FTM - breastfeeding

[sjxoxo]

I am 2.5 weeks in to being a FTM to our lovely baby boy. He has gained weight, lots of dirty & wet nappies. I’m at my wits end with breastfeeding!!!! Jesus Christ the pain is almost unbeatable. I use a breast shield as he latches quickly with it. We can feed without, but it’s agonising. He struggles to latch without it and when he does the pain is even worse!! Like a nipple piercing. I was in hospital for 5 days from his birth, with multiple midwives saying how great it all was going, saw him latch, all said everything’s fine. I’ve seen my GP, also said everything’s fine. I’ve tried ‘deep latch’ technuques, still kill me. He doesn’t seem to be able to get much boob in his mouth. Also yesterday we saw a lactation consultant who wants us to change position to an ‘upright’ one for him- so me sort of sitting slumped in a chair and him going ‘up’ my body rather than across. She also wants us to not use the nipple shield. I’ve tried this morning but I couldn’t go on. She doesn’t have any more immediate help than that. Tells me it should never hurt when done correctly. (There seems to be different narratives on this..)

My gut instinct is he pinches the nipple in his mouth. Every. Single. Suck. I think he is aggressive at feeding, and he chomps hard on anything in his mouth. I’m feeding him now in agony again. I’ve tried to latch him 17 times and no matter how we latch, it’s torture for me. When it’s so painful like this I just want to get him formula but i don’t want to give up or not solve this issue but it’s so so hard.

My nipples are surprisingly still attached to my body, and whilst very red and burny, I think are holding up well given the chomping they are getting every 2 hours.

I dread feeding him as it’s so painful. It makes me cry in the evenings when he cluster feeds & I am already tired so not in a good place to be tolerant. I really want to be able to enjoy the time with him but it’s agony. It stings, burns, pinches.

Can any of you lovely mn’s offer me any advice or reassurance.. I don’t think I can’t keep this up for long without solving the pain issue!! Hell. X

Have you tried feeding lying down? It's easier for baby to latch themselves and you will be achieving the upright position that was recommended. Lie down, on your side with boob near baby's mouth when baby is hungry and see if he latches. Try brushing his lip with nipple if he doesn't try straight away.

Is he able to maintain a deep latch? I ask as a tongue tie may cause nipple pain...

Hopefully others are of more help.

Have you had him checked for tongue tie? That was my immediate thought. Also, don't worry about using the shields for now, I used them for 10 weeks and successfully weaned off of them. As he grows his mouth will get bigger and he will get more skilled at latching.

I also found this bit the most painful, by 3 or 4 weeks the toe curling pain subsided.

Also had the absolute AGONY from breastfeeding but nothing wrong with latch!! I used nipple shields, expressed milk so my husband could feed the odd bottle when I had had enough (I too was absolutely dreading feeding - which led to guilt - which led to not being able to sleep) so being able to have a bottle handy saved my sanity. I tried one feed every few days without the nipple shields (when I was feeling positive and well rested) and by about 5 weeks I found I could tolerate the pain, and by 6 weeks I felt nothing I honestly couldn’t believe it!!! We are at 16 weeks now and I can’t feel a THING! My advice would be try anything to get through to a point where you don’t hurt and know that your boobs are gonna toughen up and get used to this - express / shields / any position latch you can get / feeding from less painful side and expressing from the other. Good luck!

Has he been properly assessed for tongue tie by someone who knows what he is doing? Was the lactation consultant someone private that you hired? Are you sure you are getting a deep latch- have you been shown how to get an exaggerated/asymmetrical latch?

I used a nipple shield in the beginning - only way I got BF established. I say if it works for you for now then why not continue?

DS eventually decided on his own he could manage without at about 4 months and I fed from then to 3.5 without.

I also agree that there is nothing wrong with using a nipple shield if it's working for you. I used one for the first month with DD1, they get a bad rap but can be highly useful tools for BF. If it's going fine with a shield, just take the pressure off and feed that way while you try to figure out the underlying cause of the pain.

www.facebook.com/LMJinfantfeeding/ there are lots of great resources here about latching that may help and I think some videos? The Kellymom website is great too. I think for me it was painful to begin with but the latch also wasn't great so it was a combination of my nipples not being used to it and not quite getting the right positioning. If the shield helps, use it. Hydrogel patches off Amazon really helped when my nipples were broken and needed to heal. Can you see your local infant feeding team? Normal midwives/HVs/doctors aren't trained in breastfeeding and usually aren't as helpful.

I've not read all the comments so sorry if I'm just repeating:

The best advice I ever got was from my community midwife who said to latch them on and count to 10, if it's still sore after the 10 seconds then unlatch and try again.

Have you tried the flipple technique? It's when you point your nipple to the side and then shove (for lack of a better word ) babies mouth over it. There's videos on Google. The one really saved me at around the 2-3 week mark.

You can get something called silver cups that you put over your nipples when you're not feeding. The collect a little milk in them and help repair your nipples.

I really hear you. I was the same with my little boy. every feed was agony and feeds went on for ages and then cluster feeding - I felt I was feeding the whole damn time.

I was down a rabbit hole of only hearing 'no formula' 'keep going, keep going' and it was madness.

you and your nipples need the odd break to try and heel. if you can, maybe pump and introduce a bottle feed so you have a break.

I couldn't manage that at that time as I could not see how you fit in pumping with all the breast feeding.

so perhaps think about adding in one formula feed to give the boobs or one boob a break (you may need to pump from other boob a bit to ease everything )

loads of lanolin cream, those mamma mio patches, the silver cups - anything you can do.

also, get another assessment for tongue tie if you can afford it - it's nonsense that it 'shouldn't hurt' - that's the dream for some but not for most of us.

you are doing AMAZING. give yourself a massive pat on the back for getting this far and feeding your bubba. this stuff is not easy.

I kept EBF for 6 weeks. Eventually my nipples went completely numb. I was in a different position in that DS wasn't gaining weight but I clung onto the narrative that breast is always best and you just need to keep trying. We never got an answer and eventually were told we had to give formula for medical reasons (9th centile weight vs 75th height, crying all the time, feeding 45 mins out of every hour 24 hours a day, prolonged jaundice and anemia). That's how bad it got before one single professional would tell me it was ok to give my baby formula and it wasn't necessarily a slippery slope to an obese, behaviourally challenged child. Honestly I feel for you - you can't win. I feel simultaneously guilty that I starved my baby for the first 6 weeks of his life and that I didn't stick with it like those mums you read about that defy all medical advice and their baby thrives all down to their sacrifice. My logical brain knows that both of these are b**cks and it won't really matter in the end!

Only you can decide how much longer you can carry on for or if you want to. There's loads of advice out there so you can keep trying different things and maybe one of them will work. And whatever happens you did the first 2 weeks in spite of how difficult it was and that's the most important bit for baby's health and you should be proud of that.

Firstly, well done! It's really tough going. You get a lot of people's input in early days - not all helpful.

Nothing wrong with shields. I used them pretty exclusively with first baby for about 5 months. My second baby is a few months old and I'm using again. They are both maintaining between 75 and 91 centile so no worries about them getting 'enough' through the shield. It's what got me through the pain. I also found feeding workers very keen to get me off them but my eldest eventually weaned himself off them.

If it doesn't work though, there is no issue with moving onto mixed or formula feeding. You being comfortable and happy is most important

You are doing really well, but please don't feel you have to continue to bf if its too painful. Feeding should be a calm experience for you as well as the baby, and if you are crying with pain then I would switch to bottle.

If it hurts it doesn't sound like the latch is quite right. I would look for a local IBCLC consultant and arrange an appointment with them, they can look at the latch and help you, can also check for tongue tie as they're actually qualified to do this.

I'm so sorry it's hurting you so much. I hope so much you can get this resolved.

@edin16 my midwife told me the same thing! It was good advice.

This might be a bit left field but are there any signs of nipple thrush? If it’s that painful, yet no real trauma to your nipple, I’d wonder if it’s something else causing the pain. If it is, both you and baby would require treatment

The 2-3 week mark was also still painful for me. After hundreds of times relatching, things just improved massively at 4/5 weeks. We sort of both just got the hang of it, and I feel like my nipples just got “used” to it. Also silver cups to wear over my nipples whenever I wasn’t feeding have been the best purchase until now. They heal the worse cracks literally within 1-2 days. I got them on Amazon for about £40. Used them until about 4 weeks and then had no need after that once my nipples toughened up and we got the hang of positioning and a good latch. All the best ❤️

If all else fails, I pumped exclusively till 4m, when ds suddenly 'got it' (as my b/f counsellor had predicted).

You poor thing! I relate to this entirely when I was feeding DS1. I cried multiple times a day every day at this point as it was just that painful. We'd had a miserable labour and I'd honestly have chosen that over breastfeeding at that point. It was hell.

I agree with PP to carry on with the shields if they're working for you. I've never used them myself but I know from others that babies tend to just wean off them when they're ready.

Use lanolin after every feed. Jelonet dressings are also good.

My instinct is that it's the latch that's the problem. I was similar in that my nipples actually looked ok despite the pain and I was constantly being told the latch looked good. I did find switching to an upright position helped a lot with DS1. Haven't had the same success this time but DS2 is a bit smaller so I'll revisit as I much prefer to feed that way.

You're doing so well to get this far. No one tells you how hard it actually is especially on the back of a long labour. It does get easier but there's nothing wrong with expressed bottles/combi feeding/switching to formula if that's better for you and your family.

Thanks all for so baby replies!!!
Even that makes me feel more hopeful! So Thankyou v much.
He is up in 97th percentile weight wise so I’m optimistic he is getting enough to eat as weight gain is good. It’s just me that’s in pain! I’m going to try and carry on for now and see next week at the weigh in how we are doing. I’m going to give it a couple of days to heal and then I’m going to try again with no nip shields- the lactation consultant is keen to not use them as she thinks his latch is poor and this is perhaps due to, or exaggerated by the shields.
Thanks so much for all your replies I’m going to read through them all now Xox

*many not baby!! Xo

the lactation consultant is keen to not use them as she thinks his latch is poor and this is perhaps due to, or exaggerated by the shields.

The problem is likely that his latch is poor to begin with, not that it is poor with the shield. A baby with a good latch can also latch deeply onto a shield. I think you need to see someone else!

Look up silver cups a friend of mine swore by them for helping nipples recover!

… sorry clicked post too soon…

Try and slowly wean off the nipple sheids if you can. You can do this gradually especially if your nipples are still very sore.

In my experience midwives and HVs no very little about breastfeeding.

The upright position that your LC recommended is great because it’s an easy way for baby’s to bring up wind whilst they’re still very little.

Breastfeeding is really hard in the early days. Don’t focus on the fact that you’re 2.5 weeks into your breastfeeding journey just focus on each day. I found just focusing on getting through each day really beneficial.
If you want to give yourself a break then do use some formula, but also bear in mind that at 2.5weeks your breast milk supply is still establishing itself and giving formula may well reduce your supply.

Best of luck xxxxx