Considering going for no.3 - at 40. Am I mad???

[popsickle555]

Not sure where to post this. So DH is 40, I am 40 at the end of this month. We have two DC's aged 10 and 6 (almost 7). When DD2 was 3 I got pregnant again, I was on the pill so it was in no way intended then. We didn't keep it because I had just started a new job (literally that week) and DH was not keen because we had just got our 'lives back' - DD2 was a non sleeper. I was uncertain about the decision at the time but for me pregnancy is very tough, I had morning sickness for 4 months solid and I knew I couldn't do my job and uni course (was also doing a masters which I have now finished).

Anyway I digress..I had always thought we would have another child 'later', 38 was my 'target age' but I got Covid and was seriously unwell with it for many months then Long Covid for 18 months. I am about 80% recovered now. I know this is likely our last chance at another child. I can't decide if I am crazy considering it when not in full health but something inside me says one day I will look back and think I made a huge mistake either not keeping one or by not at least trying again. DH is not especially bothered either way but is a great Dad so would get onboard with it I am pretty certain. We can afford it but it will mean some sacrifices probably. We are older and tired but we have a lot of love to give and a nice home etc.

For what it's worth the remaining long covid issue is chronic fatigue which from what I have read is actually often improved by pregnancy.

Has anyone else been in a similar dilemma? There's no guarantee I could get pregnant anyway (of course) because I have a womb condition (adenomyosis) and I assume it would be harder for me to get pregnant / not miscarry than in previous younger years.

Maybe I should just be happy with what we have got but i think pushing 40 has put me into a spin!

My worry would be what if the long covid doesn't get better? I had M.E (chronic fatigue syndrome) which did get better during pregnancy but returned after the baby was born. It was HARD.

I'd be worried about giving enough time and energy to your older two.

Not really on topic, but wow.... bodies are amazing- why do chronic conditions improve during pregnancy?

I'd go for it OP, I'm debating a second and I'm 40 now.

@moita this exactly what I am worried about. I have heard people say that it can cure / help with CFS. I am not sure I completely fit the bill of CFS but I certainly have SCF symptoms alongside the long Covid. I suppose I am fortunate that we would be able to afford help with all other aspects of running the house. I can stop working etc but yes my other children might suffer as I have only just 'returned ' to them. That's what really puts me off!

@NotMaryWhitehouse

Not really on topic, but wow.... bodies are amazing- why do chronic conditions improve during pregnancy?

I'd go for it OP, I'm debating a second and I'm 40 now.

Often its because they are autoimmune diseases and your immune system is suppressed in pregnancy.

I wouldn’t if I was you OP. Higher risk pregnancy for you and the baby, risk of having a child with disabilities or multiple birth. Then there is the exhaustion of a new born and in reality most babies, toddlers and young kid’s aren’t sleepers. Imagine been 43 with a non sleeping toddler going through the terrible two’s, being pre-menopausal with 13 year going through puberty.

It’s doesn’t mean it would be the wrong decision but it wouldn’t be my choice for my life.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. 40 isn't too old (although on the older side), but also 2 children is a good number, you don't need a third.

It's worth thinking about the impact on your family if the child ends up having special needs.

My worry would be the toddler and teenage years at the same time! Still, you might be made of stronger stuff than me op!

I don't think it's mad at all, you'd hardly be an outlier these days.

Sorry OP but you're mad.

Im 42. My youngest is also 6 (soon to be 7). The thought of going back to the baby stage brings me out in a cold sweat.

Sleepless nights. Nappies. Absolutely no free time to yourself. Children that are too young to entertain themselves. Expensive childcare. No nights out. Vomit covered clothes. PND and anxiety. I couldn't do it again.

Op I was going to say go for it, my line in the sand is 42ish, meaning they finish school before you hit 60, and you still have a few working years to support them though college / uni / apprenticeship years. Before you hit retirement.

However with 10 & 6 year olds to consider. Big gaps aren't easy. And long covid you have no idea what the future holds for you health wise.
I think be grateful for what you have

I'm 41 and TTC DC3, so of course I don't think you're mad!

I had DC1 when I was 38, DC2 just before my 40th birthday, and a couple of miscarriages since.

I think it is worth being prepared for it being not only a little harder to conceive past 40, and even more to be mentally prepared for the increased risk of miscarriage. It's less of a shock if you see the stats first.

Best of luck to you either way.

Personally yes I think you're mad - what if there's issues and you struggle to cope, never mind to be fully present for your older 2 children. And that big a gap can make holidays/activities etc a pain to juggle different needs.
Never under estimate the coming emotional toll of teenagers!
I'd enjoy the 2 you have and concentrate on slowly getting back to full health.

If I were you, I wouldn't. Just my personal opinion.

You’re mad- to go right back to the beginning would be so stressful. With that age gap it would be like raising an only child on top of the two you have. How are you going to split your weekends between a preschoolers activities and your older children’s needs and wants. Want to fill your home with baby toys again. It’s a no from me

I wouldn’t do it, the age gap is too big. You’d have a toddler and a teenager and entertaining them both is a hassle that you can live without!

I wouldnt not because of your age Necessarily but you have 2 older children and ongoing health issues
I'd prioritise my current children everytime

I definitely wouldn’t do it. I’m in my 40s and already have two teenagers. What do you think you are missing out on by not having a 3rd? Maybe you’re looking back with rose tinted glasses and not thinking about the reality of being an older mum of a newborn? The age gap would also be quite big and not sure the older 2 would be be playmates for the baby/toddler. You’d have more to lose than gain as far as I can see.

This thread is heartbreaking for me - 40, 5 and 8 year old and really want one more 🙈😭.

I had my third at 40 when I already had a 14 year old and an 8 year old. I was always adamant that I only wanted 2 children until my youngest got to about 5 and we both suddenly felt that we didn’t want the having little children stage to be over. It took us a while to conceive and the result has been my 3rd DD.
She has been the hardest one out of the 3 in terms of sleeping, but is now 2 and brings us all so much joy. The older 2 adore her and I feel that they have benefitted so much in terms of life experience from having her around.
I’ve found it much easier having such a big age gap as there’s no jealousy from the older 2 and they help out. I’m really lucky that they like spending time with her and so will happily watch her whilst I make dinner or do other things. We do make a conscious effort though to not make helping with her a chore and it is not forced on them in any way. I think this is key. I’d say go for it if you feel that way as otherwise you’ll always have the niggling “what if” thought.

@DoItAfraid

This thread is heartbreaking for me - 40, 5 and 8 year old and really want one more 🙈😭.

Then have one, nobody on here knows you or your life!

I’ve just turned 40 and we are debating a 3rd. I have 2 children, 5 and nearly 2. We’ve gone round the houses debating whether we should or shouldn’t and have just decided to leave it up to fate, it will either happen or it won’t. My sensible head says a 3rd is not necessary, but my heart would love one more. But I have 2 healthy children and I’m incredibly grateful for that.

Big gaps are amazing, I have gaps between all mine and the older ones are so much more involved and so proud showing off the baby. 40 still young, definitely go for it,don't even consider long Covid, sure nobody gets any gaurentees when planning anything for the future x

Personally, I w

I am 40 and have 3dc. Youngest will be 5 in a couple of months. I personally can't imagine starting again, I'm fit and healthy, but my last baby really aged me. I think also if you have two healthy children you have to consider the possibility of you having a child that has a disability or special needs, what impact would that have on your family? We have a child with Asd and it affects all of us as a family. More so as he gets older really. You also need to look after yourself as you sound like you have lasting health issues. Good luck whatever you decide

In Hindsight, I wouldn't have done. Sorry to be blunt but I had two healthy DC and we were happy and life was easy, we had a third, they are disabled and I am f/t carer and burnt out and feeling very old!!! I'm 42.

I would think rather you than me. And yes would thing you're mad!

I remember someone saying you'll always want another one but you've got to think of your current family.

But if you're reading all this and completely disagreeing then there's your answer.