Attending a wedding 3-6 weeks postpartum

[Ruibies]

Hi all, just looking for some experiences here to see if I'm wildly overestimating how up for a wedding I'll be. It's a really good friend and I would be gutted to miss it. Depending on when baby arrives I could be anywhere from 3-6 weeks postpartum at the time of the wedding. It's my first baby so I have absolutely no idea how I'll be feeling!

The wedding is about 4 hour drive, and would need an overnight stay. DH will be coming too. I'm not planning on breastfeeding so I guess I'd need to take bottles etc for throughout the day. I'm kind of anticipating such a small newborn to sleep a lot, so was hoping that bringing the bassinet would mean he/she could just snooze whenever they want, between needing a feed and a change.

Am I mad to be considering this? Has anyone got any experiences to share of whether this would be something they would have gone to/enjoyed at that stage?

RSVP deadline is in about a month, at which point I'll be around 30weeks. I don't want to mess the couple around by RSVPing yes, then having to bail last minute because I've realised I'm still a mess for for the first few weeks. Thanks for any insight!

I went to a wedding at one week PP and 3 weeks PP, the first was an overnight stay. It was really nice, if you are bottle feeding them a few pre-made bottles and then ensuring you have kettle etc in your room would be handy. You’ll need some kit but you’ll be fine. Our DD stayed in her pram and then someone’s arms, she slept a lot!

At this age your baby can only be in a cat seat for 30 minutes at a time so it will make for a very long journey.

Enjoyed I doubt it. First babies tend to come later. I was in hospital until 10 days PP with DD1 and with DD2 I couldn’t comfort sit for long for the first couple of weeks. My babies have sever reflux so it would have been a no for me. But different people have different experience.

Physically, I probably would have been fine at 3 weeks PP and definitely at 6 weeks (although absolutely shattered). My DS was incredibly unsettled though and had lots of feeding difficulties, so it would have been a no from that perspective. Theoretically newborns sleep a lot (and a lot do - hopefully you will be lucky and get one of these!) but some really don’t. I think you could plan to go but have a low threshold for not attending, both depending on how you and your baby are. As PP has said, that’s a heck of a journey broken up into 30 min chunks.

Yeah like others have said it’s the travel time that will be most complicated - any chance of getting the train?

Three weeks after my EMCS I was still in a decent amount of pain, although off prescription painkillers. Tbf by then I'd been out for evening drinks a couple of times near home but I'd have found a whole day out pretty wearing.

Your baby will be fine and not have a clue. But you might be pretty uncomfortable.

The actual wedding would be fine - the four hour drive would not

For that length of journey I'd take a train and go first class. Then you can feed/cuddle your baby throughout the journey whereas you can't do that in a car.

(But still I'm voting don't bother)

Ooh good point on the travel time and car seat issue - I knew about the time limits but hadn't factored it into this trip! Going to have a look at the train now, but it's in a village so I think even if we could get a train somewhere we might need to hire a car or get a taxi, which then makes it all a bit of a faff. And thinking about all we might need to lug with us in terms of bottles and nappies and bassinet etc, plus all our normal overnight stuff and glad rags...the train does not seem much more convenient.

Good to hear that people have found it manageable though I know everyone is different. I think the journey is going to be the biggest obstacle here so off to see if we can break the journey up somehow - perhaps we can stay with PILs the Friday night halfway and then finish up in smaller sections the morning of the wedding. Thanks everyone!

I would go if you can go by train. Honestly the main issue I would have had going to a wedding at that point would have been my lack of body confidence in a dress and photos, hopefully you're a more confident person than me but I just felt really horrible. Seraphine luxe do some nice dresses that are basically maternity/breastfeeding but forgiving around the tummy area. Also you might still be bleeding so prepare for that.
My kids were both awful screamers in the car even before you consider the 30 minute thing so definitely train all the way.
Enjoy seeing your friends and celebrating with them. My friend's sister was a bridesmaid at like one week post section (local wedding) and it was really lovely - she had lots of offers of help with baby as all her family were there, baby slept on daddy through the ceremony and slept straight through the party even when the band came on, so she was able to enjoy herself and then just go upstairs to her room when she wanted to.

We were invited to a wedding at 4 weeks post due date. As it was, my DD was early, but she had a 2 week NICU / SCBU stay and the last place i would have wanted to take her would be a big wedding with lots of strangers when i still felt she was vulnerable (even if she was well enough to come home). If its such a good friend, can you accept and just let the bride and groom know after you've seen how the birth goes? Hopefully they'll be understanding if you cant come at short notice!

We had to say no to a wedding that was 2 hours away with a 4 week old so I'd personally say it's not doable although everyone is different. Baby will most likely prefer being held by you than going in a bassinet too.

NHS guidelines are a 3 week old can be in a car seat for upto 2 hours and to take regular breaks if doing a long car journey.

From experience that age would be ok at a wedding, they tend to sleep a lot. It would need a lot of organising and if you weren't still recovering from the birth I would consider going to the wedding if it was really important to you x

I wouldve been with a wedding a day pp with my second!! Had a full day out at the farm when he was 4 days old!

3-6 weeks after wouldnt have been an issue either time apart from with my first i was getting to grips with breastfeeding.

@lady725516

NHS guidelines are a 3 week old can be in a car seat for upto 2 hours and to take regular breaks if doing a long car journey.

From experience that age would be ok at a wedding, they tend to sleep a lot. It would need a lot of organising and if you weren't still recovering from the birth I would consider going to the wedding if it was really important to you x

But the most recent research says otherwise. It’s only a small study because they had to stop doing the study as the results were so alarming.

My cousin's wedding was 5 weeks after my due date with dd. She was a wee bit early so nearly 8 weeks by the time it came round. Wedding was 4hrs away and an overnight stay.

We had a lovely time. We took our time on the journeys, stopped for a walk, stopped for lunch, stopped for tea and cake and so on. Even dropped into an English Heritage place for a bit of a wander. We treated it as a couple of days away and planned accordingly.

I was still bleeding, nothing fitted and I missed the photos entirely as dd was cluster feeding but the logistics were absolutely fine.

It's doable for a baby that age. Feed and sleep is all they do so very easy in comparison to old children.
As others it's the journey I think you'd have to think about.
I was still sore and out of sorts at 3 weeks but if you have a room at venue you at can pop away for half hour etc.
Also worth asking for an early check in.

I would speak to your friend, if she’s a close friend as your op suggests I would imagine she will understand.
I personally could of attended a wedding at that stage with all of my 3 children (although you’ll be exhausted) newborns do tend to sleep a lot so I think you should go!
Maybe consider ear defenders (if the evening is likely to be loud)
Cartons of milk to save the faf of making bottles
Lots of changes of clothes for baby (and a change of clothes for you too)

I think I would have been fine, not quite looking my best but physically quite capable of going to a wedding and enjoying myself. Also at that age there's really not much to pack, just nappies and clothes.

I'd worry about the journey, I was pretty strict about car seat times when I had a newborn. 30 mins then break.

I'm also a bit unsure how you'd do the bottles on the journey and then at the venue. I would be worried about baby interrupting everyone crying whilst waiting for a waiter to bring hot water to warm bottle. Much easier to breastfeed as its all instant and nothing to carry tbh.

I'd also probably get a beautiful silk ring sling or similar as DS would just sleep for hours in one whereas his reflux made him always uncomfortable in a bassinet and he'd just fuss.

From my experience of 3 kids this would be totally doable.

It completely depends, I had a bad birth and at 3weeksPP was physically a mess and in a lot of pain and mentally on a different planet. But then I know loads of women who've had straight forward births and been pretty much straight back to normal! Can you just chat to the bride and explain the situation? X

The wedding is about 4 hour drive, and would need an overnight stay. DH will be coming too. I'm not planning on breastfeeding so I guess I'd need to take bottles etc for throughout the day. I'm kind of anticipating such a small newborn to sleep a lot, so was hoping that bringing the bassinet would mean he/she could just snooze whenever they want, between needing a feed and a change.

4 hours is a long way for a small baby and a mother with sore nethers
Newborns sleep a lot but often only on you
You will both be knackered, a 4 hour drive when you've not slept properly for weeks is quite a lot
Feeding is not always that straightforward, there are all sorts of struggles that can happen

You might have a very easy baby that would sail through it, but you might not! Personally I would not have been able to do it.

I did a wedding with an 8 week old baby 90mins away. It was totally fine.

The carrycot of my pram was suitable for overnight sleeping, be careful though because many aren't.

Your biggest issue is 4 hours in the car is a really long time, could easily become 7 or 8 adding in breaks.
I'd see if you could get a train and if a taxi could be arranged at the other end.

A lay flat car seat solves the 30 minutes issues with an adult in the back as well.

I went to a wedding at 3 weeks. Was hard work getting out but doable even with the complications I was suffering from. With a partner it should be fairly easy as he can do all the donkey work stuff and you literally arrive looking serene bearing the baby!

So the car seat we have ordered is the cybex cloud and it has got a recline feature although I don't think it's totally lie flat, and I think the lady in the shop said it shouldn't be reclined while driving - but I will double check.

At the moment, it's looking like we could do a 2 hour (so in reality with breaks every 30 mins, 3 hour) drive to PILs on Friday night. Then another 3 hour with rests drive on the Saturday morning, wedding is kicking off around 3.

We could then do the same thing on Sunday to get home but make it a lunch stop at PILs rather than overnight and probably get home early evening.

Doesn't sound like the most wonderful journey 😆 but definitely doable!

Thanks also to PP who mentioned ready to drink formula, I think that would be a life saver. And we are looking into a sling from newborn so will definitely have that on hand too, as many of you are right he/she might not want to be in the bassinet!

Thank you all so much for considering angles I hadn't thought of! I'm going to have a chat with the bride and just see if there's any flexibility on rsvping after the birth, but as someone who got married fairly recently and remembers all the faff the last thing I want to do is add to her organisational load!