How to deal with other parents messaging your child

[Skyflyer22]

Bit of a strange one!

Since Covid and lockdowns I've allowed my 9 year old to talk to friends via Facetime / Houseparty etc.

Normally everything goes fine (9 year old fall out but that's expected!) however one of the other children's mums keeps sending aggressive voice messages and text messages directly to my child and other children if her daughter doesn't get her own way all of the time.

I've told my child to hang up and tell me as soon as this happens but its getting to the point where she's threatening the kids! The children aren't being mean, but just don't want to talk to her child for fear of getting nasty messages.

This parent will not engage with me at all, even pretends she can't see me at the school gates and I really don't know what to do!

@RevolvingPivot

Only on Mumsnet do 9 year olds not have a phone. Every 9 year old I know has an iPhone including mine.

And most of the 9 year olds I know don’t own a phone! Including mine. And many, many of the ones that I teach.

@RevolvingPivot

Only on Mumsnet do 9 year olds not have a phone. Every 9 year old I know has an iPhone including mine.

Not all areas are the same. In my kids schools phones aren’t a thing until year 6

@RevolvingPivot

Only on Mumsnet do 9 year olds not have a phone. Every 9 year old I know has an iPhone including mine.

You think every 9 year old in the UK has a £1000 phone, except on Mumsnet?

Screen shot the messages
Keep the recordings

Show them to school.

If nothing chances speak to the police.

Make sure you send a very simple message stating you do no wish to receive any further communication from her so they can gather a harassment case.

Well they aren't £1000 for a start as we couldn't afford that. They aren't the newest models. Neither are ours.

Police

Yes to block the number, contact school, police etc

And I also don't know any 9 year olds who have their own phone, including my own. Most seem to get them around 11/12 when they are heading for secondary.

Lock down is over. Get rid of the apps.

I know 3 9yr olds with an iPhone. All 3 have anxiety/eating issues /bully other children. Phones Fuck kids up.

It sounds very odd behaviour.

If you have the aggressive texts then I'd either confront her with them or speak to the school.

Why didn't you just block her the first time?

@RevolvingPivot

Only on Mumsnet do 9 year olds not have a phone. Every 9 year old I know has an iPhone including mine.

Seriously? Why do they need a phone at that age? If they do need a handset for some reason, they definitely shouldn't have a smart phone!!!! My kids were 12 when they got theirs.

@RevolvingPivot

Only on Mumsnet do 9 year olds not have a phone. Every 9 year old I know has an iPhone including mine.

Beyond ridiculous. None of the 9 year olds I know have an iPhone. It's nothing to do with Mumsnet and everything to do with the circles you move in.

Block her and beforehand text to explain that you’re blocking her due to aggressive messages which are distressing your child

It’s about half in half for phone ownership in my kids school. Of the half who own phones, 90% are hand me downs from relatives who have updated their own phones. Some of the phones are quite retro

Block the number. Tell the school.

Use it as an online safety lesson for your child in how to deal swiftly with unwelcome messages and abusive people.

I do agree they cause unnecessary drama. She has her best friends number and the rest is family.

If this mum had said anything unkind or threatening on a play date, you wouldn't let your child round their house again. Similarly, you'll have to stop phone contact with this other child/parent (block the number).

The kids can still be friends at school though!

@IncompleteSenten

I would message her from my child's phone, saying this is X's mum. It is inappropriate for you to be contacting my child and making these threats. I will be reporting your threats against children to the police.

This

Tho I would check to see what messages both have been sending first

@RevolvingPivot

Only on Mumsnet do 9 year olds not have a phone. Every 9 year old I know has an iPhone including mine.

Really?

Most of my friends dc only get a phone at 10/11 as they are going to secondary school

Children under this age don’t need a phone

I'd speak to the school and make them aware of the situation, in case any trouble extends to school time, but bear in mind they will be limited to what they can do because it's out of school hours. Block the child's and the mum's number. If she continues to cause trouble I'd be speaking to her myself.

You’ve allowed your child to be repeatedly aggressively threatened, in your own words, and done fuck all about it? WOW.

(Giving the woman a heads up that you’ll be going to the police is a gormless idea 😄)