Best age gap between child 1 and 2?

[purplehairlady]

What have you found to be the best age gap (or what would be your preferred age gap) and why?

3 years was good as dd was out of nappies by then and had started her free hours at nursery

3 years so the eldest is potty trained, at nursery, not trying to kill themselves every 10 seconds and understands bribery!

We have 20 months.

The pros...
DD1 was too young to get jealous.
Got the sleepless nights, nappies, etcout of the way in one go
Similar stage of childhood, making activities etc easier
They are genuinely friends

Cons
I didn't sleep for a few years
Being pregnant with a toddler (morning sickness etc).
The younger one doesn't like being treated differently to the elder one.

Honestly, its luck of the draw though. I've had friends with a similar gap find it really hard.

DD2 turning 3 was our watershed in wanting a third though. We were on the fence, but decided having a baby when the other two were at school was too big for us. Others like that gap.

I think it's best to see the gap you have as the best age gap. A bit like thinking your kids are the best kids you could have.

@Fridgeorflight

I think it's best to see the gap you have as the best age gap. A bit like thinking your kids are the best kids you could have.

This.

There are pros and cons to all age gaps and you don't get a huge amount of choice really.

I would say about 2.5 years if you can afford some childcare for the eldest and 3 yrs (so the free childcare has kicked in) if not.

But in reality, their personalities are going to make way way more difference than any age gap.

There is exactly 3 years between my dd and ds. It was absolutely perfect for us and still is.

I can think of a list of pros and cons to all age gaps though, so I don’t think there’s a right or wrong

4.5 years here. It has been great.

DS was supportive during pregnancy (no need to pick him up anymore … I could reason with him (a bit) about feeling tired / nauseous).

He could go away to gps for a few days when I went into hospital, and he is devoted to dd and can help in all sorts of little ways (the main one being that he makes her laugh). No resentments so far.

The other side of it is that I get to spend a lot of dedicated time with baby dd, as I did first time round.

Obviously, the age gap is big, so they will miss out on having a sibling close in age (but I had that and it was rubbish!).

@Fridgeorflight

I think it's best to see the gap you have as the best age gap. A bit like thinking your kids are the best kids you could have.

This is such good advice.

I have six years between mine, and I love it.

Agree with this point:

I think it's best to see the gap you have as the best age gap. A bit like thinking your kids are the best kids you could have

And this point:

Their personalities are going to make way way more difference than any age gap

I agree that I don’t think there is any best. Whatever you have, you make it work.

We have just over 2yrs. I’m happy with that because I could get dd1 potty trained in the day before dd2 came along. We had a long stretch of sleepless nights, nappies, etc but now can put al that behind us, plus the girls are close in age so can play with each other and have similar interests. I like the fact they’ll be at the same school together for all but 2years so only a short double school run.

The downsides of this is the guilt that I feel both children didn’t get as much individual parent time since they were both young together. Having a baby when the eldest is older and more independent may have been easier. Also, this wasn’t the case for me but some parents may prefer a break in sleepless nights and nappies.

It all depends on what’s right for you and your circumstances.

@Fridgeorflight

I think it's best to see the gap you have as the best age gap. A bit like thinking your kids are the best kids you could have.

Agree! Yet to have number 2 though so just wondering whether for practical reasons or otherwise ppl recommend a specific gap as being easier than others

We've got 3y gap- reliably potty trained, free nursery hours, more physically able to get in car seat by himself, could entertain himself pretty well, sleeping in a big bed and not using a buggy so we didn't have any additional expenses of new cot or buggy.

I think we've had one or two flashes of jealousy but easily dealt with and otherwise it's been really easy. They adore each other.

@Toseethezoo

4.5 years here. It has been great.

DS was supportive during pregnancy (no need to pick him up anymore … I could reason with him (a bit) about feeling tired / nauseous).

He could go away to gps for a few days when I went into hospital, and he is devoted to dd and can help in all sorts of little ways (the main one being that he makes her laugh). No resentments so far.

The other side of it is that I get to spend a lot of dedicated time with baby dd, as I did first time round.

Obviously, the age gap is big, so they will miss out on having a sibling close in age (but I had that and it was rubbish!).

I agree with this. It makes it easier to have a second when the first is able to occupy themselves for a few minutes safely on their own (eg when you need to feed/change baby), and if the first is an age where they would be going to nursery/preschool/school anyway not just for childcare but for their own benefit. then you have lots of 1:1 time with the baby during that time without feeling guilty for using childcare during mat leave. (Not that anyone should feel guilty about that anyway. But I do think the older the older child, the easier to not feel guilty IYSWIM/ and you wouldn't miss out on time with the first born either while they're still small)

I think each child deserves its own attention from their parents. So for me when the 1st child is in full time nursery or school so the new baby can have your undivided attention during the day.

4 years as oldest started school just as youngest was born, so only home with 1 most of time, can enjoy maternity leave like first one

@Fridgeorflight

I think it's best to see the gap you have as the best age gap. A bit like thinking your kids are the best kids you could have.

I wanted 2 years, was eventually blessed with 6, in some ways it's good others not so much.

Financially it works well, not paying two lots of childcare or uni at the same time.
Big one enjoys being in on the Santa secret and playing along.
Feels a bit like your starting again. And difficult to find other mum friends with the same gap

We have 2 years between each. Reason being, we wanted 3 but also started in our early 30s and were aware time could possibly be against us. 2 year gaps are good - seem fairly standard so lots of ds1's friends have siblings a similar age to ds2, meaning play dates can double up. We had all the baby stuff already and a baby proof house so all that kind of thing was easy / cheap. Plenty of baby groups / activities also cater to toddlers so easy to find things they can both do and enjoy. The downside is - dealing with a toddler when pregnant and with a newborn! I have noticed the gap between ds1 and ds3 (4 years) is really lovely - ds1 is super helpful, dotes on the baby, the school runs give the day structure, which is helpful with a newborn, and ds1 is a lot more independent and doesn't tantrum anymore. If I'd only wanted 2 and with the benefit of hindsight, I think 4 years is a lovely gap personally.

Interesting thread OP. My DS is 2.5 and it’s getting easier to the extent that I really really don’t want to go back to the baby days. I’d love another but I’d like to fast forward the next few years if that’s the case. I would never have coped but two close together would at least have the worst of it out of the way.

I have 3 year between mine and it works really well. When baby came my eldest could take himself to the loo, communicate well and knew to be gentle etc. The baby has been obsessed with his older bro from day 1.

One neg I’d say is that now the eldest is at school and wants to do painting/ has homework. I can find it hard to sit with him and really focus on him cause the toddler is off somewhere causing havoc. Though all parents may feel this!

I think the 3 year gap has become really popular or standard since the free childcare thing started so it’s quite common for their friends to have siblings the same age which can be quite handy and nice!

13.5 months here. Would not recommend.

I think ideally 3.5 years.

2.7 years between my two, with hindsight I'd of been better to wait until dd1 started preschool at 3.3yeara as having 2 at home 24/7 was extremely hard work and there was alot of sibling jealousy (still is 3 years later but nowhere near as bad as that first year)

3 year gap between eldest dd and b/g twins. 21 minute gap between my twins. 3 years between twins and youngest dd. 3 years is definitely easier in my opinion