Undecided about no 3 or not.help!!! :)

[puccaupunderthemistletoe]

Dh & I have been discussing about going for a possible dc no 3, we have dd (almost 4) and ds (16 mths).

I hate being pg, and it would prob mean another section (which i loathed) but i can't shake this idea of having another off. Probably both sides of family would be mortified, as both sides are both typical of the 2 kids and thats it, plus of course we have one of each so our family is complete now .

Is it sooooo much harder with 3 than 2? just don't know whether to go for it or not lol. I suppose i am scared too of how much harder life will be.

HELP!! i have done a similar thread to this before but my brain still in turmoil.

I also felt we were pushing our luck with regard to having another healthy baby but we were older and had more experience and so felt we could cope if there were any problems. Obviously I don't know if we would have but the chances are everything will be fine.
Last night DD2 went to her Nana's to sleepover so we had the older 2 watch tv with us and we had a take away and a nice evening, DD1 has now walked the dog to Nana's house so I only have DS at home to occupy but he's on the ps2 upstairs while I get uniforms sorted for school tomorrow!
They have got to the point when there is enough time to give to each, as one or more of the others is off doing their own thing so they don't feel they haven't got enough attention, but I have big gaps so they have different needs.

I couldn't stop going on about whether to have no3 so in the end we just closed our eyes and jumped. All being well (very early days) we will have three under 5's in September (aaaaargh). I still wonder whether I have made the right decision but I would have always wondered the other way too - am just a worrier Can't believe I am going to have a 14 year old when I am 50

The trouble with threads like this is there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. So much depends on the personalities of the children (and the parents); the age gaps; the gender mix and of course your own personal circumstances- money, work, locality, housing situation.

I personally found the jump from one to two awful, and the third one just slotted in. When the fourth came along we barely noticed him. But I've just had a fifth after a 15.5 year gap and it's been quite an experience! Our teens love plastic bags and constantly bring them into the livingroom- didn't get that with 4 under 6s!

I've read on here a few times the advice to imagine yourself as an old lady. If you would regret not having another then have one. I always felt there was someone missing. (and I will be 60 with a teenager )

Such a difficult question.
We have 2, 4 and 2.5.
DH not keen on third but would go with 3rd if pushed, so I would have to be the pusher (always hard to have been the person to have made the decision)
Would probably love a third, but don't know for sure.
So much more difficult, and I would have to work my arse off if we had a third , (already work pretty hard)
I can see my DH's point however that life would be just simpler with 2.
I reckon if my DH wanted a third, we would definitely go for it, as I reckon you can always cope financially emotionally etc
So if your DH is up for it , then try to conceive and let nature take it's course.

Three is fab (says Kif hopefully patting her bump).

See my other thread...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2724/446745?stamp=080101210119

sorry www.mumsnet.com/Talk/2724/446745?stamp=080101210119

Pucca I've been thinking about this and remembered something my Dad always says. At the time he and my Mum had 2 daughters (late 60's/early 70's) then stopped at that "just because you mostly stopped at 2). They had a 3 bedroom house and filled the rooms and thought nothing more of it, just got on with the business of raising me and my sister.

About 5 years ago or so and since then, he has several times wondered out loud to us why they had no more - and wishes that they had (knowing what they know now - ie a grown-up family that turned out ok with kids of their own). My Mum has wistfully said that she'd probably have a grown-up son by now!

So like evenhope's advice, try and imagine yourself in 30-40 years' time and how you might feel (difficult I know).

Snooks has reminded me.... when I became unexpectedly pregnant with our 3rd I thought, do I want to look back on my life when I'm old and remember how organisezed I was and how nice the clothes I wore were, or would I rather be visited in the nursing home by 3 children rather than 2, and possibly have a couple more grandchildren? (OK so I'm partly responsible for overpopulating the planet)

On the other hand 3 really is more hard work/expense than two.

i'm going to be completely honest.

number 3 for me was a completelyt surprise and i felt gutted. i really did not want another baby (although we could afford it). i didnt tell dh for the first few days after i found out and when i did, he was happy to have it. i was VERY unsure and didnt know if i could cope (dh works long hrs, away alot). i seriously thought about abortion.
I felt it was such a horrible decision - to have it could result in me having depression and not coping. however to abort the baby would destroy dh & mine relationsip. it was a no win situation. in the end i decided to keep the baby (although dh would have supported me if i'd chosen otherwise). But i did go through my whole pregnancy unsure and down. didnt enjoy it one bit.

now that baby is here, i have no regrets. it is hard but our family is now complete and we're not having another.

great, honest post lovecamping

I agree, that is a great post. I did a have depression for the first year or so, and money is tighter than I would like, but our family has a whole new dynamic, which is, over all very possitive. But I wish she would go to bed now!

lovecamping - really sympathise with your honest post as I myself am feeling all over the place about our third, due in July (meaning we'll have three under four years old). I just can't imagine coping to be honest! Dh and I are completely knackered all the time as it is and throwing a new born baby into the mix just seems like a recipe for disaster. This pregnancy wasn't planned - I was using a cap (obviously not particularly reliable as far as I'm concerned) and I feel like I just can't get my head round it.

the jump from 2 to 3 was much much harder than 1 to 2! As ds 3 was and still is very demanding. I have less time to spread between them all and holidays etc become a nightmare as most hotels wont accomodate larger families in 1 room - we need a bigger car too!

All said and done they are amazing and I wouldnt change a thing!!

thanks ladies.

puffbear - do you/will you have support around you? anyone that can take the two older ones to the park for an hour or two?

i am very lucky in that my neighbour has 3 kids (all older) and i get lots of help from her. i also have a couple of friends who also have 3 kids so i was able to talk to them loads about the logistics and emotional support. And i made dh change his work hrs so that he came home early one night a week. he also does more at weekends.

It has worked out well and i can say we are happy. although baby is now 10 mths, i am desparate to do something for myself - going to start training next year for something.

i'm not sure if i did have depression but there were days that life was just too HARD.

DH is also in agreement that we will NEVER have a fourth. although lots of people keep asking me ....

Pucca - I have this exact dilemma. I also have one of each ( both sections) and boy is a climber / full on toddler age (can't imagine being sick and pg with him and DD to look after).

We've just been on holiday and tbh everything was geared up to families of 4. All the practical reasons say 2 DC would be easier.... (cars, house, money)

My sister had accidental 3rd - got PND and had really HARD couple of years (put marriage under real strain). Talking to her gives me a reality check!

Still.... Even with all that considered I can't stop thinking about another. When I think about my family in 10 or 20 years I'd love to have more children.

I also worry about middle child syndrome. I know a few people from families of 3 who say it is hard being in the middle...... I love my DS so much I'd hate for him to feel pushed out.

Can I ask all of you on this thread who had the third baby in your late 30's or 40's whether your age was a big part of the decision in having a third. I mean was it 'now or never'?
I am the oldest of 4 siblings, have 2 DDs, 4.3 yo and 15mo, and am shocked to find myself wistfully thinking of what it would be like to have 3...but I'm 39.8 yo now and broke and this last year has been SO hard...

Age was def a factor for me. I will be 37 when this baby is here and have 3 under 3.8

If I was 10 years younger (or even 5) I would leave bigger gaps - say 2& half to 3 years at least.

i had number 3 in my early thirties. age was not a factor.

i really sympathiese(?) with you ladies on this thread who are in this dilemma. it must be hard. i think its VERY hard to ignore the want for children - whether a first or subsquent ones. i know that i would have tried for another baby if i wanted one and let fate decide.

i do consider myself very lucky to not to have to make this choice.

It is much harder having three. My first 2 are very active boys 8 and 6. I have a DD (2) and find it so tiring to do things with them altogether. I do but am very tired and often stressed as a result. DH works long hours, often away overnight.

Today it was great as a friend had my 2 year old while I took the other 2 out with a friend of DS1. It was so easy not having a push chair with me.

However I can not imagine life without number 3. She's made our life complete and if we'd not taken the plunge I'd definitely be feeling something was missing from our lives.

Go for it Pucca

If I was younger I'd consider a bigger age gap.
I feel I have to decide whether to try for no3 soon.

The idea of never having any more babies or pg also makes me feel old (like I'm just waiting for menopause!) - irrational weird emotion...

I'm another watching this thread with interest. Have ds 3.5 & dd 18m.

I suppose our biggest reason for not having another is financial - we couldn't afford 3 lots of nursery/after-school care without me going back to work full time. But I do intend going back to work f/t once they are both at school so part of me thinks of what the heck...!

Thanks once again for all the posts added since i last posted.

I am still umming and aahing.

Today i thought no feckin way! had a bad day with dd being the most demanding so far and ds, well just being ds! plus dh has a new job now, which is longer hours, no pattern to his hours and pretty much every week he is away at least one night, but....

i still keep thinking about a 3rd, i am also thinking what alot of people have said which is, i will never regret having a 3rd but may regret NOT having one.

I don't know

Thanks once again for all the posts added since i last posted.

I am still umming and aahing.

Today i thought no feckin way! had a bad day with dd being the most demanding so far and ds, well just being ds! plus dh has a new job now, which is longer hours, no pattern to his hours and pretty much every week he is away at least one night, but....

i still keep thinking about a 3rd, i am also thinking what alot of people have said which is, i will never regret having a 3rd but may regret NOT having one.

I don't know

Oooops