Yes the physical abuse has been on since I got pregnant with my first.I don't remember what the cause was but, in the middle of the argument, I left and went to the bedroom ofcourse I was pregnant so I didn't want to risk our baby.i tend to be quite when upset, so I got quite,and he tends to follow me everywhere when I walk away from the argument, at that time our apartment was small so I was in the bedroom. He comes and asks me to sit up so we can talk.i refused.He continues talking( something you may say explaining your side of the story) but when we have an argument and I stay quite,to me that's should be a sign that am not interested in the cat fight. I am trying to take a step back to process my feeling,something he did not understand and takes personal and comes and evades my spaces ,doesn't keep quite or let it be for a moment so we can revisit the topic later when we are both calm,he instead accuses me of ignoring him and giving him the silent treatment.i have let him know reasons why I would be quite in such situations, what he should etc he promised he would change(when we were not fighting) and yes ,he broke his word over and over again.For him,In an argument, he wants to go full force without holding back,yet he does alot of damage than a hurricane and with this, after such storms,I need along time to forgive and let go.So he doesn't give me the space to mourn my feeling and lost energy in the fight or nurse my wounds I sustained as he wants to for you to talk to him there and then after a fight.He has intentionally blocked me from going to bed in past as well, blocked me from walking out of the door to go to the only friend I had at that time in that village his reason is that she was divorced and could poison our marriage. He has broken my phones,laptops in the past.
so yes when I was pregnant,during an argument, he hit me on the head with a pregnancy pillow.you know the huge ones pregnant women use to support their bellies.Next time around 7months into the same pregnancy, he pushed me on the wall,and I was lucky the tall metallic open shoe stand(about a metre high) didn't cut my fat belly open.but it left me with a slight cut.
The next incident happened when our second kid was born, we had been fighting almost the whole day(yes whole day, he wouldn't control himself, so we fought in episodes, series,seasons whatever you may call it.like we start shooting a series about house hold trash recyclable trash,which was his only job at home which he never did without my supervision or countless reminders.in this particular incident he had not taken the recyclable trash out for about 6-8months.i was tired of reminding him and had give up.( didn't drive a car at the time,hence not being able to do it myself. ) so yeah that day after seeing so much trash on the balcony I was so upset,at myself that I couldn't drive, I mixed that with 3hour sleep since I had a newborn and a toddler,with little help from him.i was pushed to storm the room where he was still sleeping after a whole night of computer games. I confronted him.As always,he hates it when I confront or question him.That wad the cause of my battering.He would then do what I asked him to do with tantrum like a teenager. So I felt I had a newborn,a toddler and a teenager. I was OK with the newborn because they never physically abused me.
Alittle bit about my back ground, I come from a Christian home where submission in marriage is emphasised and women are responsible for home keeping.So I did not grow up seeing nasty arguments, hence my silence during arguements (I never knew how to argue or raise my voice,something he took advantage of.Then I learnt the hard way and started standing up to his bullying behaviour, Then I feel I became him,something I dread.
I have called police on him 2x the first time, I had come from work, shortly after our wedding, I was working an evening shift,since I couldn't drive I had about 4hours to and from.By the end of the day I would be destroyed as my job requires me to physically lift etc. I was working full time, and took care of the house hold full-time.i was tired,i returned at around 22:30,he wanted sex, I was not up for it, he took it personal, threw tantrum, I ignored him, went to bed, he came to give me forced cuddles, I let him I would rather sleep, he started from there,I left the room, to the bathroom locked myself there hoping the wind will die down, nope, he started shooting episode 2, I had work the next day so I needed sleep, like I said he always put his needs above mine hence not getting the point or empathising. I didn't know what to do,he was drinking wine and he threw the glass down,started walking in the floor with broken glasses, I felt scared for him and me,like he was a danger to himself and to me, so called the police.When the police arrived, if he hadn't hit me then there was no case.They assessed the situation as a small family argument and advised we separate temporarily to breath.I couldn't explain how I was feeling.i was feeling guilt for calling police,for confronting him,so I felt I was the problem. And not mature enough to handle such a small arguement.
Second time I called police was that day after he assaulted me because of the recyclable trash episode.,series.almost the same situation, the fight started in the morning, it was now close to midnight, I had been ignoring in between and picking my battles for the sake of the kids,because the situation was getting out of hand so I needed to put our kids first above my feelings..since their father was already out of control.That evening once they were in bed,he started from where he stopped.blocked me for going to bed, I managed to go to bed,he came and turned on full lights, and started talking/discussions, ( his talking is so intense that it goes through all my nerves.it is not this calm conversations .They are more of accusations and blame games.They are never solution oriented but him playing the victim so it never ends.Even though the real victims here would be our kids).So I had had enough, I wrote our neighbours upstairs and asked them to help me call police.i was scared.which they did.The woman was pregnant at that time.
My husband rarely drinks so he is not an alcoholic.but he does smoke weed,I honestly don't know what I was thinking to marry him, it's mainly because I was a Christian and I thought I was strong enough to change him, how stupid! But also I never judged him, I wanted to love him the way he was after all there are many Christians living like Satan himself. I saw beyond his weed or cigarettes, I was not so bothered by it but I was mistaken,I played myself.And I blame myself for leading me here,now with 2kids it's too late,I feel if I leave,he is mostly a great dad,our kids love him, if I leave I will be breaking the family,something he has told me over and over. One kid is now going to school,next year the second one will start, I was hoping that once the pressure of children is taken off me, I might work and be able to leave quietly as I don't want our kids to feel the pain of finances die to my decisions. So I feel staying is selfish but leaving is selfish too.
When the police arrived, I was asked if he had beaten,I knew what that question meant for him and for our kids,I found myself protecting him again.so I said no.The difference with this police segment, after he had drunk wine,he left the house to the cellar to find more wine,which terrified me hence me locking him out and left the key in the door.i was smart though to record everything since morning and I sent the Audios to the God parents of our kids. So when I locked him out, he got impulsive and went to his car and drove off,he was a bit drunk.Our neighbours had gone outside to meet the police,so as my husband drove off the police were arriving,he was driving recklessly endangering the pregnant neighbour who was standing in front of the parking house, so she told them that they just bypassed him.The police went after him,and asked ordered him to stop, he did not listen(he never does,which is the main problem of our marriage).he continued and bumped into a street light pole with 100km/per hour. It was a miracle he made it.The took him to the hospital.i remained home to recieve beatings from his family.His mother blamed me.our kids God mother sent the recorded audios to his mother ,things got even more worse.the God mother was the only understanding of them all.i should stop here otherwise I will be launching a book if I go on😀