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Original poster

Attending a wedding 3-6 weeks postpartum

56 replies

Ruibies · 02/02/2022 12:18

Hi all, just looking for some experiences here to see if I'm wildly overestimating how up for a wedding I'll be. It's a really good friend and I would be gutted to miss it. Depending on when baby arrives I could be anywhere from 3-6 weeks postpartum at the time of the wedding. It's my first baby so I have absolutely no idea how I'll be feeling!

The wedding is about 4 hour drive, and would need an overnight stay. DH will be coming too. I'm not planning on breastfeeding so I guess I'd need to take bottles etc for throughout the day. I'm kind of anticipating such a small newborn to sleep a lot, so was hoping that bringing the bassinet would mean he/she could just snooze whenever they want, between needing a feed and a change.

Am I mad to be considering this? Has anyone got any experiences to share of whether this would be something they would have gone to/enjoyed at that stage?

RSVP deadline is in about a month, at which point I'll be around 30weeks. I don't want to mess the couple around by RSVPing yes, then having to bail last minute because I've realised I'm still a mess for for the first few weeks. Thanks for any insight!

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20viona · 02/02/2022 16:03

I went to a wedding 6 weeks pp and it was fine, a little boring as I was obviously all about the baby not the wedding. I'm due around 25th sept this year and my husband is best man on the 1st october 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm hoping this baby comes 3 weeks early like the last!

BrinksmansEntry · 02/02/2022 16:10

The drive sounds tough. It will take longer than you think.

I went to one 3wks PP and it was 2.5hrs drive away. The baby was an absolute dream, slept loads and actually slept through the night for the first time ever.

I was not great. Still bleeding. Didn't really want to hand my new baby over for cuddles and at one point my mum disappeared with the baby without telling me where she was going (to show it off, then on a walk around the grounds). I was tired. Still getting to grips with being a mum, not a complete expert in breastfeeding, still had a bump (which NORMAL but I was made to feel like it wasn't by assorted female relatives who like to stick the boot in). It felt just too much then. I really was tired and hugely hungry all the time, and really just wanted a break from people.

I went to another at 6wks and then 10wks PP and everything was more settled then. Enjoyed them more.

Bonnealle · 02/02/2022 16:10

I’d say this was fine, agree with the sling as they’ll usually nap in there for ages

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trumpisagit · 02/02/2022 16:15

If you love weddings go for it OP, although the bride needs to be aware that there may be some last minute reasons you wouldn't be able to come.
I wouldn't go, due to the travel with a tiny baby. That 4 hour journey could take all day with stops for feed, nappy change, vomit etc.
Also DS1 hated car journeys from when he was very small, and screamed when he was in a car seat, unless he was asleep, this made car journeys fairly stressful.

TheSpanishApartment · 02/02/2022 16:44

I had to go to my BILs wedding 3 hours away when DD was 3 weeks old and it was without doubt the absolute worst day of the whole newborn period. We had a baby that did not sleep or want to be put down ever and we were both delirious with tiredness. The absolute last thing I wanted to do was go anywhere or dress up or make small talk with people. It was awful. Just awful. I don't remember much about the day other than we were present. But you may have a much easier baby. It is a bit of a lottery.

greyinganddecaying · 02/02/2022 17:11

It's very individual. I officiated at an event 6 weeks pp (& after an EMCS, pretty traumatic labour & week-long hospital stay).
It was fine, OH looked after baby while I did important bits and we just got on with it.

Saying that, there's no way I'd contemplate that now! If you can tel your friend you're hoping to be there, but may depend on how you're getting on pp, and she's ok with that, I'd play it by ear.

JustWonderingIfYou · 02/02/2022 19:05

Cybex cloud won't recline in the car, only when attached to pram chassis or on its own. Would be good on breaks though if baby is sleeping as it means you don't have to disturb them.

There are only a couple of car seats that actually lie flat whilst in the car. A maxi cosi and a nuna- there are more like bassinets.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2022 19:37

Not a wedding but an aunts 80th but was 4hrs away and dd was 3w

Was doable. Stayed in local prem inn.

Glad I went as she got poorly and died the year after

Trinacham · 02/02/2022 19:51

My baby is 12 days old (my first) and I would feel up to attending a wedding, apart from feeling a little tired. I did have a few tears and needed stitches, but don't feel sore (every now and then I get a twinge to remind me, but nothing constant). I was very fortunate and did have a very quick, natural labour however. It's more the baby side of things on the other hand, that may be a little trickier.. as little one would need feeding every few hours. I am exclusively breastfeeding - I guess this may be easier bottlefeeding, especially as anyone can do it. It's definitely doable I'd say.

SecondhandTable · 02/02/2022 19:58

It depends on your birth, and your baby. I couldn't have done this with either of mine at 3 weeks. At 6 weeks, I probably could have managed it with DC2, had I been bottle feeding, as I was finally recovered enough from the birth by then to sit for that journey, and he was a fairly easy newborn. DC1 screamed all the time so no way could we have took them to a wedding as newborn.

popapoppadum · 02/02/2022 20:00

I was a bridesmaid at 6 weeks pp with my second. Baby was a dream and slept on everyone the whole day. DH was mainly in charge apart from feeds (breastfed). I would suggest you plan it all out but also don't feel bad if you have to pull out nearer the time based on how you're feeling!

EL1984 · 02/02/2022 20:03

Depends on how you are after the birth, could be quite difficult if you've had a C section. I think a few hours at a wedding would have been doable for me if it was nearby home but I probably wouldn't want to take on the 4 hour car journey and lugging all the stuff.
Xx

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 02/02/2022 20:06

I thought I could do it 4 weeks pp first baby. All I can say is thank goodness it was cancelled (due to covid!) I was supposed to be a bridesmaid.

I tore front to back and into my uterus delivering DS. I had extensive surgery to repair. Bad reaction to the anaesthetic they gave me for the repair. Needed a blood transfusion. At 4 weeks I was still bleeding lots had three infections in my stitches. Taking loads of pain meds and the strongest antibiotics made me feel completely out of it. Honestly. It was progress if I brushed my hair that day. Looking back it was laughable that I had even considered it!

Nat6999 · 02/02/2022 20:10

We were away in our caravan when ds was a month old so a wedding should be fine. If you have a travel system with a carry cot you can use that overnight instead of having to lug a travel cot with you. Hopefully your bleeding should have eased off quite a bit by then, how long after your EDD is the wedding?

SouthParkCovid · 05/02/2022 19:19

Op I wouldn't go if I were you.

You may end up having a section or a bad tear etc, you never know.

Politely decline and enjoy your baby.

MaizeAmaze · 05/02/2022 19:27

Depends on your baby. DS1 absolutely not. He screamed if not physically on me. Fed for about 15 hrs a day, and cat napped in 15 mins bits between feeding and screaming.
DS2, possibly but not if driving in the dark (he hated it, fine during the day tho?!) - although his older brother would still have been a nightmare.

TracyMosby · 05/02/2022 19:29

I could have managed it with my first, although the journey length, made worse with the breaks, would have been painful. With my second theres no way i could have made that journey. I spent almost a week in hospital after that birth on various drips and also needed physio in the weeks after.

Forshorttheycallmecomp · 05/02/2022 19:37

Physically I’d have been fine, but at that stage my post birth stores of adrenaline had gone and I was absolutely knackered. I felt dreadful and was very hormonal. But if it was very close friend I’d go but I’d also check she isn’t a bridezilla who will be expecting you to participate with a certain amount of activities during the day.

CrabbyCat · 05/02/2022 19:44

Just to add to everyone to say it really depends. DC1 I was readmitted back into hospital just over 2 weeks after birth because of stiches failure. There is absolutely no way I could have sat that long in a car even 4 weeks post birth.

DC2 we actually went to a wedding when she was 3 weeks old. I'd healed enough from the birth I was ok, and she was fine for the wedding. However, the drive was very definitely not. I think we ended up having to stop 6 times on a 2.5 hour drive and we still spent a chunk of it being screamed at, it felt like it took forever. It's definitely not the case that you can rely on them sleeping peacefully in their car seat between stops!

Figgygal · 05/02/2022 19:49

Who on earths wedding is this that you would put yourself and your baby through this? The travel is far too much at that age you might be recovering from a section not to mention knackered and feeling flabby as shit

No way would i contemplate it

Toseethezoo · 05/02/2022 19:54

The drive would put me off, but the wedding in itself shouldn’t be an issue - Ivdid one at 4 weeks. My advice is:

Get a decent nursing ‘occasion’ dress from somewhere like Seraphine. You can be breastfeeding and no one will notice

Take advantage of the professional photographer for family photos (so put baby in something cute).

caz198917 · 05/02/2022 20:00

I don't think a train is a good idea, you will have all your luggage plus travel cot etc? Driving would be best I would say. Do consider if you have to have a c section, I was still pretty sore 3 weeks after but a wedding would have been do able especially if you have a room booked you can nip off to rest etc. Xx

Chely · 05/02/2022 20:04

4 hour drive with a newborn would be a firm NO for me.
I would have coped fine even after my last which was c-section, scar rupture and an infection which needed 2 weeks of antibiotics.

cazinge · 05/02/2022 20:04

I went to a wedding 5 weeks PP (after a c section) & it was fine! 3hr drive there so overnight stay (with in laws rather than hotel), I wasn't driving by this point so sta in the back and we had a lie flat car seat and stopped 2 or 3 times on the journey. I was exclusively pumping so had to fit that in too. Had baby in a sling and he snored through the ceremony / evening do. He was a v chilled out baby though.

Snowywintersundays123 · 05/02/2022 20:10

Hey OP, bit late to the thread but I think totally doable.
We flew abroad when Dd was 8 weeks 🤣, she was my 2nd but netherless at between 3-6 weeks would have been able too. I had pretty major surgery after DD, not a c section, but complications post birth that lead to 2 hour surgery 😬😩

I’d say go for it!!!

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