DD has a better time at her Dad's than with me

[CandleMirror]

I'm having a bit of a low moment and need some sense I think.

I have two DDs, 11 and 9, with my exH. We have shared custody, him 3 nights me 4. DD2 has always been a bit of a Daddy's girl, they just have more in common I guess, but I'm feeling awful at the moment thinking she must hate being with me.

DD1 has covid, and because they share a room at their Dad's it felt sensible to keep DD1 with me and DD2 with her Dad so she doesn't get it.

ExH has been sending me videos etc of DD (at my request) and she's just having an amazing time. He and his wife are doing so many lovely things with her, baking, swimming etc. She's smiling and genuinely laughing. I rarely see her do that here.

I just don't do those sort of things. I like going for days out and getting treats, or watching movies together. It's not enough is it? I'm going to have to do things I don't really enjoy like bike rides because she loves it so much. I feel shitty even saying that. I feel so inadequate. DD2 can be so withdrawn when she's with me sometimes. She gets lots of affection and attention, I just don't do the high energy activities her Dad always does with her and clearly it's not enough.

Hi OP,
You are being lovely thinking of trying to make her happy in everything she does. It's lovely that your daughter enjoys the things she is doing with her dad - it's not just the job of a parent to be fun thus I do suspect her dad is actually doing things with her because he wants to teach her all the things he knows how to do, as swimming, running exercise and baking are life skills he knows how to do, easily enjoys and so just wants his own daughter to have those skills. Not only because she will enjoy them - though it's great she does, so please don't be jealous in the slightest!

What things can you teach your daughters to do? Think of all things that you are good at, and would love to teach them, honestly they don't have to be high octane. Kids naturally love and have fun with testing their limits and learning new stuff when they are young and their parents can still teach them - I always consider that be more of a priority to me - then find ways to be even more creative and fun with it. Things you know how to do or did a lot when young but think they couldn't do - give them a go!

Its great that shes having a good time there. Try not to feel competitive about it. Its super important that she spends time with both of you. It doesnt always have to be super fun stuff.
Youre ill and feeling low. Just rest and be glad your dd is being a bit spoilt and having a nice time

I had some years of this. I just sucked it up and span it positively that they had so many people to love them. Unfortunately it didn’t last, was an act really. Kids are NC. I feel an underlying anxiety now that there’s no back-up family for them if anything happens to me.

Maybe try a brand new thing with her - lego sets, puzzles, gaming together? Add a plate of snacks - that always impressed my DCs