Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Desperately need advice

46 replies

desperatemammy · 04/02/2022 06:41

Lying here in tears just feeling like a total failure, my son is 2 and a half and he can be the sweetest thing but my god can be horrible. We are at my mums for a weekend, he went to sleep in his own bed but woke up crying at 2 asking to come in with me. I let him. I suddenly got woken up at 4am by him screaming to go downstairs, I told him to shh it's still night time everyone asleep and he just started shouting at the top of his lungs shut up mummy, go downstairs, it's morning. I told him it isn't morning, don't speak to me like that, come have a cuddle and we'll go back to sleep. Tried to give him a hug and he was just biting me, pulling my hair, pinching me just anyway he could hurt me he would. Screaming at me to shut up the entire time. I kept explaining everything is ok he's just woken up too early, and all he needs to do is stop hurting mummy and we can all go back to sleep, it's still night time that's all. The shouting and the hurting continued and he did a couple of shrill screams like as loud as he could. He woke the entire house up. My mum came in and took him in to the hallway and said you do not hurt your mummy like that, and you do not tell people to shut up, it is night time and we are all trying to sleep. Gave him options of his bed, my bed or her bed but said he must come and lie down in bed for an hour or so and if he's been good and not been mean again then we will go down stairs. He asked to come back in with me. Within 5 minutes he was shouting shut up at me because I said no we aren't going down stairs. I said I'm not talking to you if you're going to be mean to me, so I turned my back to him. Instantly sunk his teeth into my arm and grabbed two fistfuls of my hair as hard as he could. He wouldn't let go at all my mum heard me yelp in pain and came in and witnessed it all. She started saying that she had never seen a little boy be so nasty to his mummy and I just burst into tears. She's taken him into her room and he's not shouting at her yet but I can hear demanding things and refusing to get in bed. I can't believe how upset I am by it. What on Earth have I done wrong and how do I fix it. Shut up is a relatively new phase of his but he just isn't listening to us when we say he can't say it but this behaviour on this level has really shaken me up

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Rodion · 04/02/2022 06:45

Oh you poor thing. Remember that none of his actions or words have the same meaning behind them as an older child or adult would (hard to remember when you're being bitten and told to shut up in the middle of the night).

Is he normally OK sleeping away from home or could it have unsettled him a bit emotionally?

Original poster
desperatemammy · 04/02/2022 06:50

We sleep here regularly and he's usually pretty good. He wakes up a bit earlier here than normal at home because he's got different toys here and is always excited to play but not at 4am before.

He does have form for the shouting shut up, screaming biting and hitting when he really loses it. It's not daily but when he goes, he really goes. I just don't know how to deal with the violence. You'd never think it looking at him, he's a tiny little thing and most of the time he is so lovely and so sweet and I just can't seem to figure out how to deal with his temper and stop him being so violent. I definitely get the worst of it too, but he can be really cruel to the dog sometimes too. We have to keep them apart most of the time now because although lovely to him most of the time the second he's gone off on one he will bolt to hurt the dog. I think it's to get a reaction but it all makes me so sad.

OP posts:
parrotonmyshoulder · 04/02/2022 07:24

Try a book called ‘The Science of Parenting’ by Margot Sunderland. It really explains the reasons for this sort of behaviour and how adults can respond.
Sounds like a tough night. Hope you have a better day.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds Families General parenting
Sausagesausagesausage · 04/02/2022 08:18

We had a stage of this - DS wasn't violent but was up screaming and shouting like a banshee and waking everyone up. I ended up bringing him downstairs, we just sat on the sofa with just a small lamp on doing nothing (well I was doom scrolling to stay awak). He eventually fell back asleep on the sofa or would ask to go back to bed.

I've no idea what caused it but it lasted a couple of weeks and then never happened again. He's a crap sleeper though so I'm never surprised when I'm up at stupid o'clock.

confuseddotcom1234 · 04/02/2022 10:12

It's so hard when they suddenly start this behaviour. For us a consequence really works and as he has for older means I can normally stop a tantrum before it gets out of control. We have a naughty chair that I was a high chair with straps on when he was younger so we could put him on it and he couldn't get off but was safe. When he kicked off we would give him the option to calm down or go on the naughty chair and as time went on he got better at calming himself down so didn't go on the naughty chair. If he couldn't and he did I found it have everyone including us a chance to calm down and think more clearly. He had to say sorry when he got down and always has a cuddle and told we love him but also talk about why he was there in the first place so he understood what had happened. I'm not sure if this is something that you would want to try but sticking to it for us has really helped in situations where he could be a challenge.

bexxboo · 04/02/2022 21:37

I would have totally lost my fucking shit too, Jesus Christ sounds absolutely horrendous!!
Leave him at your mums for a few days get some rest.

Original poster
desperatemammy · 05/02/2022 00:31

He's done it again. His dad went out after bed time and he happened to wake up and his dad wasn't here and it happened again. It's another level I've never witnessed anything like it before, when I say scream I mean not crying, not shouting, just a top of his lungs scream as many times as he can do it. Repeatedly just on and on scream and scream. He will bite me to the point he breaks my skin. He looks at me and it's like he hates me. Every part of his body i touched he would flinch or pull away I think he just hates me I'm so broken I can't cope. He screamed and screamed and bit me to where my hand and my wrist was bleeding and then his dad came home and it stopped and they're cuddled ip asleep and I'm sat here crying my fucking heart out

OP posts:
Original poster
desperatemammy · 05/02/2022 00:33

I need help I just cannot cope. The viciousness is unlike anything I've ever seen and it scares me so bloody much. I know he's only so tiny but god between that and the way he hurts the animals I just think how far will this escalate when he grows up. He can he so sweet it isn't a lie and he's smart and funny and can be so loving but the rage the aggression it's not normal this level is just not normal

OP posts:
Original poster
desperatemammy · 05/02/2022 00:36

He was screaming and hurting me and I was trying to stop it but as soon as I get my hand out his teeth he'd have a fistful of hair I didn't realise I started crying and as soon as he noticed the insanity went to a new level. Like his eyes lit up anger screaming stop mummy stop crying mummy and gets so much more angry than he even was which o wouldn't think possible at that point. I'm so heart broken I feel like I've totally fucked him up

OP posts:
Meandmini3 · 05/02/2022 00:38

Talk to your GP for advice. You can self refer your child to CAMHS. They will have a 0-5 team. Hurting the dog is a worrying sign for me (I’m an early years teacher).

endofagain · 05/02/2022 00:42

Where has he learned the expression "shut up"?
Apart from that, I would wonder about night terrors or some sort of neurological problem.
All voluntary behaviour is learned, so it must be coming from somewhere. Does he go to nursery or childminder?
It sounds very distressing. Maybe look into a play therapist?

Thesearmsofmine · 05/02/2022 00:43

I’m sorry that you are having such a tough time OP. His behaviour does sound very extreme and I would be looking to speak to my GP of health visitor to explore what is going on.
I would also consider rehoming your animals if there is any chance of him hurting them.

Original poster
desperatemammy · 05/02/2022 00:43

@Meandmini3

Talk to your GP for advice. You can self refer your child to CAMHS. They will have a 0-5 team. Hurting the dog is a worrying sign for me (I’m an early years teacher).
I have tried he's had contact with early intervention who had no autism concerns I reached out to my gp who got a health visitor to email me about implementing a reward chart and trying medication to calm him if I struggle to cope with his behaviour i just feel at a total loss. I agree it seems worrying I'm beyond worried what could it be indicative off? I just can't go on like this
OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 05/02/2022 00:44

I think I'd be worried too. It doesn't sound normal tbh. You need professional advice and help. And keep him away from the dog, in case the dog loses his patience and bites him.

Original poster
desperatemammy · 05/02/2022 00:46

Everyone saying they'd worry too not normal. I'm not saying I disagree I agree entirely but what could it be I know not normal but if early intervention had no concerns what could Thks be? Just how he is? It's two polar opposites how he can be so lovely and then so volatile and scary when he flips

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 05/02/2022 00:48

How does a two year old know the phrase "shut up?" That is learned from observation.

CarelessSquid07A · 05/02/2022 00:50

Do you have somewhere safe you can get him to with you near but not touching him to calm down?

Some toddlers get so overwhelmed with big feelings, they can't stand to be touched. He may also be scared of what he's feeling but have no language to express it so it comes out in behaviour.

It does sound awful for you and really extreme. It might be worth doing some work on naming feelings and the faces that match them in a game etc when he's calm to give him more language options.

Original poster
desperatemammy · 05/02/2022 00:51

@Aquamarine1029

How does a two year old know the phrase "shut up?" That is learned from observation.
I don't know nursery, soft play, his cousins any number of places I have never once told him to shut up and neither has his dad I don't know where he's got it from we've spent weeks working on it and telling him it's not a nice thing to say and he's had toys taken away over it he's been sent to his room etc to be honest it's the smallest of my concerns here it's the look in his eyes when he does this it's this desperately trying to hurt me as hard as he can I'm on here in absolute bits begging for advice I'm obviously not going to do that if I'm the one that's teaching him to be this way I don't want him to be this way it's completely ripping my heart out
OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 05/02/2022 00:59

Please don’t send your two year old to his room or punish him for saying words that he has heard somewhere. That is totally inappropriate. If you didn’t make a big deal of him saying it and ignored it then he probably would have stopped by now.

Original poster
desperatemammy · 05/02/2022 01:01

I'm trying my bloody best Sad

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 05/02/2022 01:01

OP you need to push for help for you both. Keep going back to his the GP and health visitor, keep a log of any extreme behaviour and show them the bites he gives you. Their job is to help you but sometimes you have to push for that.

Bonheurdupasse · 05/02/2022 01:02

OP
In case early years / GP think that you're exaggerating, it might make sense for you to try and record a few of these times (I know, easier said than done!) - to show them.

Thesearmsofmine · 05/02/2022 01:03

@desperatemammy

I'm trying my bloody best Sad
Nobody has said you aren’t but you can’t punish a 2 year old in that way and expect it to work, he is too small to understand that kind of punishment. You are clearly struggling and both you and his dad need to seek help, as. I said above sometimes you need to really push for it.
CarelessSquid07A · 05/02/2022 01:06

If you can get it reading the explosive child book might also help for future strategies.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 05/02/2022 01:21

The yelling shut up aside he sounds very like one of my boys at that age. The behaviour was a mixture of being overwhelmed and chronic exhaustion from lack of sleep. He woke at 4/430am and often wasn't asleep till 10pm at the worst of it. Finally getting him enough sleep really helped, this required me to sleep in with him for several months, so I could reassure him and get him back to sleep straight away. The worst of it tied into his sleep, but it also turned out that he's autistic. I know how horrible it feels having the child you love so much doing what feels like purposefully hurting you. I don't think it's voluntary, he's 2.5, but you do need support with this. Talk to your GP, calms, health visitor if you still have one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread