How to deal with other parents messaging your child

[Skyflyer22]

Bit of a strange one!

Since Covid and lockdowns I've allowed my 9 year old to talk to friends via Facetime / Houseparty etc.

Normally everything goes fine (9 year old fall out but that's expected!) however one of the other children's mums keeps sending aggressive voice messages and text messages directly to my child and other children if her daughter doesn't get her own way all of the time.

I've told my child to hang up and tell me as soon as this happens but its getting to the point where she's threatening the kids! The children aren't being mean, but just don't want to talk to her child for fear of getting nasty messages.

This parent will not engage with me at all, even pretends she can't see me at the school gates and I really don't know what to do!

Threatening kids? Police.

Is this on your phone or your child’s phone? As I wouldn’t expect a 9yo to have their own phone.

Either way, you block them completely.

Not acceptable. Police or school.

Block her?

Block the child and the parent.
Tell your child to ditch this friendship, it's not worth the aggro.
If they are friends from school I would speak to the school about it TBH. Parents should be talking to other parents at this age not the kids.

Block the child and report the threat made against your child.

Definitely speak to the police and the school.

I don’t think your child should ever be having these conversations alone. Might be time to rethink them using these platforms!
And yes block and report.

I would message her from my child's phone, saying this is X's mum. It is inappropriate for you to be contacting my child and making these threats. I will be reporting your threats against children to the police.

I'd message saying if your child receives one more message from them you will be reporting it to the police. It is entirely inappropriate for an adult to be messaging a child directly in any event let alone to threaten them.

Firstly I would screen shot all the messages. Inform her that she is not to contact, approach, or talk to your daughter. Block her and report to school and police. I would encourage other payments to do the same

Just block the number.

But really a 9 year old is too young for a phone. An unhinged adult threatening them proves this.

If you have the messages take the phone to the police.

@Skyflyer22

Bit of a strange one!

Since Covid and lockdowns I've allowed my 9 year old to talk to friends via Facetime / Houseparty etc.

Normally everything goes fine (9 year old fall out but that's expected!) however one of the other children's mums keeps sending aggressive voice messages and text messages directly to my child and other children if her daughter doesn't get her own way all of the time.

I've told my child to hang up and tell me as soon as this happens but its getting to the point where she's threatening the kids! The children aren't being mean, but just don't want to talk to her child for fear of getting nasty messages.

This parent will not engage with me at all, even pretends she can't see me at the school gates and I really don't know what to do!

You walk straight up to her at the school gates so that she can’t pretend not to see you. You ask her nicely WTF she thinks she’s doing and inform her that you will be escalating to school/police if she persists.

Or you could just go straight to school/police as she’s clearly not a reasonable person to be behaving like this in the first place.

Omg, she needs to sort her head out. She'll isolate her own child as no kids will want to be her friend which is cruel. She is also harassing other peoples' kids which is totally out of order. Don't think police will do anything unless someone is physically harmed but they may be able to caution her as she may be causing fear and distress ( to children) with malicious communication.

Honestly if that was happening to my child I would block the number and report her. You should’ve blocked that number at the very least?? No 9 year old should have to be listening to threatening messages. Why does this mother even have your child’s number? She should be contacting you no? I would have a rethink about the phone situation and who exactly has your child’s number.

Write a message back explaining to her that it's unacceptable and your now blocking and Block the number.

Why are you not taking control of this situation?
Block the number and report her to the school and social services.
She is threatening children so this is a safeguarding issue.

Why should op wait for another threatening message before involving the police op report it right now no second chance your dc must be in bits. It is your duty as a mother to protect him not her report her now and let her be in bits

A parent I know of locally did this to a child their daughter had fallen out with (early teens) then reported them self to the police once they had calmed down. Very serious matter and beyond inappropriate.

I'm confused about how this situation has come up more than once? Block the number.

I honestly think DC need a break from eachother, without this constant expectation to be available for video calls.

I have a 9yo DD, she is always asking for her own devices. I was starting to feel the pressure a bit, but this is a reminder of why it'll be a no from me for another few years yet. I'm not giving anyone (adult or child) that kind of direct access to my little girl.

Can you give an example of what you mean by “ aggressive voice messages and text messages” and “threatening the kids”?

Not that it would be OK regardless of what she is saying, but there’s a difference between “you upset Jonnie and so you won’t be invited to his party” and “if you don’t give Jonnie your lunch money then I’ll break your legs”.

When you say threatening, and aggressive -What exactly do the messages say

Just block the number from the phone. End of drama !

This is the fault of the lockdowns not you, but These apps are both intended for children aged 13+ for a reason, and still with parental supervision.
I don’t know how houseparty works but you should be able to block her number on FaceTime.

Only on Mumsnet do 9 year olds not have a phone. Every 9 year old I know has an iPhone including mine.