofboys]

Wasn't sure what section to put this in so here we go. I have a moral dilemma. I have 2 gorgeous young boys who I'm super close to (both under age 5) but despite that I still yearn for a daughter. Every time I see a little girl at a baby class or whatever I feel envious. Spoken to my hubby who has clarified we can't afford it and why Rick the boat etc plus no guarantee of a girl. We would deffo have to move house and car it's a huge expense and my head says all the sensible stuff but my heart says otherwise

How do I get past this? And yes if I had 2 girls I would prob want a boy so it's nothing against boys I guess I just want to experience both

I don't have time on my side to wait a few years

It's a normal feeling. I always imagined my first would be a girl. I have boys, youngest is upper primary and the desire for a girl disappeared years ago. Love my boys, they frustrate me sometimes but they also make me laugh lots. They are all very different. I'm very happy with my lot.

It's a normal feeling. I always imagined my first would be a girl. I have boys, youngest is upper primary and the desire for a girl disappeared years ago. Love my boys, they frustrate me sometimes but they also make me laugh lots. They are all very different. I'm very happy with my lot.

@twodayisarightoff
But dance/ballet is for both sexes? Just look at Matthew Bourne’s epic productions, let alone the classics - they wouldn’t happen without men. Dolls and prams are also unisex, men push prams and hold babies. I do think we spend more time focussing on gender stereotypes than just letting children play with whatever they like, and that’s hard as we all have inbuilt prejudices. My mother bought me all sorts of toys and I loved Lego, the mini kitchen, and all the animal and science toys. My brother came along a few years later and loved the dolls, Lego, and the dressing up box. My friend’s boy loved the colour pink until he went to school, then all of a sudden he didn’t wear it again. I find it sad that it’s more socially acceptable for girls to like more traditionally boy things than the opposite. I know so many little boys who love romping about in tutus, but their dads (and it’s mostly the dads that complain), ban it. No wonder people want to try and change their sex when what they like, as individuals, is frowned upon in society.

I had a third boy, I was devastated. Honestly devastated (depressed) it was an awful time & hated myself for being such an evil, selfish person. Still have bad thoughts now & hate myself.

He’s 10 months now & a lovely baby, I love my boys to bits. But when will it end? 4/5/6 boys? There is no guarantee of a girl at all, in fact it’s more likely to be a boy statistically.
I’d say go for it but prepare to hate yourself if it’s a boy & you feel awful. I hoped they would be wrong right until he was born. I’d had thoughts of miscarriage etc. I’ve had 3 pregnancies & 3 healthy babies, for me to even thing these thoughts sent me over the edge to be honest!

I still would love a daughter but there’s no way I could do that again… plus I don’t believe a daughter is your best friend etc as I’m certainly not close to my mum!

(I’ll reiterate that I love my children & id do anything for them - I know this sounds awful
& living it was)

Yeh, i dont think im my daughters best friend. My son was adorable and lived on my knee til he was about 5! Such a dote. Now he never speaks to me. I love my dc exactly the same but it is easier with my dd.

However my mum is awful to me. I cannot get on with her at all. My brother gives out to me for not knuckling under her narrative, so.... he is an adult v close to his mother.

I had a girl first. I prayed all pregnancy that it would be a girl. I felt so overwhelmed when that happened.

Pregnancy #2 (had 8 years of infertility for #1 so this was unexpectedly amazing) and I wanted and hoped it would be another girl.

It was a boy.

I was thrown completely off guard.

Move on a decade. My DD is a moody, boy-ish very non typical girl. She never wanted dolls or hugs or make up. She’s into running and climbing.

DS is so huggy and affectionate. He’s the one who will go shopping with me, share the sofa, bake, and chat. He’s just the easiest company.

I hope DD will ‘come back’ once the hormonal years are over, but honestly, I could never have predicted this.

My friend had 4 girls..the last 3 in the hope of a son. My aunt had 7 boys. I would not have a third child hoping for girl.

I try to under react to teen silences because i dont think they're personal. Im hoping my son will be chatty again one day.

50/50 willing to give another baby a gamble?

My DDs all do traditional "boy" sports!! Freezing my butt off watching Footie and rugby for years 🤦🏼‍♀️

More seriously you have to consider all the other risks of having a 3rd, what if they have serious health issues or disabled. What about the time and financial impact on your existing DC?

I think kids aren’t always who or what you expect them to be. So while the idea of a daughter might be one image an actual DD might be very different.

My friend wanted a girl... she had 3 boys first... be thankful for the beautiful ds you have and forget it as sounds like dh isn't on board with another dc anyway.

@Qwill look yeah you're right, but sorry I don't see many people buying their DS dolls houses and prams. Call it sexist, stereotypical and yes it should be different, but that is how it is now. Many women will love buying their DDs typical girls toys, just as many Men will hope their DS are into their sport be it football / rugby. There will be girls at football and boys at ballet, but it's the minority.

@twodayisarightoff
I agree it’s terribly stereotypical, but also many women will love buying their daughter a football, or their son a knitting /crochet set. My dad bought me a cricket bat as that’s what he loved, and I was so influenced by it I played county cricket! If you love something, then share it with both sexes of children. I have a fond memory of my dad taking me to a football match. He also took me and my brother swimming, but that was the main stand out event because it was just me and him (without my mum or brother). If everyone went with the thought that ‘that’s just how it is’, then nothing would change, women would not have the vote, people would have slaves, etc. If you’re worried you can’t share your hobby with your child because their not the same sex as you, then I think that’s a crying shame and everybody misses out.

@Qwill the point for many is part of wanting a girl is about "girl" toys, clothes, sharing the thing you loved as a girl. Sharing that girl experience. My mum was a toy boy, and I wasn't brought up particularly to be girly, but I still get it. And yes the little cherubs then don't like what you hope they will, but it doesn't stop you imagining. To be fair I adore my DC, but they aren't one bit like I imagined they'd be and I struggle with that.

@twodayisarightoff
And that’s exactly what I’m saying. Your mum by the sounds of things wanted to share the things she loved. You liked certain things and want to share them. It doesn’t matter if you share those things with a son or daughter, they’ll either like it or not - like you did. As you’ve said, it’s all about your expectations and then struggling when your offspring don’t or do want the same. It’s when people try and say some things are ‘girls’ experiences when it’s just social constructs. My mum and brother used to bond over knitting. They both loved it. I love opera and heavy metal, I would love my children to love it too as we could share great experiences with live music. Yes, I guess I would be disappointed if they didn’t, but I wouldn’t allocate that enjoyment or my expectation of them based on their chromosomes.

My daughter and I are very different but we are both women and we could go on holiday together just the two of us and may well do at some point i hope. That will never happen with my son. When it's just us at home, me and my DD, we are easier in each other's company, a bit of nudity for 2 seconds in the landing isn't something to be so mindful of. But with a son in the house, it's different. It's nothing to do with ''gender'' which is bollix anyway, it's to do with being the same sex. That is seriously common ground.

@UserBotLurking9to5 your posts are quite sad actually, you would seriously never go on holiday with your son? Eh?

Anyway, it’s completely irrelevant as OP has two sons and NO guarantee #3 would be a girl regardless.

He wouldnt come is the point where 🙄
Dont try to be an armchair psychologist.

@worriedmummyofboys I’ve got two boys, and I understand the desire for a girl. I’ve never opted to find our sex at the scans so only found out what I had at birth. A very small part of me was disappointed I’d not had a girl both times but first time it was because I had no experience as a mother and how wonderful having a boy is. Second time was because I thought one of each would be nice but it lasted only two months and I wouldn’t change either of my boys for the world. I love them so much and am so grateful for them. DH would like another two children, I think I’d have one more (four kids sounds ALOT!! But 3 sounds manageable) I’d expect a third to be another boy and would be very surprised if I conceived a girl! And would be ttc because we want another child not to “try” for the opposite sex.
It has to be because you want a the child not the label girl/boy. My best friend has just had a little girl and she told me she was pregnant when I’d just had my second so I did find it a bit hard to hear she would be having a girl… it’s normal to be curious to experience what it’s like to have both but however you achieve it, you need to move past the hang ups about your children’s sex/gender. Either that or pay for sperm sorting to get a girl which has ethical issues.

It’s a tough one. I have two boys then a girl and did want to experience dd relationship

But there are no guarantees obviously re what you’ll have next

If you would like another child and want to lean it naturally towards having a girl try gender swaying, I looked into it after my run of girls as wanted to add another boy, worked for me x 4! I used the genderdreaming site and method.

@Mummywantsaweewee I would pay to get a girl if that's what I wanted. I was so sure if have a second boy ( didn't find out with either until birth) that when DD was born it was a big shock and I almost went for a third to get another boy 😂 But then the terrible twos started!