My DD is forever saying she doesn't like or love her dad. I'm around all the time and know he does nothing to her other than perhaps lacking in emotional understanding and skill in gentle parenting. DH was once the one who didn't do the telling off much but I think he's felt it's more necessary as she's got older.
For example, she got sternly told off by DH for wiping her face on DH's sleeve at the dinner table. DD was tired anyway as she fell asleep on the sofa not long after but had left the table in tears and refused to go back to sit next to DH. DH refuses to apologise for his sudden telling off, DD is then crying too much that it's past the point of being able to reason with her about why she got told off. I suggested to both that next time DH cooks, maybe napkins could be left on the table for all and then DD could use one instead of wiping on clothes as it's a better choice. End of fiasco for all.
DD is in bed the next night then says she loves me and daddy didn't need to be around. Lots of trying to push his buttons about how she doesn't like him or love him and he's mean, etc. DH told her that made him a little bit sad but he still loved her.
They do lots together (especially as I'm sick with HG) and every now and then he'll take her out for a meal - as we both would do once in a while just the two of us. There's never any complaints when they're doing activities or have just finished an activity. She's always excited to fill me in on the details.
I thought it was performative when it started 2 years ago but she still says it when she's not tired or when we're alone and she's now 4. I can't figure out if it's a conflict of our parenting styles the fact I have made no secret to her that she's number 1 or just a phase.
Any advice?