Married woman here,I seem to have it all,to the outsiders but am dying inside.I am Married to a nice man financially but emotionally and mentally draining man.He supports us financially so I feel lucky not to worry about finances while I stay home with our 3 and 5 year old kids. My issue is to him as long as he is bringing in the money,pays the bills(to be fair not all bills are paid in time (right away),I have found myself in a position where I have to call in to ask for more grace periods or installments.so even if he does his best with finances, we still struggle, but not so much to pressure me.
My problem is, he is a baby man at home even though successful in career. I find myself supervising him like a 2 year old. that would not be a problem if he didn't have the nastiest attitude when being corrected.For example,He doesn't pay attention to keeping anything he finds clean clean,or orderly.He is extremely disorganised.whereas I agree it's my job to clean the 4 stalled house because am a stay home mom(we can't afford a cleaner) .it is our responsibility to keep it clean as a family.I have no family I can return to for support for whatever ever since our kids were born, his family live far,they still work full time and cannot help with the kids.if they do it's once in 6months etc.So am tired,exhausted but he doesn't seem to understand where am coming from when I ask him to take the roll of mentioning things in order. He gets upset, throws tantrum when corrected etc,which makes me feel ungrateful that he is working his ass off,he tells me that too.each time I correct him,he shuts me up immediately or shuts me down.I feel I don't have an understanding person in him,I feel my feelings are not considered,on top of all these he doesn't keep his word,for example,I asked him to help with the kid's play room,it was a mess with toys (since he is not at home Monday to Friday, I proposed he takes care of the kids on Sundays,that was after I almost lost my mind with 2 kids ,by the were a new born an a 1year and 3months old .And sleep deprivation .he was always in bed on weekends as an entitlement for his day job.i had to make sure the kids didn't cry if I wanted a peace from him,otherwise he would storm the room and I would feel his wrath of being woken up from his sweet sleep.After a long struggle and fights both verbal and physical,I gave him an alternative and he was smart to step in to help hence him having a Sunday with the kids).
Even though I have had issues with the kids as my stress factors.My major stress factor is my husband. He doesn't listen to me.i get shut down immediately.so because of always being shut down, our problems are never solved which leaves me feeling angry,with time resentful.i have been battered before,latest was last Christmas (reason was because a day earlier we were invited by our neighbour since i have no family here, an
A little background about his family. is a blended family so they prefer to have the children of his step father over on Christmas and us on a later date because we have kids and they(his step brothers) don't plus his older sister doesn't like children. So his mother says with us present on Christmas at the same time as them,they won't have time for the kids.That's another story but, So am still afraid of leaving,because am financially totally dependant on him.I tried finding a night job, he shut me down about it ,saying the kids need me,his job will be on the line,he is always exalting his needs above my needs.his career above mine.yet he claims he didn't marry me to be a house wife etc and that he I don't have stress about finances. I feel he doesn't get it.he calls me nagging, and ungrateful but honestly I just want a listening ear and understanding heart from him.i am starting to believe am too much for him and hence seeing myself as a problem in his life. Any counselor would advise to talk to him about how I feel,but that's the problem, I can't talk to him.his mom has called me lazy and a person with excuses,reason because when the kids were born, I prioritised them over having a clean house,which he would take photos and send them to his family in return his family would call me dirty and messy,which wad the opposite, I was just choosing to take care of the kids who were under 2years at that time,so yeah,I don't have a listening ear from his family either.
After a long struggle, I managed to bring him to counseling, the first counselor,saw him as the problem and advised him to get further help but he never did,I brought in the second counselor, she said I was the strong one mentally and emotionally so I had to shoulder his behaviour because she believed he was not ready yet or there yet.so he doesn't get it .and needs time to be rehabilitated(he did nor a proper up bringing.he raised himself although his parents are still alive.)
I am at the stage where I want to check out completely but the problem because of his lack of understanding, he throws tantrum,if I sexually check out.we have a big house if he were understanding we would just seperate bedrooms and we don't have to see each on a daily basis as he works.but he doesn't instead confuses me that he loves me and doesn't want to lose me,yet,he won't let down his walls and be understanding.
Any help? Or anyone been there?