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Original poster

Awful bus ride

29 replies

Belle82 · 09/02/2022 23:26

My little boy is 7 weeks old and I can’t drive thanks to my epilepsy! 😔

I took him on the bus to town the other day and he was crying because he was hungry, I breastfeed him and I didn’t feel safe taking him out of the pram to feed him when the bus was being driven so roughly.

However while I was on the bus, an older lady said to me it’s not good to let them cry and I should pick him up. I was having to hold onto the pram so it didn’t fall over around corners, I would have dropped him.
I told her I breastfed him so I couldn’t easily feed him, she told me I should keep a bottle of milk available for times like those.

Then an older lady came on the bus and said that she couldn’t bare to hear a baby cry to another old lady she didn’t even know. Said I should just get on and breastfeed him.

I took him out of the pram and although it didn’t feel safe I breastfed him.
I ended up breaking down and crying, asking them to leave me alone and did they really think I wanted to let my baby cry.

It was the first time out alone with him & now I’m scared to go on the bus with him again 😔

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Original poster

Belle82 · 09/02/2022 23:27

Oh I had fed him before we left the house but he does eat a lot!

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 09/02/2022 23:30

Just sit down stick your foot on the pram to steady it and feed surely?

Or maybe use a sling if it's easier for you that way you can sit and not worry about the pram

minipie · 09/02/2022 23:32

Oh poor you. Being stuck with your baby crying and nothing you can do is hard enough without people sticking their oar in. Please don’t let it put you off going out, that’s so important for your sanity, I would really hope you don’t bump into judgy types next time. Most people are supportive honestly!

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minipie · 09/02/2022 23:33

Theunnamed if the bus was going fast round corners or over bumps I can understand why op didn’t feel comfortable trying to feed

Motherhippo · 09/02/2022 23:36

Gotta love judgemental strangers! Especially those that are childless or who had babies a long time ago and can't remember what it's like.

I feel your pain! I don't drive and live in a village. The bus journey to visit my mum takes an hour.
My newborn was also a very hungry baby as well as very clingy and did not like her pushchair. So obviously she would grizzle for the journey.

The journey involved a lot of narrow country lanes and blind bends that the bus driver would take at dangerous speeds so I also did not feel comfortable removing my baby from the "safety" of her pushchair. Especially since I was needing to try and stop the pushchair from tipping over as well as stopping myself from slipping out of my seat.

There's not much advice I can give you only my sympathies! You'll grow a harder skin and be able to ignore the bitchy, moany people on the bus eventually.

I used to let my daughter suckle know my little finger for comfort and that would sometimes settle her. Other than that I'd just spend the journey focusing on her and her alone and blanking out everything and everyone around me. I'd talk to her for the whole journey if I had to.
I promise it gets easier. Don't let strangers put you off getting out and about with your baby and don't let them mum shame you.
You're doing an amazing job 👍👍

Moon12345 · 09/02/2022 23:39

Having a 7 week old is terrifying! I was so scared to leave the house, really nervous breastfeeding in public and so something like a bus journey would definitely have thrown me. So sorry you were met with such judgement OP - try and put it behind you and reassure yourself that even just 7 weeks in, you had the confidence to make the decisions that were right for your baby. That’s amazing. And please ignore the bottle comment - it’s no easier to feed a baby with a bottle than it is with a breast. Hopefully it hasn’t knocked your confidence too much and know that slowly, it does get easier. Congratulations

JudyJ · 09/02/2022 23:40

I'm not sure i have any advice but wanted to reply because your post really takes me back to the son's first months, I don't drive either and the bus seemed to be a place that invited comments from others! I found that so hard about having a young baby, I struggled with postnatal anxiety and I hated feeling like people were commenting on everything I did/didn't do. I cried a few times on the bus too. It does get easier I promise! The first few times out feel so hard, I felt like I'd gone to the moon our first bus trip across town. We got really good at breastfeeding on the bus, it gets easier when they are a bit less little. My son is almost 4 now and an absolute pro at catching a bus as he's done it so often!

Anyway I'm sorry I don't have much helpful to say, I just wanted to offer some empathy because I've been there and it feels so horrible but you are doing a great job, don't listen to other people's comments, they do get easier to ignore/smile through gritted teeth as time goes by. Don't let them stop you getting out and about, you can do it! Have you got a friend or someone you could ask to go on the bus with you a few times while you get the hang of it?

Moon12345 · 09/02/2022 23:42

I also second the finger sucking! My little boy was constantly sucking on my finger to soothe - it was a godsend in situations where I needed to calm him (like front row at a wedding!) At about 11/12 weeks he finally learnt to suck his thumb which was then a godsend for self soothing.

JudyJ · 09/02/2022 23:45

Also agree that a sling is great for the bus! We used one of those stretchy wrap slings, my son loved it. Once we'd got the hang of it it was a lifesaver, my son hated the pram.

Babadook76 · 09/02/2022 23:46

Ignore the old bats op. I think it’s funny the amount of people who complain about the manners of the ‘youths’ of today, when ime it’s generally the elderly who are outwardly nasty. I first left the house when my ds was a week old for a cup of tea and a pasty in a local bakery, some old dear took it upon herself to tell me that mothers like me should be forcibly confined and I was going to end up putting my baby in hospital through my actions.

Ozanj · 09/02/2022 23:53

With epilepsy I wouldn’t be using a sling at all. Ignore that terrible advice. I would try and use a dummy to comfort him while on the bus - you can bf as soon as you get off.

Ozanj · 09/02/2022 23:55

You can find nipple like dummies. That wont impact breastfeeding

ambushedbywine · 10/02/2022 00:03

I’m so sorry you experienced that. I can’t drive due to a disability, spent a lot of time on buses with babies and thank the Lord I never experienced anyone do this to me.

You were right. I would never get my baby out on the bus. It’s just too difficult and stressful. I’d calm them as best I could and sort them out when I got off. Usually bus journeys aren’t so long that it’s a problem. No one would criticise a mum not immediately pulling over her car if she was driving somewhere. Sometimes it’s more sensible to keep babies where they are until a safe time.

I’m so cross for you and sending solidarity!

ambushedbywine · 10/02/2022 00:05

@JudyJ

Also agree that a sling is great for the bus! We used one of those stretchy wrap slings, my son loved it. Once we'd got the hang of it it was a lifesaver, my son hated the pram.

Slings are great. But there are very good reasons why it’s not safe for every mum to have baby in a sling. In this case OP says she has epilepsy which might mean she has chosen not to. I couldn’t carry my baby without causing myself physical injury.

HoneyFlowers · 10/02/2022 00:10

I remember my baby started crying in Tesco's and I stopped immediately to sort out a bottle of milk and then this dirty old man came over and stuck his head in and squeezed my son's face saying "is your mummy not feeding you?". Honestly made me feel ill and rubbish.
Those early days are so tough, but please do not let anyone dull your sparkle.

JudyJ · 10/02/2022 00:38

@ambushedbywine Ah good point! I couldn't use a sling myself at first as my (premature) baby was too small. My friend with epilepsy did use a sling but obviously all depends on individual situation. I just know it helped me once my son was big enough.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 10/02/2022 13:10

Oh you poor thing! I am a bus user and I remember taking baby for a check up on a boiling hot summers day, sweat dripping into my eye as i held on for dear life while DD screamed and I felt so self conscious. I also tried taking baby out and sitting down holding her and my pram went flying as the bus took a sharp corner.

I am ALOT less bothered now about strangers and you will find you become much more resilient the more you take the bus. Babies cry. Its shit. You were keeping her safe. x

Lostthetastefordahlias · 10/02/2022 13:39

It’s crazy how people feel free to get involved when you have a new baby, as if they would do better with it all!! I remember taking Dd out when she was about a month old to get some milk, some old lady in Tesco gave me a right earful about how all babies should be “flat on their backs at home” for 2 months and I was awful for bringing her out! Oh yeah I am definitely going to stay in the house for 2 months Batty. Feel free to ignore them OP.

alisoninwonderland · 10/02/2022 13:44

Oh bless you, experiences like that are so hard. It was absolutely wrong of these ladies to make judgemental comments to you rather than being kind and supportive. I really feel for you for having gone through something so unpleasant and scary but I have to say I'm also SO glad that you spoke up and told them how it felt for you! Hopefully they will have learned a lesson from that!

camelfinger · 10/02/2022 13:48

They were rude, you were right. I remember being told to cuddle my baby when we were getting off in one stop. I wish people would mind their own business in these situations.

UnderripeBanana · 10/02/2022 13:51

Sometimes bus journeys are awful, sometimes people are lovely. Have definitely had same experience as you a few times.

But sometimes when it's been a long day out with a baby and toddler and you're on the bus home, a kind person will chat to the toddler all the way home and you can close your eyes for a bit.

Don't let this put you off. You can do this.

Ormally · 10/02/2022 14:02

Well done for getting out and onto the bus with a very little one. I remember how fearful I was - was so grateful to a friend who came with her baby the first time I had to do it so it sure is a big thing and what happens is not really within your control.

Everybody thinks they have a stake in a new baby and probably forgets just how very hard it is to deal with a buggy and a baby on public transport.

Please pluck up courage and try it again on a beautiful day and a quiet bus if you can work out what that might be (have you got anyone who might come and help you 'practice'?) - sometimes you'll need it, like going to hospital appointments or similar. You might also find your really good feeding places which will make timings a bit less stressful - again I have very fond memories of a little film theatre in a modern art museum (normally just me watching the same thing about installations but great for a good sit down and feed!) People are insensitive but you will be able to get that to slide off you if you pluck up courage.

AegonT · 10/02/2022 16:26

How rude and stupid of them! You are a capable mother who risk assessed taking your baby out of the pram and made a sensible decision and they stuck their nose in. Please don't let this put you off travelling - it will only get easier as your baby gets older and you get more confident. Surely most people understand babies often cry on public transport just like they do in the car.

RedCandyApple · 10/02/2022 16:37

If you was sitting down then I do think you could have taken the baby out and held them even if you didn’t feed them, though I’ve breastfed on the bus and it was fine.

People have very low tolerance of babies crying and if it looks like you were ignoring the cries people will be judgmental (I don’t agree with them but just my experience of people) I once had my ds On the bus he was crying in his pram I couldn’t pick him up as I was standing up (nowhere to sit) this man went absolutely mad at me, started shouting at me to “shut your child up”

Soubriquet · 10/02/2022 16:52

What about a dummy? It might soothe him long enough on the bus for you to have a quieter ride

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