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Original poster

Mum guilt- nursery or home?

33 replies

SharyBobbins · 12/02/2022 14:59

Hi all, just looking for opinions please!
My second child starts nursery in the summer when I return to work. They will be 12 months old. I work 3 days a week. The plan is for the baby to be with their grandparents 2 of these days and at nursery another 2, meaning one of their nursery days I'll be at home. The reason for this is I had planned to drop the baby at nursery, the eldest at school, get the weekly food shop in & do as much washing and housework as possible on this day before picking the eldest up again at 3pm and the baby not long after. This is so I can spend my last non-work day with the baby and the weekend with both kids without having to do much housework/laundry etc. It seemed like a good idea at the time but as it approaches I'm starting to feel massively guilty about the baby being in nursery when I am at home I'm just wondering what others would opt to do if they found themselves in a similar situation? Thank you

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mynameiscalypso · 12/02/2022 15:00

I think it's a brilliant idea.

Finfintytint · 12/02/2022 15:02

My son went to nursery full time when I worked part time. Don’t feel guilty about.

Newmum738 · 12/02/2022 15:03

Sounds great. I would do the same for sure.

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angelopal · 12/02/2022 15:05

That's a good plan but I would make the day you are off a grandparent day. That way if they are I'll or want a holiday then you able to cover without time off work. Nursery will be more reliable so should not close unexpectedly.

We used grandparents and my df had to get a big operation so my mum had to look after him and couldn't do childcare for a few months.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 12/02/2022 15:06

I do this myself it's my day for me to do jobs, attend appointments etc and lots of my friends do it too. It's an extra cost (until funding kicks in) but to my mind well worth it and kids love
Nursery and time with Grandparents plus in the trim up to Christmas it's in-valuable x

JustWonderingIfYou · 12/02/2022 15:06

I wouldn't do it, not when they are so young. Maybe when they are 2/3- thats when nursery/childcare is actually beneficial to them. Before that all the studies show they are better off with their primary carer as much as possible.

I enjoy having kids at home though, not everyone does. I also think it's good for them to see chores being done and not to have everyday at home as super fun revolving around them. And at 12 months they'd still be napping enough to do plenty at home and can be helpful sitting in a trolley putting stuff in that you pass them etc.

Polyputthekettleon · 12/02/2022 15:07

I personally would rather keep my baby with me at home on that day and let the baby see mummy washing and cleaning etc. Easier said than done with an extremely clingy baby though. But that's just me. Each to their own as they say.

Hangingtrousers · 12/02/2022 15:09

Im a teacher... my ds goes to nursery in school holidays. I have zero guilt because it works for us. Do what's best for you and your family. Also he will love nursery!

2pinkginsplease · 12/02/2022 15:12

Personally I would have them at home with me if j was home especially at that age.

Housework, food shop, washing can all get done while your little one is there. Many mums do it. I'd rather spend the extra precious time with my little one.

Original poster

SharyBobbins · 12/02/2022 15:13

Thank you so for the comments so far I should have said in the OP that the baby is quite clingy and only naps if being held or being walked in a pram (wakes up when the pram stops) so getting stuff done when they are home is rather difficult

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celestebellman · 12/02/2022 15:14

Personally wouldn't be that fussed about baby seeing mummy washing and cleaning, unless they are also seeing daddy washing and cleaning too!

I think this is absolutely fine - I put my kids in nursery half a day when I wasn't working so I could have that time at home to get on with other stuff. They still observed the endless drudgery of chores! Working and being the main parent/ caregiver is a full time job with no weekends, you need some breathing space.

Isonthecase · 12/02/2022 15:17

Works for us, have you tried doing a food shop or a proper tidy with a toddler?!

NeesAndToes · 12/02/2022 15:19

If you do as pp said and have a day off when baby is with gp for a day make sure they are on board with this. Some people might be a bit annoyed by it. You know them though.

I would have an extra days work tbh if baby was in nursery an extra day. But I can't justify the cost of having baby in nursery so I can do the housework.

EstoyCansada · 12/02/2022 15:20

My eldest is 3 in august. I have him home with me but I can definitely see the benefit of him being in nursery whilst I had a day with the baby of getting the house in order!

NeesAndToes · 12/02/2022 15:20

Would you genuinely spend the day doing housework every week?

NeesAndToes · 12/02/2022 15:21

But no need to feel mum guilt either way

Hugasauras · 12/02/2022 15:21

I wouldn't feel guilty at all (and I wouldn't feel I had to pack the day with being productive either!)

GiantSpider · 12/02/2022 15:25

Don't feel guilty if this works for you! Not quite the same but I still work 4 days a week even though mine are all at school now. I don't spend my day off just doing housework either!

Original poster

SharyBobbins · 12/02/2022 15:43

Just to answer a few questions/comments, yes I would be doing housework on that day, I get quite stressed when I'm not on top of it also grandparents are happy

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AliceW89 · 12/02/2022 15:49

Don’t feel guilty at all. I so wish we had done this to be honest. Staying on top of life admin/housework/fitness/work projects you don’t have time for in core hours is really, really difficult if you are trying to cram it in to evenings and nap time. All that happened with us was inevitably a weekend day suffered in order for me/DH to have a big catch up.

shiningstar2 · 12/02/2022 15:49

I think it's s great idea but I would stick to your plan of having baby in nursery that day. I'm a grandma and I would definitely have the baby while my DD was at her paid work. If she was at home I might consider that day "flexible" . For example pick up a bit later drop off a bit earlier. Also would probably see the favour I was doing in a bit if a different light. If you r dropping off/picking up I would be inviting you in for coffee lol which defeats the object a bit. I know how busy you hardworking mother's are ....been there myself ...I also know how much I enjoy time with DD as we have a great relationship. In my head I think I would be understanding and saying 'you go and get on baby is fine with me but honestly ... can see myself thinking .. 'now wouldn't it be nice to deliver baby back early and spend a bit of time with DD 😁You have been warned!!! 💐

Tiredmummy123456 · 12/02/2022 15:56

This sounds like a really good idea OP. Please dont feel bad about the little one being in nursery. The socialisation benefits are fab and they honestly will not remember the extra day when they are older!

If doing it this way helps you maintain the house, which in turn makes you feel more in control and more able to manage a hectic family life, then do it! You can always change your mind later on if it doesnt work out...but I wish I'd have considered this, as I spent most weekends doing housework, giving me less time with my brood... and I always feel like I never have chance to properly clean if that makes sense. Before the kids came along I knew exactly what was under the sofa....now I can't be quite sure!

Original poster

SharyBobbins · 12/02/2022 19:12

Thanks so much everyone for your opinions, advice & reassurances I think I'm going to stick with the plan and see how we all get on. I can always drop it down to a half day if neccessary (there is a requirement to attend a minimum of 1.5 days at the nursery).

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Zolla · 12/02/2022 19:38

Ohhh I would 100% do this, I wish I could! When DD2 gets her funding next year, I’ll be doing just this! Can’t afford the extra nursery day at the mo.. I spend so much of my Friday off or weekends faffing with housework. It takes away so much time from the kids. If my cleaning was all done on a Thursday, I could actually enjoy my weekends with 100% attention on the kids!

Why do you think people have cleaners? That’s the other option. I could save on a days nursery fees each week & hire a cleaner!

Original poster

SharyBobbins · 12/02/2022 19:46

That's what I'm trying to achieve, actual quality time with the kids. We are very fortunate to have grandparents that want to help 2 days a week and the baby has to attend nursery at least 1.5 days so we would be paying the nursery fees regardless. I'll feel guilty no matter what I do though

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