"Mummy can you plaaaaay??"

[indiesearcher]

I hate myself for even writing this, I feel so guilty, but my 6yo DD is driving me nuts!

She is a happy, largely independent, little girl. We do lots together; baking, crafting, days out etc etc. Recently she's calling on me more and more often to 'play'.

Now, Barbie and dolls aren't my cup of tea at the best of times, but 'play' with DD broadly looks like this:

• I am assigned my characters - usually multiple.
• I am told their names, ages, and precisely what they can (but mostly cannot) do.
• the play is boring and repetitive- eg the dolls are having a sleepover but we never actually get to the sleepover because time is spent organising the rules of the game and or mindless 'do you like my pyjamas' nonsense.
• I'm not allowed to introduce new elements to the game or the planned storyline. So no room for a little ad hoc amusement even.

As you can decipher, I find it utterly soul destroying. However, more and more often it's all she wants to do with me!

DD has clearly picked up on my many excuses, and has moved on now to making me feel tremendously negligent for not playing enough. I've had a stinking cold all week and I've been told off this morning because I've only played once since Sunday. She whinges, sulks, and generally takes me on a massive guilt trip if the play I do doesn't last hours or I'm in the middle of something else.

I know I should cherish these times and they won't last forever eat but how do I manage this?? I actually can't stand it anymore!

I dread to think how her 'games' go down at school - so I'm keen to help support her to play more freely.

Any advice much appreciated.

This used to drive me mad too, i got to the point where i just said no, mummy doesn't like playing with toys. Saved my sanity. If you do lots of other stuff with her i wouldn't sweat it.

What's your style of parenting with her? Does she get much choice offered, not just on what to do on a rainy afternoon but even down to what socks to wear today? She's looking for control, experiencing control and possibly enjoys it, who doesn't etc possibly just a phase who knows?

Have you tried setting ground rules first, like only 3 rules to follow, Mummy gets to suggest things, explaining why it's not fun to impose rules on playmates etc, I.e. not good manners to be bossy etc?

This is the thread for me. I do lots with DD (4) but tend to agree to, say, 10 minutes of playing and then head off to read MN make dinner. I find it boring. We do lots together but imaginative play isn't my bag.

Haha you just described my life.

So many rules and regs when it comes to Barbies. I get told off for not remembering the names (or the general plot...) and nothing actually happens and then by the time I have to go and do something else I get "we didn't even play!" 😭

No advice but lots of sympathy.

This has made me giggle. DS is 9 and has approximately a billion soft toys whose names and voices change and who I am expected to interact with constantly. It's a very sad day in this house when I get any of them wrong, which is every day because I can't concentrate after hearing about Percy/Polly/Pooplop Penguin's latest adventures for more than 7 seconds.

I have found that setting a time limit helps - 15 minutes works well, then you have had a play together but you can then leave them
to it for a bit.

It is hard, I struggle with imagination/small figure type games and my poor DD loves them! I give her 15 minutes of play with those types of games, then will offer board/card games etc if she starts asking again. Interestingly my DS who has ASD will happily play imagination/small figure games on his own for hours!

I would rather go on bike rides or the park or bake instead of play. Whenever my dd ask i distract with let's bake some cookies or go for a ride before its dark,do some painting even play a boardgame I don't mind them.

I don't do 'play' but I'm autistic. I do loads of other stuff, baking, bike rides, horse riding, park, library, play board games. Anything to avoid 'play'. I just cant do it.

Well obviously your doll gets covid and has to self isolate..

Interestingly my DS who has ASD will happily play imagination/small figure games on his own for hours!

My autistic ds was the same. He'd basically recreate scene from books or tv programmes. I don't think I was allowed to play because I got it wrong - pure bliss

OP - have you tried saying to her "but you don't want to play. You want to boss me around and that makes it not fun". She needs to know how to play with someone. This will help her outside the home in social situations.

But I actually think small world toys are for them to learn to play alone. You can bake and craft together as you do. Walk and cycle together. Go to the park together.

She can play small world toys when you do housework etc.

I only play schools or shops with all the toys if I can be Headteacher or Store Detective - that way I can control it 🤣 Granddaughter is 10 now and not so keen anymore, they grow up and grow out of it very quickly. I actually miss my school assemblies or using my pretend security walkie talkie to summon back up now....

I’m another one that can’t “play” like that.

I’ll do craft, colour in, get out to the park/woods/adventures, have two hour “playtime” baths, read and so on all day.

But no. I don’t do imaginative play. It’s not fun for them (DS just gets frustrated) and it’s boring for me.

I told my children really early on that I am pretty rubbish at imaginative play, but that I’ll happily do literally anything else 😂 they accept that now, and whilst I’ll do it occasionally, they are very good and just do that particular activity independently. It’s actually got to the point that if I walk into the room and they’re doing their little voices for the toys, that I get asked to leave. I willingly oblige.

I don’t do it with mine. Other stuff like baking, crafts etc, fine. But this is something they can (and should) do on their own.

I have such strong childhood memories of HATING when my mum would watch me play and having to do fake lame storylines like playing tennis while she was watching before I could get back to the juicy barbie ken proposals and kissing that I preferred 😂

OK... at the risk of sounding either horrifically twee or a mean mummy...

I use 'play' to reinforce behavioural messages. So if I'm having to do a teddy tea party with my DC, the teddies will hit each other, refuse to share, throw toy cake around everywhere and pour water over the carpet. Then all the teddies will be crying and upset and my DC has to take charge, tell them to stop misbehaving, help them clean up the mess, cuddle the upset ones and generally restore order. DC seems to really enjoy this and explaining to the teddies why we don't behave in certain ways. And it soothes my inner anarchist. Similarly with trains, I will only play trains if I can be the 'naughty' train that causes havoc and plays pranks on the other engines and my DC has to find out ways to stop it and help the good engines. DC has problems with listening sometimes so I try to model problems that happen when you don't listen in our games...DC finds it annoying when the character I'm playing won't listen or interrupts constantly.

But I agree that a time limit is crucial. I can only play for 20 minutes at a time and then I claim I have to cook dinner or do something else.

DD is four and the same.
She always says "Me want you play with me" which puts my teeth on edge especially as DD can speak properly!
It's always someone's birthday and we always have to make a cake! Obviously everything I suggest is wrong! Constant "No, Mummy that isn't right". It's very dull!

Thank you all - you've made me feel a LOT better. 15 mins of this a few times a week is about all I can muster!

Role play is my absolute least part of parenting. I am excellent at planning activities, walks etc, reading with my DC (7 and 4), board games, cuddling up with a film, we draw and play word games…..I am VERY poor at the sort of play you describe. I don’t remember playing like this as a child myself - I feel silly and self conscious somehow!

At 3 my son was very into Thomas the Tank Engine and I would be instructed to pick an engine and then think of EVERYTHING - ‘mummy what’s Gordon doing now? What’s James doing now? Can you be…..Percy. What’s Percy doing now?’

DH is much better than me at this. DD likes playing with her dolls on her own at the mo, or playing near me, and DS enjoys Pokémon and Minecraft now so I get bombarded with very boring facts about those now which I nod and smile at

^least favourite that should say!

Hmm, role play is one of my least favourite things* but then I really hate watching 'shows' too, particularly if they involve singing and dancing

• it's the rules and being told -whatever I do- that I'm wrong that I hate, not the role play itself.

How interesting… none of my children ask me to do this! They are brilliant at entertaining themselves. Maybe it’s because there are 5 of them close in age so they can just entertain/play with eachother.

I never did this. Don't think you are negligent in the slightest

DS aged 4 plagues me with this kind of play (usually fire engines, or directing his Lego 'drone' with a pretend remote control he's made, or making his soft toys talk). I can only manage about 10 mins at a time and I insist that playing together means I also get to decide what happens. If he tries to control it too much, I say I won't play.

Luckily he's still a big fan of hide & seek which I much prefer and often distract him with

Oh god my son is 2 and like this, hoq many more years of it must I endure!